(the episode begins with Garfield and Odie running through town at night)
Garfield: Come on, Odie! We're late!
Odie: We're late?
Garfield: Jon's meeting his date at the restaurant at 8:00 sharp, and I want to be there before the date breaks up.
(Garfield and Odie arrive just in time to hear Selma screaming to their shock)
(Selma emerges out of the restaurant with Jon behind her and is very angry; she has a plate full of linguine on her head)
Garfield: Ah, that must be Jon's date, the one with the linguine on her head.
Jon: (to Selma) Selma, I'm sorry I spilled that on you.
Selma: I never want to see you AGAIN!!!
(Selma storms off)
Jon: Where's she going?
Garfield: Looks like the Marine Recruiting Office.
(scene cuts to the Marine Recruiting Office where Selma walks in)
Selma: Sign me up! Send me to a foreign country! The farther away, the better. (sobbing) Any place! Just so long as there are no men there! I can't take this anymore! Get me outta here! (sobbing hysterically)
Engineer: Becker? Yeah, we got another Jon Arbuckle date out here.
(cut back to the restaurant where Jon and Garfield shake hands)
Garfield: (to Jon) The President says you're doing wonders for the all-volunteer army.
(the waiter walks out with Jon's check and a boxed dinner)
Waiter: Monsieur Arbuckle, your check. And I've packed the lady's dinner to go, as usual.
(Jon pays the waiter and hands Garfield the boxed dinner)
Jon: (sadly to Garfield) You might as well eat this.
(Garfield opens it up, but discovers salad instead)
Garfield: Salad? Why can't you go out with women who like porterhouse steaks?
Garfield, Odie, and Jon walk home)
Jon: Maybe I should give it up. I'll never find the right woman for me. (Jon spots a building) Garfield! Do you see what I see?
(we see a building called Computer Cupid)
Jon: I'll let the computer find a woman who's just like me!
(Jon runs off)
Garfield: Yeah, but what good is a woman who can't get a date, either?
(scene changes to the interior of Computer Cupid where Jon is filling out forms)
Jon: Boy, this thing sure asks a lot of personal questions.
Garfield: I could have filled out that questionnaire out for him. I know Jon better than he knows himself.
Jon: "Favorite indoor activity."
Garfield: Watching the linoleum curl.
Jon: "Favorite outdoor activity."
Garfield: Listening to a pool filter suck leaves.
Jon: "Favorite book."
Garfield: The yellow pages.
Jon: "Favorite Marx brother."
Jon: Okay. I answered all the questions.
(Jon hands the computer operator his questionnaire)
Computer Operator: Oh, fine, fine. Now, the computer will match you with a woman with approximately the same likes and dislikes.
(The computer operator inserts the questionnaire into the machine, which almost immediately gets sick, spitting up hundreds of pieces of paper as the computer operator runs away from it)
Garfield: This is the first time a computer ever spit up.
Jon: (sighs) I guess there's just no woman out there for me.
Computer Operator: I'm sorry, Mr. Arbuckle. This has never happened before. I don't know....
(the computer hands out another piece of paper)
Computer Operator: Well! The computer came through after all!
(the computer operator hands Jon a piece of paper)
Jon: (reading) Jane Arbinkle. (to himself) Well, her name seems to be a good match. I'll go home and see if I can get up the courage to call her.
(the scene changes to the next night as Garfield and Odie are watching TV as the doorbell rings)
Garfield: That must be Jon's new computer match date.
Jon: I'll get it!
(Jon runs to the door and answers it; a female version of him is seen)
Jane: Hello. I'm Jane Arbinkle.
Jon: (gasps in amazement and clears his throat) Would you excuse me for one moment?
(Jon runs to Garfield and Odie and hands them his money)
Jon: (to Garfield and Odie) Guys, I don't want anything to go wrong with this one. Could you please go out and leave us alone? Here. Go buy pasta, lots of pasta. The slow cooking kind.
(Garfield and Odie walk out the back door)
Garfield: Come on, pupster. We'll give them a half-hour. She ought to be in boot camp by then.
(cut back to the living room where Jon and Jane make themselves comfortable)
Jon: So, you're my perfect match, or so the computer says.
Jon and Jane (together) Frankly, I don't believe in that computer dating stuff. (gasp together) Isn't that interesting? We both said the same thing at the same time.
