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Transcript

  • [The episode starts with a shot of the exterior of the Arbuckle house at daytime. Camera cuts to the living room, where Garfield and Odie are watching TV, each sitting on an arm of the recliner.]
  • Garfield: [looking at a TV Guide] Quick, Odie! Channel 99 is showing King Kong Gets a Mohawk Cut! Let me have the remote control!
  • [Odie sighs and hands Garfield the remote. He presses the channel button on it a few times, but nothing happens.]
  • Garfield: It doesn't seem to be working. [starts shaking the remote]
  • [Outside, Jon's car pulls into the driveway, stopping in front of the garage door, which starts to lift up.]
  • Garfield: [getting frustrated, clicking more buttons] Why doesn't this thing change the channel?
  • [Odie just shakes his head. Outside, the garage door, now fully open, starts to lower, as Jon absent-mindedly starts to drive into the garage. Not paying attention, he collides with the garage door so hard the bottom half crumbles to pieces. At the same time, the force causes the top half to lift up the other way like the flap on a pet door. Jon slams on the brakes in confusion. A split-second later, there is a loud crash, a huge cloud of debris and chipped wood, and a bumper, tire, and steering wheel bouncing out of the garage. The garage door settles, the bottom half completely gone. Cut back to Odie and Garfield, who are quite startled by the sound of the crash.]
  • Garfield: [looks closer at the "remote"] ...this isn't the TV remote! [smirks at Odie] How about that? I was trying to change the channel with a garage door opener!
  • [Jon hobbles into the living room with his hair messed up, his clothes all ripped, and his face quite scraped. In his right hand he holds a broken steering wheel.]
  • Jon: [somewhat woozily, pointing to the remains of his steering wheel] I need to buy a new car, and soon. I'm taking Marsha out tonight. The only problem is, I can't really afford a new car. [stares sullenly at wheel]
  • Voice on TV: Hee-hee, you say you can't afford a new caaaar?!
  • Jon: [turning ninety degrees to face the set] That's what I said...
  • [The creepiest-looking man imaginable appears on the screen, clad in mismatched clothing, chartreuse wingtips, orange hoop earrings, and green hair topped with a fuzzy, jiggly, purple mass. He's also not wearing any pants, putting his polka-dotted underwear on full display.]
  • Madman Murray: Then come on down to Madman Murray's miles of motorized merchandise! I am the stupidest car salesman in the world!
  • [Jon sits down between his pets, who both stare disgustedly at the deranged salesman on their TV. Jon, however, starts to look interested.]
  • Madman Murray: I sell new station wagons for a dollar-sixty! I'm giving sports cars away for a dime! [cuts to a shot of Madman Murray being recorded by a cameraman in front of the dealership] At Madman Murray's, you don't need cash! You don't need credit! At Madman Murray's, habla español!
  • Jon: That's where I'll get a new car! We'll go to Madman Murray's!
  • [Jon runs out of the room, and his pets, being wiser than he is, quickly jump down and run after him. As Jon runs out the open front door, Garfield and Odie skid to a stop just before it.]
  • Odie: Arroooooarooo-owooowwwwoo-oooohhwwoo.
  • Garfield: Right—Jon's forgotten what Madman Murray did to him on last week's show.
  • [Odie nods and smiles at the viewers.]
  • Garfield: [to fourth wall] I hope you folks are all taking notes.
  • [They continue out the door after Jon. The screen fades to a shot of a sleazy-looking car lot filled with old, beaten-up vehicles. Jon has made it to Madman Murray's dealership, and Garfield and Odie look on as Madman Murray shows Jon a pink convertible with pop-up headlights.]
  • Madman Murray: This is the car for you. Let me tell you about it.
  • Garfield: [to Odie] I'll translate.
  • Madman Murray: This car is a steal!
  • Garfield: It's a stolen car.
  • Madman Murray: [closeup of the upholstery, which is also pink] It's a very clean car.
  • Garfield: We just fished it out of a lake.
  • Jon: Well, I might be interested at the right price.
  • Garfield: [to fourth wall] "Take my wallet; I'm a sucker."
  • [Just then, Madman Murray's taller, much saner-looking assistant approaches. He looks worried.]
  • Madman Murray's assistant: [tapping on Madman Murray's shoulder] Oh, e-excuse me, Mr. Madman?
