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Transcript

(the episode begins in the living room; house plants are everywhere as Garfield pretends to prowl)

Garfield: The dreaded jungle tiger-cat prowls in search of food. Growl. Snarl. Growl. Growl. (to the audience) Hey, it's my fantasy. I can do all the sound effects I want, okay?

(Garfield continues to prowl and sees what he believes is a snake, but it's actually Odie's tail)

Garfield: Oh, no! It's the terminally poisonous jungle snake, waiting to lure an unsuspecting victim with its hypnotic dance of doom. But the jungle tiger cat is the supreme predator, the consummate hunter, and, fortunately, the smartest link in the food chain. Roar!

(Garfield tackles Odie, causing them both to roll, destroying the house plants)

Odie: (yells out)

Garfield: Grrr!

(Jon suddenly runs into the room)

Jon: Garfield! Odie! The plants! Look at this mess!

(Jons sees his ruined ferns)

Jon: Oh, no! Not my ferns again!

Odie: (whines)

Jon: I've told you before not to play with the house plants, especially the ferns! I ought to take away your T.V. privileges as punishment.

(Garfield runs to the chair and T.V. set and begs Jon to reconsider)

Garfield: No, no! Not that! Please, my favorite movie, Attack of the Giant Pod People is on today. I'll sit here and be good. I won't do anything. I won't sleep. I won't eat. I won't even scratch. (to the audience) Let me know if he's buying this. (to Jon) Honest. I promise.

Jon: There must be a fern somewhere that's Garfield-proof.

(scene changes to the City Arboretum Plant and Gift Shop; Jon is there with Mr. Rhizome, who is watering the plants, but ends up watering the counter)

Mr. Rhizome: (laughs) Cat got the fern again, eh, Jonny? (chuckles) Shame. You know, that one you bought last time was a real beauty. Adiantum capillus-veneris, I believe.

Jon: I want a strong fern this time, Mr. Rhizome, one that can stand up to real punishment. One that...one that looks like this one!

(Jon points to a strong plant with big leaves as Mr. Rhizome comes to it)

Mr. Rhizome: Oh, dear. My eyes are going. I'll be needing new glasses soon. That's a...Ah! Nephrolepis Exaltata, I believe. Mm-hm. Got a few of them in this morning with the arboretum's shipment.

(Mr. Rhizome waters the plant; Jon takes it and waters the counter again)

Jon: I'll take it.

Mr. Rhizome: They'll ring it up for you at the counter, Jonny.

Jon: Thanks, Mr. Rhizome.

(the phone rings and Mr. Rhizome answers it.)

Mr. Rhizome: Hello, Exhibit Department. The meat-eating fern? Ah, that would be Nephrolepis Monstera Carniverum Deliciosa Strangulatum.

(Mr. Rhizome waters his telephone as Jon exits with the fern, little realizing it was the meat-eating fern)

Mr. Rhizome: Yes, it came in today. Gee, it was here a moment ago.

(scene changes back to Garfield's house where Jon's car enters the driveway; Mort, Gort, and Wart's theme "In the Hall of the Mountain King from 1988 plays in the background as Jon enters the house with the plant)

Jon: Hi, boys! Wait till you see what I bought!

Garfield: Is it edible, whatever it is?

(Garfield jumps out of the chair and meets Jon and Odie; Jon gets a book and researches the plant he just bought)

Odie: (barks excitedly)

Jon: This fern is called Nephroleptis Exaltata. (reads) "Introduced in 1793 from the tropics. Reproduces from spores."

Garfield: Yuck. I don't touch anything that has spores.

Jon: (reads) "Keep adequately lit, but well away from heat and direct rays from the sun and from cats named Garfield."

Garfield: Hey, I'm famous!

Jon: Now, I'll get it some water.

(Jon leaves; Garfield is about to taste the plant, but Jon suddenly comes back and warns him)

Jon: Leave it alone, or I won't let you watch Attack of the Giant Pod People.

Garfield: You're a cruel man, Jon Arbuckle.

(Garfield walks away from the plant and sits back in the chair and turns on the T.V., little realizing that the leaves are starting to move by themselves)

Garfield: Ah, I got half an hour till my movie.

(the plant's leaves start to make noise as they wave along; Garfield turns around)

Garfield: Is somebody there?

