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(the episode begins at a country bus stop where Orson and his cousin, Aloysius is stand when a bus comes and opens its doors)

Orson: So long.

(Orson gets in the bus and opens the window)

Orson: Keep an eye on things till I get back, Aloysius.

(the bus drives off)

(Aloysius has notepad and pencil in hand, and doesn't look at all happy)

Aloysius: Getting on a bus without saying a proper goodbye. Who does he think he is? That's five demerits.

(writes it down as the scene cuts to Wade walking on the farm and Roy peeks at him from the other side of the barn)

Wade: (hums)

Roy: There's Wade, and here am I, dirty trick in hand. (giggles as he takes out a Jack-in-the-Box with an added monster in it) "Jackenstein-in-the-Box. Guaranteed to scare the feathers off any duck!" (laughs) (grunts as he pushes the Jackenstein down into the box) Get down in there. I have a duck to scare. In! In! In! In! Oh, this'll be great! Down! Down! Down! (calls to Wade) Oh, Wade?

(Wade stops in his tracks as his name is called)

Wade: Who "Oh, Wadeded?"

(Roy appears next to Wade with the "Jackenstein-in-the-Box" and hands it to him)

Roy: Here, Wade, is a delightful Jack-in-the-Box toy which, when cranked, will pop up and offer you a tasty mint.

Wade: Uh, is this perhaps a trick, Roy?

Roy: Who, moi? A trick? How often in the past have I proven untrustworthy?

Wade: I don't know? What show number is this?

(Roy stands there, insulted by Wade's remark; it has been proven to be true more often than not.)

Wade: Well, I suppose I can trust ya.

(Wade cranks the Jack-in-the-Box toy to the tune of "Pop Goes the Weasel")

Roy: (giggles) Oh, I love it! (giggles)

(surprisingly, the Jack-in-the-Box pops up with tasty mint in hand; Wade takes it and eats it)

Wade: Mmmmm. A tasty mint, as advertised. (closes the Jack-in-the-Box and hands it back to a shocked Roy) I take back every nasty thing I ever said about you, and the next ten or eleven, as well.

Roy: I can't understand it. That monster should have popped out and scared the feathers off him!

(Roy furiously cranks the Jack-in-the-Box toy and the monster pops out, scaring Roy instead)

Roy: (screams)

(Wade hears the scream and rushes back to Roy)

Wade: Say, Roy, do you have another tasty mint? (See Roy without any feathers) Why, Roy, that is indecent of you.

(Roy smiles sheepishly as Aloysius appears)

Aloysius: I'll say it is. Walking without your feathers like that. That's disgusting! Twenty demerits!

(Aloysius writes it down and walks off)

Roy and Wade: Who was that?

Roy: Just a sec. (Roy dashes to his coop) Let's see. Summer wardrobe, winter coat. No, these are my thermal feathers. Ah, here! (Roy emerges with new feathers and a zipper) Never hurts to have a couple of extra sets around.

(Aloysius is seen writing his notes as Wade approaches him)

Wade: Who are you? I demand to know who you are and by what authority you are handing out demerits.

Aloysius: My name is Aloysius Pig. And I'm in charge.

Wade: Oh, well, if you're Aloysius Pig, and you're in charge...Un momento! (pokes Aloysius in the tummy) Who, may I ask, put you in charge, Aloysius Pig?

Aloysius: Questioning my authority? That's 15 demerits!

(Aloysius writes it down and walks off; Wade is stunned)

Roy: Whoever that guy is, we gotta get rid of him. Come on. We'll get him so annoyed he'll quit.

(Roy walks off as Wade follows him)

Wade: Fifteen demerits! I'm in so much trouble!

(the scene changes to the barn where Wade is ushered into climbing a ladder to the top)

Wade: (stuttering) But I'm afraid of any height greater than tippy-toe.

Roy: You want to get rid of Mr. Demerit, don't you? Well, I'll get him into position, and you dump that 80 pounds of creamed corn on him. (uses a stick to make an on the ground) Ninety-nine out of every hundred people quit any job where they have 80 pounds of creamed corn on them. (chuckles) Scientific fact.

(Aloysius appears with pencil and notepad and stands on the X.)

Aloysius: You there. What are you doing?

Roy: (pokes Aloysius in the tummy) What does it look like I'm doing, pork-belly?

Aloysius: Making fun of my waistline? That's not right! Ten demerits!

(Aloysius writes it down)

Roy: (whispering to Wade) Wade, now!

(Wade tries to kick the can of creamed corn down on Aloysius without looking down)

Wade: (stuttering) I cannot look downward.

Aloysius: I'm just trying to keep a little order around here.

(Aloysius walks off)

Roy: No! You can't leave yet!

(Roy walks onto the X and the can with 80 pounds of creamed corn falls on Roy instead)

Roy: I knew that'd happen. I knew that would happen. I knew that would happen.

(Aloysius appears again)

Aloysius: Dropping creaming corn on the rooster. That's repulsive! (to Wade) Twenty demerits!

