(The episode begins one evening in Jon’s neighborhood. Inside the house, Garfield and Squeak watch some TV while nibbling on popcorn)
Man: (on TV) Be careful, Jennifer! The unspeakable horror is nearby! (A close-up shot of the two friends show Squeak is a lot more frightened than Garfield) It could be anywhere! Anywhere at all! (Outside, Jon pulls his car into the garage, using turn signals because he’s a responsible driver. Inside, Garfield and Squeak continue their show) You never know when an unspeakable horror will just walk through the door! (Jon exits the car, while inside…)
Squeak: Gasp! “Just walk in the door”?
Garfield: He’s right, Squeak. (He holds his finger up and then wiggles his fingers creepily in front of the rodent) An unspeakable horror could be walking right through that door any second. (At that moment, the doorknob rattles) Wha-? (Squeak dives into the popcorn bucket. The door opens. Garfield crouches down in his chair, but also helps himself to some more popcorn. The lights turn on and Jon walks into the living room holding an accordion)
Jon: Hey, look what I have: an accordion! (He holds it up for Garfield to see)
Garfield: Gasp! An accordion?!
Jon: While I was visiting my folks I found this up in the attic. My old accordion! (He holds it up to his face)
Garfield: (while sitting on all fours on the arm of his chair) Please don’t tell me you’re gonna see if you can still play it. (Jon walks over and sits down on one of the chairs)
Job: And I thought I'd see if I could still play it.
Garfield: Sigh. I’m doomed. (He hangs his head. While Jon looks at the accordion, Garfield hides behind his chair) Maybe I can still make a break for the door. (He ducks underneath it. Squeak leaps into the air and dives back into the popcorn bucket, flipping it upside-down in the process. Jon extends the accordion as Garfield slinks around the chair, still on all fours) I’ll hide out in another state! No, another continent! (He bolts for the door) Another planet! Another galaxy! (Jon closes the accordion, making some off-key notes in the process and stopping Garfield’s escape. Jon plays it some more) I heard the accordion! (Jon dances as he plays it. His cat, with bared claws, pulls himself toward the door) AAH! OOH! AAH! OHH! EEE! AAH! (Jon continues playing without a care in the world) HOO-HOO! HAA! HOO-HOO! (Squeak lifts the popcorn bucket and looks out from it. He sees and hears Jon playing and screams)
Squeak: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! (Garfield continues clawing his way toward the door)
Garfield: AHH! HOO! NYOW! (Jon stops playing for a second)
Jon: You know, Garfield, I was pretty good in my day.
Garfield: What day was that? Because it’s certainly not today! (Jon resumes playing and Garfield continues crawling away) HOO-HOO! AHH! EE!
Jon: I wonder what would be a good place to practice? (He leaves. The Tubby Tabby’s toes and tail twitch)
Garfield: How about Ecuador? It’s lovely this time of year! (He turns around and crawls into the living room, using the wall to brace himself as he sits on his knees) HOO-HOO! OH! OH! OH! I wonder if it bothered Squeak as much as it bothered me. (He crawls to the chair, where Squeak is hiding like an ostrich with its head buried in the sand, trembling) Yep, he looks pretty bothered. (Squeak emerges)
Squeak: Make it stop, Garfield! Make it stop! (He covers his ears)
Garfield: (standing up) I wish I could. Researchers have discovered that the accordion is the second (He holds up two fingers) most hated musical instrument in the world.
Squeak: “Second”?!
Garfield: What? You never heard of bagpipes? (Squeak thinks it over, and then agrees with the Flabby Tabby)
Squeak: Oh, right. (The accordion’s whining continues to play. It comes from the kitchen. Squeak and Garfield run toward the kitchen. Garfield brakes on his heel next to the entrance and stands next to it)
Garfield: It sounds like Jon’s practicing, (He bends down as Squeak leaps into his paw) if you can call that “practicing”. (He peeks into the kitchen, holding Squeak up so that he can also see) In the den of all places. (That’s a kitchen, but I digress. They see the pet door flap, as if someone just left)
(The camera shifts to Garfield and Squeak)
Squeak: Why do people PLAY that thing?! (Garfield lifts the pet door and hears Jon playing in the shed)
Garfield: Beats me. (The camera pans to Odie hopping and dancing into the shed) You’ve got to be totally without brains to like an accordion. (On cue, the camera shifts to Odie, who is dancing in front of his master as the latter plays)
Odie: Bark! Mutters (Returning to Garfield and Squeak…)
Garfield: (turning to Squeak) Your Honor, there’s (He glances at the shed, and then back to his rodent pal) my proof. (They close the pet door and stand in the kitchen. Garfield puts his paw to his mouth, thinking of a plan)
Squeak: Garfield, what are we gonna do?!
Garfield: Wait! (He holds a finger up) I have an idea. (He bends down and looks at Squeak, touching his toes as he does)
(Meanwhile, Jon practices non-stop in the shed in front of Odie, who hums along and dances, enjoying the music)
Odie: Hums
Jon: Laughs Odie this is GREAT! I’m gonna practice and practice until I get really good at this! (Which is good, just don’t get complaints from PETA while you do) Huh? (He spots Squeak standing in the doorway)
Squeak: (taunting) Hey accordion boy! You have a mouse in your house! (Jon stops and stares at him. The rodent jumps in place) What are you gonna do about it? (He sticks his tongue out at Jon)
Jon: A mouse! (Terrified, he drops the instrument and leaps into the air, clinging to a support beam above him) There’s a mouse in the house again!
