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"Halt! Officer Odie orders you to stop and help!"
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(The episode opens–for a change–above Mrs. Cauldron’s pick house. She can be heard inside brewing a potion)
Mrs. Cauldron: (from inside) Six lizard noses, two pinches of tarantula hair, (the scene switches inside, and the witch is shown standing over her cauldron) and a spoonful of molded peanut butter. (She notices the audience and addresses them) Oh, oh, (she chuckles) hello. I’m Mrs. Cauldron, your friendly neighborhood old lady, who might be a witch.
Raven: Nevermore!
Mrs. Cauldron: Quiet! I have a story to tell! So here it is. And I’m not saying it’s true, but I’m not saying it isn’t either. (The screen transitions from her house to the story in question. She begins narrating) It happened one day as I was flying home on my brand-new class 13 vacuum cleaner with full options, including parking sensors. (As she flies above the neighborhood, Garfield stands behind the birdbath in his backyard. He has an evil look on his face as he stares at a snoozing Odie, who snores)
Garfield: (He chuckles and laughs as he picks up a bungee cord and stretches it in his paws) Oh, this will be great! (He tiptoes over to Odie and ties the cord to the pup’s tail. He then explains his trick to the audience) This is the bungee cord that Jon used the one time he went bungee jumping. NOT a successful activity. (He sneaks over to a stick in front of the sleeping dog’s head) Odie, wake up!
Odie: (sleepily raising his head) Huh?
Garfield: You wanna fetch the stick? (He holds it in front of the canine)
Odie: (suddenly fully awake) Bark! Bark! Bark!
Garfield: Then go fetch the stick! (He “tosses” it, and Odie runs after it. Garfield then reveals that he was still holding the twig in his paw and grins at the audience)
Odie: Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! (The bungee cord tightens) Whimper (Odie is launched into the air) AAAHHH! (He flies by Mrs. Cauldron…) Yowl! (and lands in a giant mud puddle in the backyard) AAAAAAHHHHH! (He hits the mud with a thud, and Garfield runs up next to the birdbath to witness the fruits of his labor) Mutters (Odie shakes his head, buried neck-deep in dirt and grime.
Garfield: (from offscreen) Laughs (He runs up to Odie, pointing and laughing, and then shows the pooch that he never threw the stick in the first place)
Mrs. Cauldron: (narrating) I like Garfield, but there are times when he just goes too far. (She sees Odie in the dirt and flies down to help him. She goes unnoticed by Garfield, who leaves to head back inside)
Garfield: Laughs
Odie: Huh? (Mrs. Cauldron parks and gets off her vacuum)
Mrs. Cauldron: Hello, Odie. Now, you know why Garfield can do things like that to you, don’t you?
Odie: (now out of the puddle, still filthy) Oh…uh-uh. (he shakes his head no)
Mrs. Cauldron: Because you’re not that smart, and if you were that smart, you’d know that’s the reason!
Odie: (while scratching his head) Wow! (he realizes that what the witch said is accurate)
Mrs. Cauldron: Would you like to be smarter, a LOT smarter?
Odie: (nodding his head enthusiastically) Yeah! (He spins in place, shaking some mud off) Oh…
Mrs. Cauldron: OK, (she pulls her wand out) I’m not sure you’ll like it, but here goes! (She zaps Odie with her wand)
Odie: Mutters Bark!
Mrs. Cauldron: Chuckles (Odie emerges from the spell a bit dazed. He shakes his head and collects himself)
Mrs. Cauldron: (narrating) Odie always had a good heart, (He runs off to the side yard) but suddenly, he had a good brain to go with it. (Mts. Cauldron smiles and chuckles to herself, pleased)
(Meanwhile, Garfield was inside, still giggling at his prank)
Garfield: Laughs Oh, that was great! (He hops into his chair, crosses his legs, and speaks to the audience) I wonder why the bungee cord causes someone to bounce around like that. (He uncrosses his legs and leans forward)
Odie: (Trotting in from the direction of the kitchen) Actually, it’s all due to Newton’s 3rd Law of Motion: “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. (He leaves the living room for the hallway)
Garfield: (nodding his head and tapping his chin) Aw, interesting. Thanks, Odie.
Odie: (popping back in) Don’t mention it.
Garfield: (yawning and stretching) Newton’s 3rd Law of Motion, I should’ve known. (He rests his head in his hands and closes his eyes, about to snooze, when the realization of who said that finally sinks in) Wha-? (Odie trots up the basement stairs–carrying a toolbox on his back–into the hallway. Garfield intercepts him) Odie, you said something! Not only that, but it was something, you know, like, intelligent! (Odie just trots into the living room)
Odie: (over his shoulder) Ah, well, maybe I just never had anything to say before. (He strolls into the kitchen. Garfield, positively dumbfounded, stands next to his chair with his mouth open)
Mrs. Cauldron: (narrating) It was also a new experience for Odie being able to do things he’d never done before.