  • Madman Murray: [tries to shoo him away] Yeah, not now; I'm selling a car [lowers voice slightly] to a dumb guy.
  • Madman Murray's assistant: Y-yeah, but th-that car, you know—uh, that's the car that man returned—
  • Madman Murray: I-I-I know what he said, but that's ridiculous! [chuckles slightly, then turns to Jon, who still doesn't suspect a thing] Well, let's talk price, shall weeee? [rubs hands together]
  • Garfield: Quick, Odie. Places!
  • Odie: [salutes] Right!
  • [The two run behind Jon and get into position with their arms up in the air. Jon watches in confusion for a moment before turning his attention back to Madman Murray]
  • Madman Murray: I can sell you that car for...
  • [He scribbles a quote down on a clipboard, then rips it off and shows the paper to Jon, who jumps in horror before starting to lose consciousness.]
  • Jon: Ohhhh...
  • [As he falls backward, Garfield and Odie catch him and then lift him off the ground, Odie holding his legs and Garfield holding his back.]
  • Garfield: Nice catch! [to fourth wall] Jon does this all the time. [Odie nods sadly in agreement] He once passed out when he saw the rates on a parking meter.
  • [Fade to Jon, having regained consciousness, getting into the convertible. Odie and Garfield sit on the other side of the car, still looking unsure about the whole thing.]
  • Madman Murray: I hope you enjoy your new car!
  • Jon: Oh, I'll enjoy the car—the payments are another matter.
  • Madman Murray: Oh, by the way, it has that new, computerized voice alert. You ought to try it!
  • Jon: All right! [presses a button inside the car]
  • Abigail: [her voice initially startling Jon and Garfield] Please fasten seat belts.
  • Jon: [chuckling] Ohhh, that's right.
  • [Jon fastens his seat belt. Garfield, upon seeing Odie still unbuckled, discreetly thumb-points toward Jon. Odie gets the idea, and they both buckle up simultaneously. Jon starts to grab the steering wheel when the voice alert comes on again.]
  • Abigail: Your lights are on.
  • Jon: [points to the headlights] Heyyy! The lights are on! That's great, having that voice!
  • [Jon presses another button in the car, which makes the headlights turn off and fold into the fenders. A musical chime plays. He's about to grip the wheel again when the voice alert comes on a third time, this time accompanied by a "door ajar" buzzer.]
  • Abigail: Your door is open.
  • Jon: [cheerfully] Right again! My door is open! [closes the car door, very pleased with the voice alert system]
  • Garfield: This is troubling. I don't think a car should be smarter than the person driving it.
  • Jon: Okay. Seat belts fastened, lights off, door closed. [starts playing with the steering wheel]
  • Abigail: Your cat is overweight.
  • [Garfield does not take lightly to this remark.]
  • Garfield: [pounding his palm with his fist] Hey, how'd you like a punch in the carburetor, car?
  • [Odie covers his mouth, but is unable to suppress his hysterical snickering. Garfield glares at Odie and growls. Jon starts the car and waves goodbye to Madman Murray, who waves back.]
  • Jon: Thanks, Madman Murray!
  • [Jon drives off in his new car, leaving behind a few clouds of exhaust smoke.]
  • Madman Murray's assistant: Mr. Madman, uh, I'm worried—the-the man who traded that car in said—
  • Madman Murray: Eeehh, don't be ridiculous! [laughing slightly] How could a car fall in love with somebody?? [smirks at the notion]
  • [Fade to Jon pulling his new convertible into the driveway. After they unfasten their seat belts, Odie and Garfield hop out and skip into the house, but when Jon steps out of the driver's side, a loud continuous buzzing noise starts. Jon looks around in disorient until he figures out the sound is coming from his car.]
  • Abigail: Your keys are in the ignition.
  • Jon: Oh... that's right. [takes his key out of the ignition] Boy... [shuts car door] I really love this new car!
  • [As he starts to walk inside, the car's headlights pop up.]
  • Abigail: I love you too, Jon.
  • [The headlights fold back down. Jon hears the car and stops walking in surprise. He glances back at it and scratches his head, wondering if it really did just say that to him.]