(the leaves go back to their normal position)

Garfield: Hm. Could've sworn somebody came into the room. Oh, well.

(the leaves come back to life, and the fern marches closer to Garfield's location, causing Garfield to be alerted)

Garfield: There's somebody here! Maybe it's an evil ugly monster. No, worse. Maybe it's Nermal.

(Garfield peers over the back of the chair and sees the plant waving at him; the Trapped by Mort, Gort, and Wart theme from 1988 plays)

Garfield: Oh. The plant is waving at me? Nah! Must be my bored imagination crying out for trivial amusement.

(Garfield sits back down in the chair)

Garfield: Only 20 minutes till my movie. I'll watch some meaningless drivel until then.

(Garfield switches the channel; the plant's vines start to reach towards Garfield and tickle him.)

Garfield: (chuckles) Cut it out, Odie.

(the vines grab him lovingly, then grab him out of his chair.)

Garfield: Hey. Hey!

(Garfield is pulled towards the man-eating plant as he grabs a table leg)

Garfield: This is not happening. This is not happening.

Plant: (roars)

Garfield: This is not happening.

(the plant uses another vine to force Garfield to let go of the table; he hangs on to the carpet with his claws in an attempt to avoid being eaten)

Garfield: Now I know how everything I've ever eaten must've felt.

Plant (roars)

Garfield: Yikes!

(Garfield escapes the plant's jaws and pulls forward, but the plant pulls him back just as Jon and Odie are seen with a watering can)

Odie: (barks)

Jon: (sternly) Garfield, you let go of that fern.

Garfield: We would like very much to be able to do that. Any suggestions?

(Two more vines grab Jon and Odie)

Jon and Odie: Yikes!!

(Jon drops the watering can as he and Odie are pulled towards the mouth of the plant)

Jon: Help! Help!

Garfield: You were saying something about me letting go of the fern?

Odie: (growls)

(Odie bites down on one of the vines as he, Garfield, and Jon struggle against the plant.)

Garfield: (grunts)

(Garfield musters enough strength to break free and is sent crashing into the bookshelf)

Jon: Garfield, get help!

Garfield: Get help?

Jon: (to the plant) No!

(Garfield runs to the kitchen, and is very skeptical; the Mort, Gort, and Wart Runaway theme from 1988 plays)

Garfield: What am I gonna do? "Hello, police? I'd like to report a geranium eating my friends?"

(the vine chases Garfield into the kitchen; Garfield grabs a food processor and turns it on and threatens the plant)

Garfield: Stay back! I've got a food processor and I know how to use it!

(The vine leaves Garfield alone, but Jon and Odie are still in big trouble)

Jon and Odie: (screaming)

(Pounding is heard on the front door)

Mr. Rhizome: Jonny boy, are you all right?!

Mr. Rhizome breaks the front door down and bursts in with a chair and a whip in hand and proceeds to whip the plant to release Jon and Odie)

Mr. Rhizome: Hold on, Jonny, I'll save you! Back! Back, I say! Down! Bad plant!

(Jon and Odie are released, causing them to fall to the floor; Garfield emerges with some dressing)

Garfield: Awwwww. I'd just found the Thousand Island dressing, and I was about to make the world's biggest salad bar.

(Jon and Odie are shaken up)

Jon: Wh-wh-wh-wh-what was that?

Mr. Rhizome: Fern got your cat, eh, Jonny? I'm sorry. I accidentally gave you a rare meat-eating fern by mistake.

(Mr. Rhizome hands Jon the real plant and takes the meat-eating fern)

Mr. Rhizome: Here is the real Nephroleptis Exaltata. This naughty fern is going safely behind glass. Sorry for the mix-up.

(Mr. Rhizome leaves)

Garfield: Well, let's watch some T.V. and relax.

(Garfield, Odie, and Jon all go to the T.V. set as peaceful music plays; Garfield changes channels to the movie)

Announcer: (on T.V.) And now, the afternoon movie: Attack of the Giant Pod People, the story of plant creatures who invaded Earth and devoured everyone and everything.

Jon: No.

Odie: (simultaneously whines in fear)

Garfield: I don't think so.

(Garfield switches the channel to another program)

Hostess: (on T.V.) Welcome to The Crochet Hour. Today, we're going to discuss how to make doilies in the shape of small children.

(episode ends)

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