(Outside, Odie is using a screwdriver on the witch’s vacuum. He presses the button on the front, and it purrs with a sound of a lawnmower)
Odie: There you go. (He switches the vacuum off) I changed the filter, tightened all the belts, (he puts the screwdriver back and grabs a wrench in its place) and updated the software on your global positioning system. (He gives the machine a few more tweaks with the wrench)
Mrs. Cauldron: (stepping forward) Well, thank you, Odie. I do hope you enjoy being intelligent. (She grabs her updated vacuum)
Odie: Of course! I can read and write and solve problems and fix things… (He counts each thing he can do on his fingers)
Mrs. Cauldron: Well, I just hope you keep feeling that way. (she gets on her vacuum and takes off, but before she gets too far, she stops in midair) Uh, one last thing, Odie. You can’t tell anyone that I magically turned you into a genius, or it will undo the spell. You’ll immediately become like you were before.
Odie: (pointing at himself) I’m smart now. I’m not dumb enough to let THAT happen.
Mrs. Cauldron: Good. See you around! (She takes off. Odie waves her good-bye)
Odie: (offscreen) Thanks again!
Mrs. Cauldron: (narrating) And for a while, at least, I guess it WAS a good thing.
(The scene shifts to Jon in his office on his computer, working on his taxes. Odie walks in and knocks his ball, getting Jon’s attention)
Jon: Oh, (he turns around to face his pup) I don’t have time to play, Odie. I have to get my taxes done and it’s just about impossible! (he sighs and gets up from his chair) I need some coffee. I’m going to be up all night! (He leaves his office to make the coffee, while Odie remains and tuns to Jon’s computer)
Odie: See, (He gets up on Jon's chair and reads what's on screen) “form 2030 itemized deductions”, what’s he talking about? This is a breeze! (He gets an intense look and begins typing on the keyboard)
(Meanwhile, Garfield is sitting on his chair, pondering this new aspect of his pooch pal)
Garfield: He’s never said anything before. I’ve kicked him off the table 7,000 times, and he never said a word except YABLOP! (Jon walks up to his cat, mug of coffee in hand)
Jon: I’m going to be up all night doing my taxes. Garfield.
Garfield: Growls slightly
(Upstairs, Odie is still hard at work when his unsuspecting owner catches him)
Jon: Odie, what are you doing in my chair? (He walks over to him. As he does, a “ding” can be heard. The beagle straightens a ream of paper in his paws and hands it to Jon, who takes it, dropping the coffee in the process) You did my taxes?! (Odie hops off the chair)
Odie: Yes, and I got you a refund. (He leaves, satisfied with his work. Jon turns to his genius dog, who simply waves to him without turning around. Jon steps forward into the doorway, and then faints in surprise)
(Later that day, at Liz’s vets office, Odie sits on the table, tapping his fingers on it, as the vet inspects him)
Liz: He looks perfectly normal to me, Jon, except that he’s suddenly become a genius.
Jon: Huh? (Odie hops off the table and waltzes out of the office with a look of superiority of his face)
Liz: I gave him an intelligence test and, well, let’s just say he’s twice as smart as we are!
Jon: Twice as smart as either of us?
Liz: No, twice as smart as you and I put together. (She leaves to take care of her next patient. Jon follows) If you’ll excuse me, I have a sick pussycat that needs attention. Wha-?
Jon: Huh? (In the other room, it’s Odie who’s holding a wooden popsicle stick thing on the cat’s tongue)
Odie: It appears you’ve been eating too much mixed grill. Try switching to a low-sodium salmon cat food. (He tosses the stick away, pulls up a pen and notepad and begins writing on it. The cat nods in agreement. Behind Odie, the humans just look at each other in surprise)
(Back at Jon’s house, Odie types on the computer)
Mrs. Cauldron: (narrating) Jon couldn’t believe how smart his dog was. (Jon enters with his video camera in hand recording the pup) He shot videos of Odie and put them on the internet. (Jon uploads a video of Odie fixing his car’s engine. Odie stands beside him and presses a key for his owner. Downstairs, Garfield sits on his chair, tossing popcorn into his mouth, watching TV with Squeak, who sits on the left arm of the chair) Before long, Odie was famous!
Brandon Scoop: “The Smartest Dog in the World”! That’s what they’re calling him since his videos have had 50,000,000 hits!