Jane: I only went there because I have such strange interests. I didn't think I'd ever meet a guy I liked.
Jon: Really? What kind of strange interests?
Jane: Oh, you'll think I'm weird.
Jon: No. No, I won't. Really. What kind of strange interests?
Jane: Well, my favorite indoor activity is...
Jane: ...watching linoleum curl.
Jon: (gasps in amazement as his eyes brighten with love)
Jane: And my favorite outdoor activity is listening as the pool filter sucks leaves.
(the sound of a pool filter sucking leaves is heard)
Jane: The thing I'm really ashamed of is...well, you know how some people collect stamps or coins.
Jane: Well, I collect...
Jon: The strings that are on teabags, and then you form them into a big ball?
Jane: Why, yes! How did you know?
(Jon runs off in excitement as he shows her his big ball of teabag strings)
(Jon tosses the ball and puts his hand in hers)
Jane: Jon, tell me. Tell me the name of your favorite Marx brother.
Jon: It's Zeppo!
Jane: Oh, Jon. It's like we were made for each other.
(Garfield and Odie return from buying pasta)
Garfield: An hour-and-a-half. Jon's computer date is probably long gone by now.
(Garfield and Odie hear dishes dropping and liquids splashing, but notices that Jon and his date are still together)
Jon: Jane, I can't believe how much we have in common.
Garfield: (shocked) She's still here?
Jon: I'm sorry I spilled that coffee on you, Jane.
Jane: Well, I'm sorry I spilled that cream sugar on you.
Jon: Oh, that's okay. I don't usually take my pants black. But then, I'm sorry I spilled that cheese dip on your dress.
Garfield: Jon's found...a female him!
(Garfield and Odie rush into the back door to the kitchen)
Garfield: We have to break this up before they break each other up. (picks up a box of dishwasher detergent and reads) "Put in one level scoop of dishwashing detergent." I'll put in the whole box.
(He does so and pushes the button, starting the dishwasher)
Jon: We've been talking so long about how much in common that we forgot to go get dinner. (sees Garfield pushing a cart of pizza and plates into the living room) Why, Garfield, that's very nice of you. (to Jane) Look, Jane. My cat brought us dinner.
Garfield: Wear it in good health.
(Garfield and Odie walk into the kitchen)
Jon: Here. Let me serve you some of this...whoops!
(Jon accidentally throws his plate and pizza out of his hands)
Jane: Oh, don't worry. That'll rinse right out with some...oh!
(something else breaks)
Jane: Oh, I'm sorry.
Garfield: (to Odie) Call the National Safety Council. Tell them we found their poster couple.
(cut to the living room where Jon and Jane are looking at an old vase that's in pieces)
Jane: That wasn't an antique I broke, was it?
Jon: Oh, no. I could get another one from my great-great-great-grandmother if she was still around. (hears the dishwasher) Oh, no! I left the dishwasher running!
(Jon rushes to the kitchen)
Jane: Oh, I do that all the time.
(Jane runs after Jon)
(Jon sees the dishwasher overstuffed)
Jon: What's going on in here? (opens the dishwasher)
(Water flies everywhere as Jon and Jane are swept by it)
Jane: Help! Help! Jon! I can't swim!
(Jon swims to Jane's rescue)
Jon: I'll save you, Jane!
(scene changes to the living room some time later as Garfield and Odie take refuge on top of a ceiling light fixture)
Garfield: Looks like low tide in the living room.
(Jon spits out water as he struggles like a fish on dry land)
Jon: I'm always doing clumsy, stupid things like that.
Jane: (sighs) So am I. Jon?
Jon: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? This could be a very dangerous relationship. One of me is bad enough.
Jane: Maybe we ought to just stay friends. We could get together every so often and spill dinner on each other.
Garfield: Well, I guess Jon's learned his lesson about computer dating.
(Garfield uses his rod to tcatch the pizza as the scene changes to the interior of Computer Cupid where the computer has come up with another piece of paper)
Computer Operator: Mr. Arbuckle, the computer has come up with a second choice for you. The individual with whom you are destined to spend the rest of your life.
(the computer oeprator hands Jon the paper, and Jon sees that it's Garfield, much to his disappointment)
Jon: (sighs) Well, at least he never spills any food on me.