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Transcript

(the episode begins as a book of American Heroes flies off the shelf and Garfield tells the story)

Garfield: (V.O.) No early American hero was as colorful as one man who walked from one end of this new land to the other, planting his seeds.

(the man does so as he greets a farmer)

Jonny: Hello. I'm walking from one end of this new land to the other, planting my seeds.

Roosevelt: Didn't someone just say that?

Farmer: Yeah, I know you, young fellow! You're Jonny Appleseed! You walk from one end of this new land to the other, planting apple seeds!

Jonny: I'm afraid I don't plant apple seeds. I plant...

Farmer: Oranges. You plant orange trees.

Jon: No. I plant.

Farmer: Lemons.

Jonny: No.

Farmer: Cherries. Tangerines.

Jonny: No, no.

Farmer: Apricots? Plums? Pears?

Jonny: No, no, and no.

Roosevelt: Wake me when we get to the end of this fruit salad.

(Roosevelt lies down and takes a nap)

Farmer: Blueberries?

Jonny: No.

Farmer: Strawberries?

Jonny: No.

Farmer: Huckleberries?

Jonny: No.

Farmer: Any kind of berry?

Jonny: No.

(Scene dissolves to nighttime)

Farmer: Polynesian water mangoes?

Jonny: No.

Farmer: (yawns) Alaskan goat papayas?

Jonny: (yawns) No.

Farmer: Okay, I give up. What do you plant, young fellow?

Roosevelt: Here comes the part where we get chased into the next county.

Jonny: I plant...ragweed!

Farmer: You plant...ragweed? (sneezes and rubs his nose)

Jonny: I'll just be going. (starts to leave)

Farmer: Ragweed makes most people sneeze! (sneezes)

Jonny: (looks at his watch) Oh, look at the time. I'm due anywhere else.

(Jonny drops his watch, but Roosevelt catches it as they're both chased by the farmer)

(the singer begins to sing as the book's pages are turned)

[Female Singer]
The legend of Jonny Ragweedseed
A tale of dismay.
Each morn, he'd visit a brand new town
And they'd chase him far away.
Yeah, they chase him far away.

(loud sneezing is heard)

Garfield: (V.O.) Every day, Jonny Ragweedseed would visit a new city. As usual, Jonny planted his ragweed all over town. And, as usual, the townspeople started sneezing.

Townsfolk: (lots of sneezing)

(Two people drop a crate and bag while someone else blows their flowers away. Another person's sneezing tips him and a rocking chair backward. Someone else sneezers a bucket of water on another person's head. One person's sneezing has even caused him to lose his grip on a ladder, causing the painter to fall off, crash to the ground and get paint all over the both of them.)

Painter: You were supposed to hold the ladder.

Holder: Yes, but I...

(they both sneeze)

Garfield: (V.O.) Soon, everyone was sneezing.

(a turkey sneezes, but a carver catches it)

Carver: Gesundheit.

Garfield: (V.O.) Even in the town saloon where two notorious bank robbers were planning their next job.

(Black Bart and Beige Bert are seen at a table)

Black Bart: There's gotta be a way to knock off that bank in Midvale. Ah...Aaah...Aaah... (sneezes)

Beige Bert: It's too well guarded, Bart. Ah...Aaaaah...Aaaah...(sneezes)

(he and his chair are tipped backward from his sneeze)

(Jonny and Roosevelt are still being chased by the townsfolk)

Woman: There he is! There's that culprit! Let's get him now!

(Black Bart emerges from the saloon and sees the commotion)

Black Bart: What in the name of Pat Buttram is going on here?

(the chase continues)

Jonny: No!

Man: Let's get him!

Jonny: Look, it's my name! I have to!

(the chase resumes as Bert emerges from the saloon)

Black Bart: Bert.

Beige Bert: Yeah, Bart?

Black Bart: I think I just figured out how we can rob the bank at Midvale.

Beige Bert: Really?

Black Bart and Beige Bert: (laugh maniacally and sneeze wildly)

(the singer begins to sing as the book's pages are turned)

[Female Singer]
The legend of Jonny Ragweedseed
A tale of dismay.
Each morn, he'd visit a brand new town
And they'd chase him far away.
Yeah, they chase him far away.

(loud sneezing is heard)

(the story cuts to a big valley as Jonny and Roosevelt find a place to rest)

Jonny: (panting) I think we lost our pursuers.

Roosevelt: To say nothing of my lunch.

Jonny: Maybe I should give it up. Change my name to something people like more. (he and Roosevelt see Bart and Bert approach them) Yikes! (to Bart and Bert) Please! I'm sorry I made you sneeze! I have to plant ragweed! It's my name! I...

