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"Halt! Officer Odie orders you to stop and help!"
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(The episode begins above Jon’s neighborhood. A car drives by, Herman Post makes his rounds, and a large moving truck is being unloaded down the street from Jon’s house. Dozens of boxes are being put into stacks in the yard. Jon, who is out for a walk, takes notice)
Jon: Hey, someone finally bought the Showstack house!
(Inside Jon’s house, Garfield is snoozing on his chair with an alarm clock to his left and the remote to his right)
Garfield: Snore…snore… (Jon returns and gives his cat the news)
Jon: We have new neighbors, Garfield!
Garfield: Yawn! (He stretches his arm and wiggles his toes) I don’t care. (He opens his eyes and shakes his head) Just so long as they barbecue. Yawn! Nothing…oh…is gonna interrupt my, uh, (He glances at the clock) 2:17 in the afternoon nap. (He moves the clock forward a bit) Yawn! (The doorbell rings. Inside, an alarm goes off, instantly waking the fat cat up) YAAH-HA-HA! The pest alarm! (He grabs the remote and presses a button) Who’s here?! (The TV shows camera footage of the twins standing at the front door) Oh no! (He shakes his head) Drucilla and Minerva! (He looks at the audience with bulging eyes in a panic)
(Outside, the twins call for the portly pussycat)
Twins: Garfield! (Inside, Garfield runs for the stairs)
Garfield: Whimpers (He skids in front of them and hurries up. Jon watches him with a shocked look, as if he didn’t know Garfield could move that fast)
(Upstairs, Odie is casually trying to catch some Z’s on Jon’s bed when Garfield barges in and slams the door behind him, startling the pup)
Odie: Yowl! (He stands at attention like a watchdog)
Garfield: Whimpers (He puts his back to the wall as if wanting to peek out the door) Heh. (He spots a box that looks like a present, except the bottom flaps are already open. Odie turns around to look at him and Garfield grabs the box) Pants (He turns it so that the open side is on top, dives into it, and closes the flaps behind him. He flips himself upside-down so that the bow on the box is on top. Odie is, of course, unaware of the reason for Garfield’s panic. He looks at the box with his head tilted in confusion)
Odie: Huh?
Garfield: (from inside the box) Oh wait, I need to write a card.
Odie: Huh? (He has his paws on the bed frame. He raises his head and blinks at the audience twice)
Garfield: (while writing inside the box) “Do not open until Christmas (You sure you want to add that, Garfield? Or have you forgotten what happened in the G&F episode The First Annual Garfield Watchers Test?) or when twins leave.” (Regardless, he slaps the card on the box and hops inside the wardrobe) They’ll never find me in here, I hope, I hope, I hope.
(Downstairs, the twins burst in through the front door)
Twins: Hi, Uncle Jon!
Jon: Drucilla! Minerva! (He mixes them up)
Minerva: No, I’M Minerva, she’s (She points at her sister) Drucilla. We’ve come to play with the kitty cat. (Jon points upstairs. The twins look at each other with big smiles on their faces. They stampede up the stairs)
Twins: Garfield! Where are you? (Odie hears the girls climb the stairs)
Odie: Oh… (He takes a page from Garfield’s book and hides himself as well, except he ducks inside the top drawer of the dresser right before the girls burst in)
Twins: Garfield! (They look around. Odie’s ears can be seen peeking out of the drawer. He trembles in fear)
Odie: Whimpers (It isn’t long before the twins open the wardrobe and find the magical land of Narnia! OK, they don’t find that, but they do find Garfield)
Twins: Kitty cat! (Having been found, the Flabby Tabby tries to make a break for it by poking his legs out the bottom and running)
Garfield: Moan… (He runs into the door, which is closed) Ouch! (The twins run around Garfield, who is himself running to try to escape)
(Downstairs, Jon is on the phone with someone)
Jon: Yes, they just arrived. Oh they ran upstairs to find Garfield and play dress-up. (The Tubby Tabby starts hopping down the stairs in his twins attire: plaid dress, gloves, a blonde wig with a bow on it to match the dress, eyelashes, lipstick, and high heels that make it very hard to descend stairs) Garfield? No, he doesn’t mind.
Garfield: Let them dress YOU up in the new fall fashions and see how YOU like it. (The twins appear behind him at the top of the stairs)
Twins: Kitty cat!