Wade: No! Twenty more demerits! That's...(mutters to himself as he does the math) I have 35 demerits! Whoooaaagh! (Wade falls off the roof and crashes on Roy)

Aloysius: Falling on your friend. That's not right! Twenty more demerits!

(Aloysius writes it down and walks off)

Roy: (growls)

Wade: I have 55 demerits and I'm doomed.

Roy: Come on, Wade.

(Roy drags Wade by the wing)

Wade: Fifty-five demerits.

(Roy and Wade have arrived at a chair in a junkyard pile)

Roy: We're not taking this lying down. Lie down, Wade.

(Roy makes Wade lie down in the chair and grabs a can of blue paint and a paintbrush; begins to paint spots on Wade)

Wade: What, may I ask, are you doing?

Roy: Giving you a mysterious disease that'll scare our demerit-happy friend away. There. Now lie there and moan in pain.

(Roy rushes off)

Wade: I won't be convincing.

(Roy rushes back)

Roy: Think about your 55 demerits.

(Roy rushes off again)

Wade: Oh, the pain! Oh, dread! Oh, woe is yours truly! (moans)

(Roy, now in a doctor's outfit arrives next to Aloysius)

Roy: Quick! We have to do something!

(Roy takes Aloysius by the arm)

Aloysius: Let go of me, or I'll give you twenty demerits!

(scene cuts to Wade just as Roy and Alosius arrive)

Wade: (moans) Oh, my gosh!

Roy: It's the worst case of duck pox I've ever seen in my life. Run for the hills! Run for the border! Run for the exercise!

(Aloysius feels the paint on Wade)

Aloysius: Painting blue spots on the duck. That's terrible! Twenty-five more demerits for each of you!

(Aloysius walks off)

Wade: Roy, what are we gonna do? I have enough demerits to choke a horse! (to a horse) You should excuse the expression. (to Roy) That Aloysius pig! Ooooh!

Roy: I know what we have to do, Wade. It won't be pretty, but it has to be done.

(Roy dashes to a telephone)

Roy: Hello? I'd like to place a call to Aloysius Pig's mother.

Wade: Roy! You wouldn't! You...(stammers)

Roy: That's right! I'm gonna tell his mommy on him! (on the phone) Mrs. Pig? It's Saturday morning. Do you know where your children are?

(scene changes to Aloysius pig with his notepad reprimanding a goat)

Aloysius: Licking the glue off tin cans. That's REPULSIVE! Ten more demerits!

(Aloysius writes it down)

Goat: (bleats)

Aloysius: Talking back to me? That's twenty demerits!

(Aloysius writes it down and walks off to Roy and Wade under a tree)

Roy and Wade: (humming)

Aloysius: Loitering under a eucalyptus tree. That's ten more demerits each.

(Aloysius writes it down)

Roy and Wade: (humming continues)

Aloysius: Did you hear me? I just gave you ten demerits for loitering! And twenty more for using up too much oxygen!

(Aloysius writes that down, too)

Roy: Are we afraid of this person, Wade?

Wade: Not I, and I'm afraid of practabaly everything.

Aloysius: Why aren't you two afraid of me? And my demerits?

(Roy and Wade point to something headed for Aloysius's direction)

Aloysius: Hmmm?

Mrs. Pig: Giving demerits to all these nice people.

Aloysius: Mom!

Mrs. Pig: That's not right!

(Mrs. Pig pokes Aloysius in the nostril)

Aloysius: But Mom, I'm in charge here!

(Mrs. Pig takes Aloysius by the arm and out of the story)

Mrs. Pig: You clean your room first! Then maybe you can be in charge! Bossing people around. I don't know where you get that!

Wade: Fine work, Professor.

Roy: Our job isn't done, Wade-o.

(a banner with the words "TWO WEEKS LATER" slides up as the scene changes to two weeks later; Orson is seen getting off the bus with his suitcase full of stickers)

Orson: Ah, what a great vacation. I hope that guy I hired kept things in line while I was away.

(Roy arrives in a similar attire as Aloysius with a notepad and pencil)

Roy: Arriving home on a Tuesday without calling first. That's not right! Twenty demerits!

(Roy writes it down)

Orson: Wait a minute.

(Wade arrives in the same attire as Roy with his own notepad and pencil)

Wade: Asking Roy to wait a minute. You should be ashamed! Thirty demerits!

(Wade writes it down)

Orson: Guys.

Roy: Putting funny travel stickers on your luggage. Fifteen demerits!

(Roy writes that down, too)

Orson: But I...

Wade: Failure to send picture-postcards with funny sayings. Twenty demerits!

(Wade writes that down, also)

Orson: WHAT'S a demerit?

Roy: Not knowing what a demerit is. Fifty demerits!

(Roy writes that down, too)

Wade: Getting 50 demerits? That's not right! One hundred demerits!

(Wade writes that down, too)

Roy: A hundred? Do I hear 110? A hundred going once!

Wade: A hundred going twice!

Roy: A hundred going three times!

(episode ends)

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