Garfield: MY Odie?! (Squeak looks at his friend)
Brandon Scoop: On Monday, he became the world champion of chess!
(The TV shows Odie playing the white pieces against the World Chess Champion. The champ moves his knight, and Odie moves his queen is front of his opponent’s king, abruptly ending the game with a checkmate)
World Chess Champion: (stammering) I can’t believe it. I just got checkmated by a dog! (He falls on the floor and throws a child-like tantrum)
Brandon Scoop: On Tuesday, he went on a game show.
(Odie stands behind a podium along with three other contestants on a trivia show)
Game Show Host: Odie, for a small fortune, when they built the Great Wall of China, who was the foreman? (Odie writes something on a notepad and shows it to everyone) You’ve written Chin Loo-hao. (Odie nods his head) That is correct! That is absolutely correct! You win the small fortune! (Odie just glances at his fingers)
Brandon Scoop: Odie promptly donated the entire small fortune to a worthy charity.
Garfield: (standing upright and upsetting the bowl of popcorn between his legs) I thought he was supposed to be smart. (He points at the TV and faces the audience)
Brandon Scoop: And perhaps most impressive, he figured out how to set up one of those beach chairs that no one can figure out! (Odie stands on a woman’s deck, reading the instructions for a beach chair. Once he is finished with them, he tosses the booklet aside and fully assembles the chair for her in just a few seconds. He stands beside it, extending his hand toward it, presenting his handiwork for her)
Woman: Oh, thank you! Thank you! I’ve been trying for 22 years to understand how to open that chair! (She steps forward and points at it, excited at the pooch’s work)
Brandon Scoop: (stepping in front of the TV camera) In just a few short days, everyone around the world has become excited about Odie! This is your gossip reporter Brandon Scoop signing off!
Garfield: Growls (He pushes a button on the TV remote, turning the TV off)
Squeak: You’re just jealous because Odie’s getting all this fame and attention.
Garfield: Oh great. Now I have a smart mouse, too. (He sighs and sinks deeper into his chair)
Mrs. Cauldron: (narrating) And someone inside the world wasn’t too happy, either. (The scene pans down to the Earth’s core. A pyramid-shaped temple stands in the middle of a cave, and inside that temple stands the Emperor of the Sloth People, and his two aides. They watch the big-brained beagle on their own TV set as the Emperor grins maliciously) He was Emperor Glorm, ruler of the kingdom at the center of the Earth!
Sloth Person: Emperor Glorm, do you think that dog is really as smart as they say?
Emperor Glorm: Smarter! And that worries me, my loyal sloth people. (He steps outside and speaks to his subjects) That canine is smart enough to lead the surface people to conquer us! (The Sloth People murmur amongst themselves) Of course, if we captured him, he could tell us how to conquer the surface people! (This is met with cheers and celebration from the crowd below)
(Back on the surface, a crowd of people is gathers on Jon’s front lawn, clamoring to speak to Odie. Jon pulls the curtains shut and locks the door)
Jon: I’m sorry, my dog can’t help you. He’s busy! (Behind him, the animals–Garfield, Squeak, and Odie–stand in the entrance from the hallway to the living room. Odie looks sad, whereas Garfield looks angry)
Squeak: Everybody wants Odie to solve their problems! (Garfield taps his foot)
Garfield: Odie, do you think you could solve mine?
Odie: I’ll try. What is it?
Garfield: (sadly) I have a lousy part in this episode. (Jon has barricaded the door using himself)
Odie: I think I can solve your problem and my own by getting out of this house.
Squeak: Where are you gonna go?
Odie: I don’t know. (He runs out the back door)
Garfield and Squeak: (looking at each other) Huh?
Mrs. Cauldron: (narrating) So Odie made a hasty exit (He climbs the back fence and balances himself, as he escapes) leaving Garfield to deal with the mobs of people outside. (Garfield taps his foot again)
Garfield: I know how to handle this. (He storms toward the door)
Jon: Please, people, I’m telling you! My dog can’t solve all your problems! (Garfield gets out through the pet door and addresses the mob of people)
Garfield: No, but your cat can. Yes, it’s me, Garfield Cat! I’m here to share my colossal brain with you all. Ask me anything!
People: I want to talk to the dog. (Disappointed, they finally leave. Garfield, looks surprised at first, and then angry)
Garfield: I’m going to bed until this episode is over. (He heads back inside)
(Elsewhere, Odie was walking slowly down the street, hanging his head and looking melancholy)
Mrs. Cauldron: (narrating) Meanwhile, Odie was trying to figure out the one thing he didn’t know: why being so smart was more trouble than being stupid.