Garfield: Help! (He slides out the back pet door–now without the getup–and runs up the side yard) Hiding place! I need a hiding place! (The twins poke their heads out through a back window and pet door and call out to the cat)
Twins: Garfield! Where are you? (Where he is is in the front, next to the driveway) We have lovely designer gowns for you! Let’s have a party! (Garfield stops at the street and glances both ways)
Garfield: Heavy, rapid panting (He spots the moving truck diagonally up the street. He turns around, points at it with his thumb and addresses the viewers) This is where those new neighbors are moving in! Pants I’ll hide in their yard! (He races across the street for the neighbors’ house) Pants I’m safe! I’m safe! Sigh! (He makes it safely to the neighbors’ yard. Once there, one of the neighbors–a young boy wearing a backwards baseball cap–calls to him from on top of some boxes)
Chester: Hey cat, (Garfield turns to see where the voice is coming from) you wanna play Pirate?
Garfield: I don’t think, uh, I wanna do that, no. (A similar-looking boy hops out in front of him. He wears his cap forward and wears a shirt with a number 2 on it)
Lester: Hey cat, you wanna play Pirate?
Garfield: (to the viewers) Hey, how’d HE get here so fast? (He gestures at him and turns to face him) No, I don't think I wanna play Pirate. (He tries slipping away, but runs into the first boy, who wears a number 1 on his shirt)
Chester: I said, “ Do you wanna play Pirate?” (Garfield stops in his tracks, his foot raised as if he was about to keep running. The second boy runs up behind Garfield)
Garfield: (stammering) How did…? (He looks back and forth at the boys) Over there…he was…but now…he’s… (He looks down at the ground, realizing his situation)
Twin boys: You wanna play Pirate?
Garfield: Just what I don't need… (He shakes his head resignedly and this raises it, putting his paws to his head in horror) MORE TWINS! (The camera zooms out, showing Garfield’s yell can be heard from space. The boys introduce themselves)
Lester: I’m Lester. He’s Chester. (He points at himself and then at his brother. Garfield stands frozen, only moving his eyes, looking at both of them)
Chester: I’m Chester. He’s Lester. (He points at himself, and then at his brother)
Twin boys: We’re Chester and Lester.
Garfield: I’m Garfield and leaving. (He tries zipping away, but he cannot get too far before he gets nabbed) Wha-?
Twin boys: C’mon! Let’s play Pirate! (Chester carries Garfield in his arms. Lester follows his twin brother as they head for the backyard)
Garfield: No! No! (He waves his arms and kicks his feet in protest) Well, don’t just sit there with the remote control in your hand! Help the poor kitty cat! (Nice fourth wall break, Garfield, though I don’t know how to help you other than pressing the spacebar and pausing the video, thus preventing everything in the next eight minutes from occurring. Anyway, the boys and Garfield disappear behind some boxes)
(Back at Jon’s house, Drucilla, and Minerva follow Odie. The pup uses his powerful nose to sniff out Garfield’s scent through the front yard)
Drucilla: Odie thinks he went this way, Drucilla.
Minerva: (pointing) YOU’RE Drucilla. I’M Minerva.
Drucilla: (embarrassed) Oh right. I always get us confused.
Odie: Huh? (He looks at the girls) Moan
(In the neighbor’s backyard, Garfield is being forced to walk the plank, the plank being a wooden board overlooking a mud pile. Chester stands on the plank with him, holding a wooden sword and wearing a pirate hat, while his brother stands behind him wearing a bandana on his head, rooting him on)
Garfield: Gasp! (The plank bounces as his toes hang off the edge) I don’t think I'm gonna like playing Pirate.
Chester: Arr! What shall we do with this scurvy knave, Matey?
Lester: (pointing) Make the scurvy knave walk the plank, Captain!
Chester: Laughs Aye-aye, Matey! (Garfield is already losing his balance)
Garfield: Whimper! Whoa! (He dives head first into the mud, his lower half sticking out the top) I was right, I don't like playing Pirate.
Twin Boys: Laugh (Odie and the girls see Garfield in the mud)
Twin Girls: Gasp! (Odie can’t help but giggle at his tabby tormentor)
Odie: Snickers (The girls run up to the Flabby Tabby)
Drucilla: Poor kitty!
Minerva: We have to rescue him!
Drucilla: (holding a finger up) Don’t worry, Garfield!
Minerva: (also holding a finger up) We’ll clean you up! (The boys look at each other)
Drucilla: Let’s give him a bath! (At that moment, Garfield emerges from the mud, his top half still coated in dirt, and flees for his sanity)
Minerva: We’ll give him two baths!
Garfield: Help! Someone rescue me (He bolts away) from the rescue! (The girls follow)
Drucilla: Kitty cat! Kitty cat! (It’s not exactly clear who said this. One of the girls did)
Chester: Hey, come back here with our scurvy knave! (He waves his sword)
Lester: Yeah! We were playing Pirate with him! (Garfield runs out of the yard)
Garfield: Whimpers (Both sets of twins and Odie follow)
Twin Girls: Garfield!
