(gentle instrumental music)

(Roy snoring)

(alarm clock beeping)


(gentle instrumental music continues)

Roy: (yawning and sighing)

(Roy clicking on CD player)

rooster crowing on stereo)

Roy: I can sleep later now that they brought out a whole compact disc of rooster crows.

(rooster crowing on CD player continues)

Wade: (yawns) Another day. Another 600 things to dread. (to Orson) Up early, Orson?

Orson: I got hooked on this book. It's a wanted criminal. A fugitive from justice. The police hunted him for

(rooster crowing continues)

Orson: Everyone's up. Roy can knock off that crowing. I'm gonna go tell him to stop.

(rooster crowing continues)

Wade: Hey, Orson, is this your paper here under the sofa? It's stuck! (grunts) (sceams)

(mud splatters)

Wade: What is this thing? "Warning! Do not remove this tag under penalty of law. Penal Code 7756, so and so...." (laughs nervously) Gee. It's against the law to remove....(stuttering) Well, I have leaves to rake. So, I tore a tag off. What harm can it do? They can't arrest me for that. Can they? Maybe I can sew it back on!

(rake hits Wade squarely in the face)



Wade: (voice echoing) What harm can it do? What harm can it do? What harm can it do?

(dream sequence)

(rock music)


It starts with just a little thing

No one would miss at all.

What possible perceivable harm can it do

To break just a little law?

What harm can it do?

What harm can it do?

What harm can it do?

(sirens wailing)


Bedtime's every night at nine,

But out of bed you creep.

You play real quiet until you hear,

"You're supposed to go to sleep!

What harm can it do?

What harm can it do?

What harm can it do?

Rules are made for a reason,

Always some we hate.

But they help us all get along together.

Laws are made to keep us straight.

You borrow something from a friend,

A doll or maybe a truck.

They saw you take it, they want it back!

Oh, boy! No toy! Oh, yuck!

What harm can it do?

What harm can it do?


Wade, you're a wanted duck!

Wade: (voice echoing) What harm can it do? What harm can it do? What harm can it do? What harm can it do?

(dream sequence continues)

(gavel pounding)

(tense instrumental music)

(gulping sound effect)

Orson: Wade Duck! You are charged with tearing the tag off a pillow. How do you plead?

(nail biting sound effect)

Wade: I did it! I did it! I'm glad I did it! And I'd do it again!

Orson: I sentence you to 9,999 years in prison!

Wade: Phew! At least I didn't get life.

Jail Dog: I robbed 50 banks and 60 gas stations!

Jail Rat: Yeah, well, I robbed 70 banks, see, and 90 gas stations. And I stole the Klopman Diamond. )to Wade) What are you in for?

Wade: Uh, I tore the tag off a pillow (laughs nervously)

Jail Dog and Jail Rat: Help! Let me outta here! (yelling)

(dream sequence ends)

Wade: No! No! I don't want to go to prison! I gotta sew that tag back on!

(rooster crows CD playing)

Roy: (snoring)

Orson: Roy! Wake up! Roy! Oh, Roy! You have your ear muffs on.

Roy: Can't hear you. I have ear muffs on.

Orson: The folks next door called the police! See? They called the police to complain! Turn the noise off!

Roy: I can't hear you. Wait till I turn the noise off.

Wade: (panting) This is ridiculous. They wouldn't put me in jail for tearing a tag. I'm too nervous. It's not like the police are looking for...(sees and touches the police car) The police! They found me! Help! Help!

Roy: (banging stereo) It's stuck! That's what I get for buying a stereo from a horse! (kicks stereo)

Orson: You've got to turn it off!

Wade: Hide me! I'm too young to go to prison!


Wade: Oops (laughs nervously)

Orson: Well, that's one way to stop it.

Wade: Please, you've gotta save me! Hide me! Get me an attorney! Get me an attorney named Murray! I don't want to go to jail! I didn't mean it! Please, Orson!

Orson: Wade, calm down! What did you do?

Wade: I tore the tag off of a pillow! And now the police have come for me!

Roy: (giggles) You, you thought that was....You were....(laughs loudly)

Orson: Wade, you're not going to jail. I guarantee it.

Booker: (over loudspeaker) We know you're in there! Come out with your hands up!

Orson, Wade, and Roy: (all chattering and panicking at once)

Wade: What do we do? What do we do? Oh, what are we gonna do?!

(wall crashes down as Orson, Wade, and Roy run away)

Booker: (over loudspeaker) Come out with your hands up! We have you surrounded! (laughing) (to Sheldon) Didn't that sound neat?

Sheldon: I don't know, Booker. Do you think that was very nice?

Booker: Aw, come on! What harm can it do?

(Orson, Wade, and Roy continue chattering as they run away)

(episode ends)

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