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Transcript

(descending instrumental music playing)

(T.V. clicks on)

[Singers on T.V.]

There on the sand

You gave me your hand

And told me you loved me the most

Then without pause,

You showed me your claws,

I ain't gonna be your scratching post.

Announcer on T.V.: You are watching Meow TV. The only cable TV channel featuring music videos for cats.

Kenny: Hey, You're back with your main Manx, Kitty Katnip as we continue counting down the top videos of the week. You just saw number two, "Aint Gonna Be Your Scratching Post," by Tina and the Tabbys. Next up, the hit off the new CD by Garfield is number one this week. A little rap thing he calls, "The Garfield Rap."

(scratching on record)

(upbeat instrumental rocking rap music)

[Garfield]
Meow
One day I was asleep
I heard a puppy yapping
Can't stand dogs
Who interrupt my napping
So I went to have a chat with Odie
Told the puppy dog he ought to hit the road
He said, "No way"
Tried to contradict me
That was when the little puppy licked me
Oh, how I want to kick and clobber
When I get covered with doggy slobber
But I was polite as I was able
And I kicked the doggy off the table
Landed on the floor, right in a heap
Next time, he won't interrupt my sleep
The guy I lived with got real sore
I said, "Hey, what are puppies for?"
[Backup Singers]
That's called being a cat
[Garfield]
(Lie around, get fat)
[Backup Singers]
That's what it takes to be a cat
[Garfield]
(Meow)
[Backup Singers]
That's called being a cat
[Garfield]
(Lie around, get fat)
[Backup Singers]
You'll be sitting pretty, kitty-cat
(upbeat instrumental rocking rap music continues)
[Garfield]
Just last night
I was having a snack
And this guy comes in
With a sackful of food
He said it was really great
Made for cats who are a little overweight
Well, he persisted with his plan
So I scoped the label out on the can
Beef by-products is how they try
To sell parts of the cow they can't identify
But he said it was good for my waist
And he forced me to take a little taste
I thought the stuff that he brought home
Tasted like ground up Styrofoam
He gave me a bowl,
But I couldn't complete it
I said "Hey, if it's so good,
Why don't you eat it?"
[Backup Singers]
That's called being a cat
[Garfield]
(Lie around, get fat)
[Backup Singers]
That's what it takes to be a cat
[Garfield]
(Meow)
[Backup Singers]
That's called being a cat
[Garfield]
(Lie around, get fat)
[Backup Singers]
You'll be sitting pretty, kitty-cat
(upbeat instrumental rocking rap music continues)
[Garfield]
Late at night I go out on the fence
Down the street from my residence
I bring my horn and I play a little jam
Starting at three, maybe four a.m.
People in the building
Right across the way
Get a special kind of treat
When I start their day
Is there any better one
To start off all their morns
Than the coolest cat
With the hottest of horns?
I play some jazz, and I play some blues
And they offer tips in the form of shoes
Come the morning,
And they walk out on the street
Lots of folks in their little stocking feet
But I am pleased to make them all a deal
Pays for a heck of a breakfast meal
[Backup Singers]
That's called being a cat
[Garfield]
(Lie around, get fat)
[Backup Singers]
That's what it takes to be a cat
[Garfield]
(Meow)
[Backup Singers]
That's called being a cat
[Garfield]
(Lie around, get fat)
[Backup Singers]
You'll be sitting pretty, kitty-cat
(upbeat instrumental rocking rap music continues)
[Garfield]
When I'm in the park,
People always want to pat
The furry head of a kitty cat
How many times have I heard it said
"Oh, he's cute" as they rub my head?
It was fun long ago
But the fun's been fading
I used to find the thing quite degrading
Till I came up with a solution
All I needed was
A little financial restitution
People pet me now and all is fine
Till I show them the price list on my sign
Pet the kitty on the head and neck
I accept credit cards, cash, or check
And next week our special rate begins
For folks who want to scratch me
Under my chins
[Backup Singers]
That's called being a cat
[Garfield]
(Lie around, get fat)
[Backup Singers]
That's what it takes to be a cat
[Garfield]
(Meow)
[Backup Singers]
That's called being a cat
[Garfield]
(Lie around, get fat)
[Backup Singers]
You'll be sitting pretty, kitty-cat
(upbeat instrumental rocking rap music continues)
[Garfield]
When I'm around
The women make a beeline
When they catch sight of this classy feline
Saturday night I pick up my date
That's the time we must celebrate
Some guys are trouble, some guys are fun
I'm Michael Jackson all rolled into one
She has more fun than she's ever known
Still, she'll yearn for that moment alone
That's the moment that goes to the heart
Then I smell something and quickly depart
What's so important
I'll leave her with ease?
Homemade lasagna with plenty of cheese
This is the end of The Garfield Rap
Now pass me a pillow, it's time for my nap
[Backup Singers]
That's called being a cat
That's what it takes to be a cat
That's called being a cat
You'll be sitting pretty, kitty-cat
(upbeat instrumental rocking rap music continues)
[Backup Singers]
That's called being a cat
That's what it takes to be a cat
That's called being a cat
You'll be sitting pretty, kitty-cat
(upbeat instrumental rocking rap music continues to fade out)
(episode ends)
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