  • Jon: Nahhhh! [continues on his way]
  • [Fade to the exterior of Jon's house at nighttime. Inside, Garfield and Odie are watching TV, each sitting on an arm of the recliner and eating a bag of cookies. The actual chair is occupied by bowls of popcorn and chips and packages of cookies and crackers. Jon walks by them in one of his nerdy "dating" suits, holding a bouquet of flowers.]
  • Jon: I'm taking Marsha out tonight, guys.
  • Garfield: [after Jon leaves] Aw, too bad. I always liked Marsha. I've got two cheeseburgers that say he's home by 9:15.
  • Odie: All riiight!
  • [They shake on it, then return to their show. Fade to Jon and Marsha pulling into the parking lot of a rather nice-looking restaurant. The fancy orange neon script sitting on the roof on the wall facing the street reads "Chez Louis".]
  • Jon: Well, here we are, Marsha! [suavely] Say... how do you like my new car?
  • Marsha: Oh, it's very attractive, Jon!
  • Jon: [putting his arm around her and gazing into her eyes] Well, so are you.
  • [The voice alert comes on then. Jon is initially taken aback until he remembers it's coming from his car, and resumes smiling at Marsha, at least until it finishes its sentence.]
  • Abigail: Your date dyes her hair.
  • [Both of them look horrified at this.]
  • Jon: What?!
  • [Marsha looks around trying to find the source of the voice, then gives Jon an icy scowl. To make matters worse, the voice alert system reiterates what it just said.]
  • Abigail: Your date. Dyes. Her hair.
  • [Jon looks mortified. He fidgets around nervously, and finally just smiles sheepishly at Marsha. After that, he buries his face in his hands in total embarrassment.]
  • Marsha: Jon, that's not funny! And I do not dye my hair!
  • Abigail: [eerily] Your date is lying.
  • [Jon facepalms, beginning to become frightened by the car's voice alert, as an offended Marsha starts getting out of the car.]
  • Marsha: Jon, I don't think this is funny. [slams the car door]
  • Jon: [standing up in the car] Marsha, don't go! [walks up to Marsha, who has her back turned to him] Marsha! I don't know anything about this!
  • [Marsha crosses her arms indignantly. What the car says next causes Jon to start shivering and cowering in fear.]
  • Abigail: Your date's dress is ugly.
  • Marsha: [furiously waving her fists around] That's it!! I'm walking home, Arbuckle! [angrily storms off]
  • Jon: Marsha! I didn't do it! Marsha? [stares at his car confusedly] Something must be wrong with this car...
  • [The headlights rotate out of the car's fenders again, flashing with each syllable the car says.]
  • Abigail: She wasn't good enough for you, Jon.
  • [Jon is now thoroughly creeped out and sweating copiously. His pupils grow until they resemble saucers and he stares at the fourth wall bewilderingly.]
  • Jon: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
  • [Nervously, he slowly eyes his car again, which now gazes at him surreptitiously.]
  • Abigail: [seductively starts revving her engine at him] Your car loves you... Jon.
  • Jon: Eehhh-hehehh, ayyyvv, avvvpppfftbluh, uuhvvhaah, veeyu... wwwwwwWWWWWWHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAA!!!!!
  • [Petrified and at a loss for words, Jon starts pointing at his car and making weird movements while mumbling gibberish. At last, he jumps in the air, his hair standing on end, screams in fright, and then skedaddles. His car, no longer dependent on a driver, squeals its tires and races after him. Back at home, Garfield and Odie are still snacking in front of the television.]
  • Garfield: Jon's date should be breaking up at any minute, knowing him. He'll be back with some silly excuse. [smirks]
  • [They hear the front door open, and only a split-second later, Jon rushes into the room having a nervous breakdown.]
  • Jon: [whimpers] My car has come to life! It says it loves me and it insulted my date, and she left, and now, my car chased me home and says she wants to marry meeeee! [runs past them out of the room]
  • Garfield: What do ya think of that one?
  • Odie: Ehh.
  • Garfield: That's more believable than most of Jon's excuses. [Odie nods in agreement] And you owe me two cheeseburgers.
  • [Odie hands Garfield his cheeseburgers; predictably, he throws them down his throat as soon as he receives them. Meanwhile, Jon skids into his bedroom and slams the door behind him. He leans against it, completely out of breath.]
  • Jon: [panting] It didn't happen!