Twin Boys: Laugh
Odie: Bark! Bark, bark, bark, bark! (He runs past the boys and leaps in front of them, blocking their path) Bark! Angry mutters (He is still Garfield’s friend, and he tries to protect him) Bark, bark, bark, bark! (The twins pump the brakes in front of the angry dog)
Chester: Whoa! Nice doggy!
Lester: We were just playing around! (They flee in terror as Odie barks some more)
Chester: Leave us alone, dog!
Lester: It’s OK, boy!
Odie: Bark! Bark! (He enjoys a good laugh) Chuckles Bark! Bark! (He takes off after them) Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark!
(As for the other set of twins, they are dunking Garfield in a tub filled with soapy water)
Minerva: Wash his ears!
Drucilla: Scrub his tail! (She does just that)
Minerva: Clean his eyes!
Drucilla: Garfield! (Minera holds him up by the arm as her sister scrubs his head)
Garfield: Pants Couldn’t I walk the plank instead?
Minerva: (while scrubbing Garfield’s head) He still smells like mud.
Drucilla: Let’s go get some perfume!
Minerva: Yeah, perfume!
Drucilla: Like a daffodil!
Minerva: He’ll smell so sweet! (They take off to get the perfume. The Tubby Tabby dives and quickly reemerges)
Garfield: (to the viewers) I gotta get outta here! (He looks around. He ducks into the water, then reappears behind a tree and then in the birdbath) Whimpers
(In the front yard, Odie has lost the boys)
Odie: Bark! Bark! (Chester and Lester poke their heads out from behind the fence) Huh? (Odie sniffs the ground and the boys find new cover behind a trash can) Mutters (With Odie’s back to them, the boys bolt for the backyard, while Garfield is trying to make a break for it, unknowingly heading straight for the boys)
Garfield: Pants I have to move to another country! Any of you know of a country where there are no twins? (He doesn’t notice the boys in front of him, blocking his path) Where it’s illegal to look like anyone else? (He turns his head forward and sees them. He digs his heels into the ground and lifts his toes up, screeching to a halt) Oh no!
Chester: Let’s play Cowboy with him.
Lester: Yeah, Cowboy is cool!
Garfield: (frustratedly) I don’t wanna play Cowboy! On the other hand, at least I won't wind up in the mud again and have to get another bath.
(He was wrong about that. The boys have Garfield dressed in a sheriff’s vest, wide hat, and boots with spurs, overlooking the mud pool again as they make him walk the plank. The boys themselves also have cowboy hats with badges. Chester, the one on the plank with the frazzled feline, holds a water pistol)
Garfield: Oh! Wha?
Chester: (to his brother) Well, what should we do with this (He points the water gun at Garfield) lily-livered sidewinder, Sheriff?
Lester: Make the lily-livered sidewinder walk the plank, Deputy! (He holds his finger up)
Chester: Sure enough, Sheriff! (Garfield sits down and the plank catapults him into the air)
Garfield: YAAAAAHHHH! (Once again, he falls headfirst into the mud. His hat gently falls on his rear. The girls reappear in the yard)
Twin Girls: It’s bath time again!
Lester: Moan!
(The girls give Garfield another bath in the backyard)
Minerva: Wash his ears! (She grabs Garfield’s tail as the cat gurgles and gasps for air) Polish and scrub his tail! (They scrub his head, too, much to his displeasure)
(Meanwhile, the boys sneak up on the side of the yard)
Lester: Shh! (They reach the corner of the house and silently spy)
Minerva: Get him all nice and dry! (She holds Garfield’s arms while her sister blow dries his fur)
Drucilla: What do you think he needs?
Garfield: Fewer baths!
Twin Girls: Conditioner! (Not the word Garfield wanted to hear, and he winces in fear. The girls burst through the back door to get some)
Drucilla: There’s some in the house! (They stampede through the kitchen, while back in the yard, Garfield hears a familiar voice, or rather, a couple of voices that sound alike)
Twin Boys: You wanna play Pirate?
Garfield: (turning around) Oh no! (He flees) YAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Twin Boys: C’mon! Let’s play pirate!
Garfield: Ooh! Ooh! (He rounds the corner into the front) Pants (He sees his pooch pal in front of him and makes a quick stop on the driveway) Odie! You gotta hide me! (He points at himself with his thumb)
Odie: OK. (He nods. He grabs Garfield’s ankle, causing him to lift his toes, and throws him into the bushes behind him)
Garfield: YAHHH! (He lands in the bushes. Only his feet remain visible. Odie turns back around and sees the boys running up to him. The pup tries to play it cool and casual)
Odie: Whistles
Twin Boys: You wanna play Pirate?