Black Bart: It's okay. We like ragweed.

Beige Bert: We do? (Bart glares at him) Oh, yeah, we do.

Jonny: You do?

Black Bart: Yes. In fact, I'd like to have you decorate my...business with ragweed.

Jonny: Really? Really and truly?

Black Bart: Yes, sir. I'm the, uh, owner of the bank in Midvale.

Garfield: (V.O.) And so, the stupid, er, dedicated planter planted his ragweed all around the bank in Midvale.

Jonny: I planted ragweed around your bank, Mr. Banker, sir. (sees the clothespins on Bart and Bert's noses) Uh, why are you two wearing clothespins on your noses?

Beige Bert: Uh, that's in case we need to dry our laundry.

Black Bart: Excuse us for a second, please.

(Bart and Bert leave Jonny and Roosevelt and enter the bank)

Jonny: Well, Roosevelt, looks like I've finally found someone who appreciates my ragweed.

Garfield: (V.O.) Oh, they appreciated it, all right.

(we see the interior of the bank where everyone inside, including the townsfolk, the tellers, and the police officer are sneezing their noses out while Bart and Bert managed to steal several sacks of money Jonny and Roosevelt see them getting away with their ill-gotten gains)

Garfield: (V.O.) They appreciated it to the tune of around eight thousand bucks. They'd have appreciated it more, but that was all the money the bank had.

(Two men point to Jonny and Roosevelt; they run off like shots)

Man 1: There they are!

Man 2: There he is! He's the one who planted it! Get him!

(the townsfolk chase after them; we then quickly see Jonny and Roosevelt being led off by the police officer)

Garfield: (V.O.) Jonny Ragweedseed and his cat were quickly arrested on a charge of aggravated allergies and led off to the pokey.

(the singer begins to sing again)

[Female Singer]
The legend of Jonny Ragweedseed
is written in the wind

(Garfield hears the female singer and dashes backstage)

Garfield: Hold on!

[Female Singer]
They threw him behind some big steel bars and...

Garfield: Hey! Stop! Ahem!

Female Singer: Hey! Give me that! What you doin'?

(Garfield smashes the female singer's banjo)

Garfield: Sorry. I couldn't take one more chorus of that. (rushes back to the story as Roosevelt) Okay, take us to the slammer. And put the cost of one banjo on the kid here's tab.

(the scene cuts to the courtroom where the Judge bangs his gavel)

Judge: Jonny Ragweedseed, how do you plead?

(Jonny is on his knees, begging for mercy)

Jonny: Like this, Your Honor.

Garfield: (V.O.) But the clever cat wasn't about to give up. He grabbed Exhibit A...Jonny's pouch of ragweedseed and launched its contents into the air.

(the jury starts sneezing like crazy as the judge bangs the gavel)

Judge: Stop! Stop that cat!

(the jury continues sneezing as Jonny and Roosevelt rush out of the courthouse followed by the townsfolk)

Jonny: Where are we going? We can't get away from them.

(the townsfolk keep chasing Jonny and Roosevelt as Bart and Bert are seen running in the opposite direction towards the center of town with their ill-gotten gains)

Black Bart: (to Beige Bert) Hurry. We have to catch the 4:15 stagecoach and flee with this loot.

Beige Bert: Can I take this clothespin off now, Bart?

(Bart and Bert run right past a fleeing Jonny and Roosevelt and crash into the townsfolk, causing them to drop the money; the judge recognizes the two criminals)

Judge: Hey, I know these two! They're Black Bart and Beige Bert! They are two notorious bank robbers!

Officer: And here's all the loot from the bank heist.

Judge: Men, it would seem we've done a grave disservice to Jonny Ragweedseed.

Garfield: (V.O.) True, but it was too late. Jonny Ragweedseed disappeared into the forest with his cat, and was never seen again.

(the singer begins to sing as the book's pages are turned again)

[Female Singer]
The legend of Jonny Ragweedseed
The man they never found
If, one fine morn, you start to sneeze,
Then perhaps, he's been around.
Yeah, perhaps he's been around.

Garfield: Hey, don't make me break another banjo, lady.

[Female Singer]
The legend of Jonny Ragweedseed

Garfield: Give me that!

[Female Singer]

(straining) The man they never found

Garfield: Give...Hey! Hey! Give me that!

(Garfield breaks the strings from the female singer's second banjo)

[Female Singer]
If, one fine morn, you start to sneeze,
Then perhaps, he's been around.
Yes, perhaps he's been around.

(the pages are turned to the end of the book; the words "THE END" are seen)

(episode ends)

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