(Odie passes by the comic book shop. Rupert, the owner, sees him)
Rupert: (standing in the doorway) Hey, Odie, can you tell me how to run my comic book shop so I can make more money? (Odie just shakes his head slowly and leaves. A truck brakes suddenly on the street next to him. Al, the dogcatcher, leans out of the passenger-side window)
Al: Hey, Odie, can you tell me a good way I can catch a dog, like say, you? (Now fearful, Odie runs around the corner. He quickly brakes in front of a young boy)
Boy: Hey, Odie, will you do my homework for me? (He holds a blue book in his hands. The genius dog takes off sprinting)
Mrs. Cauldron: (narrating) Everywhere he went, somebody wanted SOMETHING, (Odie runs into the park and hides behind a tree) but finally, he was alone… (he sees Al’s animal control truck drive by. He sighs in relief) or so he thought. (At that moment, the ground shakes and a giant drill emerges from below. It sits itself pointing at the pooch, who walks backward, terrified. Several Sloth People can be seen standing on the drill, including the Emperor himself. Not wanting anything to do with this, Odie turns and flees, but is unable to outrun the Emperor’s guards, who take him by the arms and bring him back before their ruler)
Odie: Hey! Let me go! Unhand me!
Emperor Glorm: So, this is the smartest dog in the world? (His aides hold Odie, presenting him before their leader) Well, smart dog, I trust you are smart enough to know that your survival depends on you helping me conquer the surface world!
Odie: Why me? What do you want with me?
Emperor Glorm: You have knowledge! Knowledge is power, and I want power! (His advisors drop Odie on the grass, and the emperor confronts him) Tell me, dog, how did you get to be so smart?
Mrs. Cauldron: (narrating) Odie tried to think, (the pup closes his eyes and trembles) but all he could think about (the scene shifts to Mrs. Cauldron, who pours herself a floating cup of tea from a floating teapot) was how life was so much easier before he got to be so smart. (The camera returns to Odie) And then he remembered something he heard. (Odie’s eyes pop open and he blinks. In his imagination, he sees Mrs. Cauldron telling him something) You can’t tell anyone that I magically turned you into a genius or it will undo the spell. You’ll immediately become like you were before. (She fades from Odie’s mind)
Emperor Glorm: I said, how did you get to be so smart? (Odie, now grinning, looks at the guards standing next to him)
Odie: (stepping forward) Well, a little old witch called Mrs. Cauldron cast a spell on me.
Emperor Glorm: (confused) Hmm… Grr…
(At that moment, Odie is transformed to his usual, brainless self. He shakes his head, gets up from the ground and starts running around the emperor)
Odie: Bark! Bark! (The royal guards shrug at each other. Odie hops up on one of them and licks his face) Slurp! Slurp!
Sloth Person: This? (Glorm and another sloth person recoil in disgust) This is the smartest creature on this planet?
Emperor Glorm: Use the cerebral gauge! Measure his brain power! (They pull out a device with Odie on the screen. It buzzes)
Sloth Person: No discernable intelligence.
Emperor Glorm: Grr! (He looks at the device as disappointment sets in) We might as well return to our world below.
Mrs. Cauldron: (narrating) That’s really all there is to the story, I guess. (Odie pants as the Sloth People’s drill reverses back down the hole it came from)
Odie: Pants, Hums (He trots out of the park, where a man walks by) Huh?
Man: Hey, Odie, can you answer a question for me?
Odie: (shaking his head no) Mm-mm. Pants (He runs off, leaving the man puzzled)
Mrs. Cauldron: (narrating) He went home, dumb, but happy. And he stayed that way. (The pooch runs inside, through the entryway and onto Garfield’s chair, where Jon and Garfield were. They both run into the hallway.)
Jon: DAH! Ohhh!!
Garfield: Yah! Whimpers
(Jon and Garfield calms down when they see that Odie has returned to normal)
Odie: Bark! Bark! Bark! (Garfield, at first angry, smiles in relief that Odie is his usual dumb self. Jon holds up a stick) Bark! Bark! Bark! (Jon runs to the backyard, Odie chases after him. Garfield watches and turns to face the camera with his hands on his hips)
Garfield: Huh? (Mrs. Cauldron pushes the fat cat’s screen out of the way with her own)
Mrs. Cauldron: So, here it is, and I’m not saying it’s true, but I’m not saying it isn’t either. (She laughs. Garfield, however, does the same thing to her)
Garfield: And best of all, (he stands in the center of the screen) I got my show back. Chuckles (The black circle closes around him. He tries to hold it open…) Oh, boy… (but the episode is over)
THE END