Odie: Uh-uh! (He is adamantly against this. He imagines what the boys will do to him–basically the same thing they did to Garfield) Whimpers (Terrified of what might happen, he grabs Garfield’s ankle and shoves him in front of the boys)
Garfield: Odie, you coward! (Odie splits) Of course, I would’ve done the exact same thing. (The boys carry him back to their backyard. The girls chase after them)
Drucilla: (while carrying a bottle of conditioner) Come back with the kitty cat!
Minerva: We have to condition him! (Garfield stands at the end of the plank. Chester the captain stands on the plank with him. Lester watches behind them)
Chester: What shall we do with this scurvy knave, matey?
Lester: Make the scurvy knave walk the plank, Captain!
Garfield: The scurvy knave will save you the trouble! (He jumps off the plank and cannonballs into the mud) Yelps (The girls run up)
Twin Girls: Squeal! (They carry Garfield back into Jon’s yard)
Drucilla: Now we HAVE to condition him! (They give him another bath and scrub his head. At this point, Garfield finally snaps)
Garfield: No! (He leaps into the air and runs on nothing) I can’t take any more of this! YAH! (He lands on a bar of soap) YAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! (He slips and slides into the trash cans on the side of the yard. The girls look at him, and then at each other. Garfield lies amongst the trash and rubs his head, a bit dazed. Instead of seeing stars, both sets of twins dance around his head) No more twins…no more twins… (His head twitches as his sanity approaches dangerously low levels, possibly into the negative numbers)
Twin Girls: We wanna play dress up with the kitty cat! (Another set of twins appear) We wanna play dress up with the kitty cat! (They point. Garfield watches in disbelief, his head and eye still twitching) We wanna play dress up with the kitty cat! (By now he sees four sets of twin girls, octuplets if you will) We wanna play dress up with the kitty cat! (They charge toward him. The Flabby Tabby flees)
Garfield: Help! Save me from the twins! Yow! (He runs into the camera and up the sidewalk. His fur is instantly dry when the camera transitions from yard to sidewalk) Whimpers (He skids to a quick stop when he sees the boys in front of him)
Twin Boys: We wanna play Cowboy with the kitty cat!
Garfield: YAH! (He stares at five sets of twin boys, dectuplets. Not sure if any human has done that)
Twin Boys: We wanna play Pirate with the kitty cat! (They point) We wanna play Pirate with the kitty cat!
Garfield: No! (He grabs his head and wiggles his fingers) Save me from the OTHER twins! (As he says this, the background changes to the city) Gasp! (He looks around, confused) Hey! Hey! Oh? (He sees Harry polishing off a fishbone reclining on a trash bag)
Harry: Hiya, Garfield. How’s it goin’?
Garfield: Harry! (He grins, relieved, but still glances nervously to his right. He zips up to his ally alley cat) Harry, you gotta help me! (He looks around him and breathes heavily. He leaps up onto the edge of a dumpster and tries climbing it) I’m being tormented by twins! (At that moment, another Harry pokes his head out from inside a trash can)
Harry: That’s terrible, Garfield!
Harry 2: It sure is! What are we gonna do about it? (The first Harry points out his duplicate to Garfield, who turns around and sees him. He glances at both of them and then it finally sinks in)
Garfield: Oh no! (He races away) Twin Harry’s! (Both Harry's chase after him) I’m trapped in twin world where there’s two of everyone!
Harry’s: (in unison) It’s not so bad, Garfield. So what if he looks exactly like me? (They look at each other) What do you mean? (They abruptly stop) I don’t look like you! (They point at each other) You look like me!
Garfield: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! (The Harrys watch him run away)
(An exhausted Garfield makes it to the park)
Garfield: Exhale (He flops on his back) Sigh. (For a moment he gets a break, but it doesn’t last. Two Odie’s appear above him and sniff)
Odie’s: Sniff (They rest their paws on him and begin licking his face) Slurps
Garfield: Grunt! (He sits up) Whimper (He shoves one of the Odie’s off of him and turns around on his stomach) Oh no! Twin doggy tongue! (He bares his claws as he struggles to get away from them, but he escapes and flees. The pups stand there)
(The frazzled feline makes it to Vito’s)
Garfield: Hey I know this place, and I LOVE it! (He turns to the viewers and grins) It’s Vito’s pizza parlor! (He runs inside and takes a seat at a table. Vito serves him a pizza)
Vito: Bonjourno, my friend Garfield! A lovely hot pizza just for you! (Garfield grins and nods. A second Vito serves him a second pizza)
Vito 2: Bonjourno, my friend Garfield! (Seeing two Vito’s makes Garfield smile) A lovely hot pizza just for you!