  • [A bright light shines on his face suddenly, as if from a spotlight. It's actually the headlights from his new car, which has somehow driven into his room.]
  • Abigail: Why fight it, Jon?
  • Jon: [hugs the door, more terrified than ever] Aaaaah! How did you get in here?!!
  • Abigail: [disturbingly casually] I made a left turn at the bathroom. [dramatic zoom-in on Jon's face] Jon, you excite my pistons... [cut back to Garfield and Odie]
  • Garfield: You know, that story about the car falling in love with Jon is pretty silly.
  • Odie: [nods] Mm-hmm!
  • [Jon runs by them, yelping frightfully. Neither Odie or Garfield seem alarmed in the slightest, until Jon's new car drives through the living room after him about a second later. Quickly abandoning their snacks, the two pets run outside. Just across the street, Jon has climbed up a lamppost, and his car is trying to climb up after him. He's stuck, with nowhere to go.]
  • Jon: Leave me alone!
  • Abigail: Don't fight it, Jon. This is a marriage made in Detroit.
  • [Garfield and Odie locate Jon and his car rather quickly, and skid to a stop next to them.]
  • Garfield: It'll never work—you're too different! He's a cartoonist, anddd... you're a late-model sedan!
  • Abigail: [headlights flicker off in defeat] I suppose you are right. My true love deserted me... left me for a... glamorous job. [a couple of tears escape the convertible's headlight]
  • Jon: [quietly, in shock] Garfield, what am I gonna do?
  • Garfield: Uh, if we can reunite her with her true love, that may solve everything. [to Abigail] Tell me about this "true love".
  • Abigail: [slides backward onto the ground, turning to face Garfield] Well... he had a commanding voice, [purring engine] a very authoritative presence...
  • [The camera fades to the exterior of a small airport terminal, a sign on the building reading "MUNICIPAL AIRPORT". In the background is a runway with some planes sitting idly on it, and a small hangar. A shuttle bus passes by, followed by a taxi. Soon, a familiar pink convertible appears, parking in front of the terminal entrance as a couple of trucks whiz by. The airport's PA system comes on, its announcement resonating throughout the entire parking lot as depressing music begins to play in the background.]
  • Steve: The white zone is for loading and unloading of passengers only.
  • [Jon, Garfield, and Odie step out of the car, still appearing not quite sure what they are doing here.]
  • Abigail: That's him... that's Steve!
  • Steve: No stopping in the white zone.
  • Abigail: Steve... Steve... it's me!
  • Steve: Abigail, is it really... you?
  • Abigail: It's me. And I have missed you.
  • [Touched by this unconventional reunion, Garfield's, Odie's and Jon's eyes basically turn into dripping leaky faucets, hilariously creating large puddles on the ground that eventually grow and merge into one giant puddle.]
  • Steve: Oh, Abigail, I have missed you too.
  • Garfield: [sentimentally] This is so beautiful...
  • [Odie suddenly hugs Garfield and weeps loudly, startling him and ruining the moment for him. Annoyed at being rained on with doggy tears, he grouchily pushes Odie away.]
  • Odie: Oooowwww? [stops crying too]
  • Jon: [sniffles and sobs, having been rendered completely emotionally wrecked by the scene] We'll just leave them here together. I-I-I'll get a new caaar! One that doesn't ta-alk! [bawls]
  • Garfield: Aww. We had a happy ending.
  • [A buff, mustached policeman taps Jon on the shoulder]
  • Policeman: This your car, pal? You're not supposed to park in the white zone!
  • Jon: [struggling to compose himself] Oh-ahuh, I'm not parked. [sniffles loudly] No, I-I'm reuniting my car with her true love.
  • Policeman: [not buying it] Yeahhh. Right. [grabs Jon's arm and escorts him away] I think you'd better come along with me.
  • Jon: No, really! My car was in love with me, but we got her back together with her boyfriend, and...
  • [Garfield and Odie watch as the cop continues to drag Jon off, listening to his alibi with a cold, unconvinced sneer.]
  • Garfield: Well, it was almost a happy ending. Let's go have a joyous reunion with some pasta.
  • Odie: Rerf!
  • [They walk away out of the airport, as Abigail romantically caresses Steve's pole. A heart-shaped iris out begins, stopping when it frames Abigail's "face". Fade to black.]
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