Garfield: (to the viewers) Well, there can be SOME advantages (He points to the pizzas) to this twin business. (Suddenly, Eddie Gourmand appears, startling Garfield)
Eddie Gourmand: Oh, joy, (He wiggles his fingers) a delicious pizza just for me! (He eats the entire pie. Garfield stands helplessly and waves his paw at him)
Garfield: AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Eddie Gourmand: I could eat my napkin! (A second Eddie appears on Garfield’s other side)
Eddie Gourmand 2: Oh, heavenly, (He wiggles his fingers) a delicious pizza just for me!
Garfield: Whimpers (He watches as Eddie picks up the pizza and devours it whole)
Eddie Gourmand 2: (while patting his stomach) I could eat my napkin, too!
Garfield: Hey you two, one of those, (He holds one finger up) preferably both of those, (He points at the empty trays) are MINE! (He points at himself with his thumbs)
Eddie Gourmand’s: (in unison) Spits This isn’t the kind of pizza I want! (The Tubby Tabby looks at them, wincing in fear)
Eddie Gourmand: I want pepperoni, mushrooms, and onions!
Eddie Gourmand 2: I want… (His order is drowned out by Garfield, who by now, has already gone off the deep end)
Garfield: I can’t take any more of this! I gotta get outta here! (He leaps off the chair and makes a break for it) Whimpers (He runs into a third Gourmand, this one wearing a yellow chessboard shirt. He would do this a couple more times)
Eddie Gourmand 3: I want meatballs, veggies, and extra cheese!
Garfield: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Eddie Gourmand 4: I want peppers, broccoli, and anchovies! (This one has a two-shades-of-green chessboard shirt)
Garfield: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Eddie Gourmand 5: I want Canadian bacon, walnuts, and MORE Canadian bacon! (This one has a two-shades-of-purple chessboard shirt)
Garfield: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (He flees out the side door) This couldn’t get any worse! (Just as he says that, he sees Nermal in front of him. The kitten stands on his wiggly toes like a ballerina)
Nermal: Hi, Garfield. (The fat cat stops)
Garfield: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (More Nermal copycats appear, and they all greet him)
Nermal’s: (repeatedly) Hey, Garfield. (As Garfield is backed against a wall, Nermals’ shadows grow bigger and bigger. Eventually, the whole background is black, and Garfield finds himself falling into the void…)
Garfield: Row!
(The scene switches to Drucilla and Minerva, who are standing over Garfield–who is still lying amongst the trash–in Jon’s side yard. The last few minutes were just Garfield’s nightmare)
Twin Girls: Hey Garfield, are you alright?
Garfield: Moan (His eye twitches)
Twin Girls: Garfield? (The girls stand upright)
Drucilla: I think he’s OK, Drucilla.
Minerva: Oh I think he is, too, and you’re (She points at her sister) Drucilla, I’m (He points at herself) Minerva. (The boys run up)
Chester: Is the cat OK?
Minerva: Yes.
Drucilla: (shaking her head) No thanks to you. (She points at the boys)
Lester: We were just having fun.
Chester: (crossing his arms) Yeah, all our video games are busted!
Minerva: There are ways to have fun without video games.
Twin Boys: There are??
Minerva: Yeah! Why don’t you play checkers? (She and her sister put their hands on their hips)
Drucilla: Or a game with cards? (The boys look down at the ground)
Twin Boys: We don’t know how to.
Drucilla: C’mon, we’ll show you!
Twin Boys: Yay! (They run off. Garfield wakes up and recuperates)
Garfield: Exhale! Gasp! Sigh… (For the first time in a while, he gets a reprieve. After drying himself off, he slowly heads back inside through the front pet door) Well maybe that’ll keep ‘em busy for a while. After all those twins, I need two naps, (He holds up two fingers) two lunches, two dinners, and no more (He shakes his head) duplicates for a while.
Jon: Is that you, Garfield? (The cat looks up and cannot believe what he sees)
Garfield: YAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! (Jon smiles at him) Sputters
Jon: Take a look at what I have here. (He looks over at something off-screen. Garfield bolts out the front pet door and away)
Garfield: More twins! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Inside, Jon stands next to a mirror)
Jon: I just wanted to show him my new full-length mirror. I don’t understand that cat.
Jon’s Reflection: Me neither.
Jon: Huh?! (Jon looks at the mirror. His reflection is giving him a sneaky smile. Hopefully next time, Garfield will be in a better state of mind, but for now, the episode comes to a close)
THE END