Squeak: (waving) It’s the same one as always. (I like Squeak. He's a good-natured mouse, but he's also clever. Anyway, he bows. Odie looks at his horrified human)
Jon: AAAAAAHHH! Get him, Odie! (He points at Squeak. Odie looks at the mouse and obeys)
Odie: Bark! (He crouches down in an attack stance and leaps after Squeak. The chase begins. It’s weird seeing them interact like this since in later seasons, the three of them–Garfield, Odie, and Squeak–are good friends) Bark! Bark! Bark! (The pup follows the mouse inside. Jon runs after them, pointing frantically)
Jon: Catch that mouse! (With Jon and Odie gone, and the accordion unguarded, Garfield peeks around the corner of the house with an evil look. He looks at the shed, then back around the corner, then back at the shed. Seeing his plan working and the window of opportunity wide open, he takes it. He runs into the shed, grabs the instrument, hustles into the front yard, kicks the lid of one of his garbage cans, and slams the accordion inside)
Garfield: Growl! (His teeth make their vicious triangular shape as he disposes of the polka-playing device. He looks up the street and sees a welcome sight. He clasps his paws together joyfully) Laughs My timing is perfect. (The garbage truck rounds the bend) Here you go. (He dusts his paws off like people do when a job is done) So much for the accordion. (He runs off)
(The garbage collectors roll up in their truck)
Garbage Truck Man: This is our last stop before lunch, Percy. Where do you wanna go?
Percy: Ah, anywhere. (He holds his belly) Ah, the fragrant scents of garbage (He waves his hand toward his nose) always makes me hungry! (He rubs his stomach and the two of them exit the truck. Garbage Truck Man grabs one can and lifts it, while Percy lifts the lid of the other trash can and looks inside) Hey, (He drops the lid) looks like somebody threw away a perfectly good accordion! (He pulls it out)
Garbage Truck Man: (while emptying the first trash can) Just throw it on the truck! (Percy starts playing, much to his friend’s displeasure)
Percy: I used to play one of these. I gave it up because hauling trash (Garbage Truck Man shakes his head) seemed, uh, like a more respectable job.
Garbage Truck Man: (while covering his ears) Oh no! You’re not bringing that thing aboard MY garbage truck! (He gestures to himself)
(Later, a tired Jon and panting puppy return to the shed)
Jon: That mouse that got away, he looked a lot like the mouse Garfield got rid of last week! And the one he got rid of (Odie looks up at his owner) the week before that, and the one he got rid of… (He notices something missing from the the stool he was sitting on earlier) Odie, my accordion! (The camera pans to the stool) I left it right here, (He points at the stool. Odie looks at the seat, Jon and then back to the seat) and it’s gone! (Odie retracts his tongue)
Odie: Huh?! Gasp! Mutters (He shakes his head and starts sniffing around the floor, looking for a trace of the accordion)
Jon: Oh! Where could it have disappeared to?! (He falls to his knees while Odie smells the surrounding area. They soon hear a knock on the shed door, and turn around to respond) Yes? (Garbage Truck Man stands in the doorway)
Garbage Truck Man: (while holding up the accordion) I believe this is yours. (He points at it and shakes his head) Don’t throw that thing away again. We’re not allowed to accept hazardous materials! (He tosses the instrument into the shed, where it coils and recoils in front of Jon and Odie. The pooch looks at it, and then at Jon, who picks it up)
Jon: I don’t understand this for a minute. (He looks at the accordion and shakes his head)
(Meanwhile, Garfield is in bed, completely covered by his blanket, enjoying the sweet sound of silence. Garfield then lifts his head from under the blanket)
Garfield: Do you hear that, Squeak? (Squeak stands up inside Garfield’s bed)
Squeak: I don’t hear anything.
Garfield: Yes! (He smiles a big smile) And isn’t it beautiful? (He inhales deeply) I think I'll go take a nap.
Squeak: Woo! After that run, I could use one, too! (He flops backwards into Garfield’s bed)
Garfield: Yawn! (He retreats back under his blanket) Oh boy this cat feels so good! No more accordion. (He does not doze off yet when Jon enters)
Jon: (offscreen) I’ll serenade you to sleep, Garfield. (He plays a couple of notes from the accordion. In response, the fat cat leaps into the air)
Garfield: YAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! (Squeak also jumps, but not nearly as high as Garfield did. The blanket covers the mouse as Jon plays. The camera points at Garfield, who jumped so high and so fast he slammed his back into the ceiling, cracking not just the paint, but the ceiling itself. He remains up there for a few moments, wincing in pain with his claws bared and fingers and toes bent before Jon notices paint chips falling from above him. He stops for a moment and looks up as the poor pussycat falls to the floor, again landing on his back)
Jon: Garfield! (The camera’s focus shifts back to the cat, who has his tongue hanging from his mouth, his teeth locked, his face still grimacing in pain, and his fingers and toes bent out of line) Are you alright? (A first-person view from Garfield shows a blurry picture of Jon standing over him) Garfield! (The camera shifts from Garfield to his kneeling owner, although the Tubby Tabby’s toes remain visible) Oh, what am I gonna do? Maybe I should call the paramedics, or a vet! Wait, they say music has healing powers. (He grabs the accordion’s handle) I’ll play him a tune on the accordion. (He uncoils it, only for Garfield to suddenly sit upright and come face-to-face with his owner)
Garfield: I’m in ENOUGH pain!
Jon: That’s better. (He gets up and starts walking out of the room) But you probably still need first aid. (He points up) I’ll go get the kit. (Garfield watches him leave, and then angrily looks at the instrument)
Garfield: I have to get this…this… (He trembles furiously, like a ticking time bomb) this thing outta here! (He waves his arms across his body, in a “no” sort of motion. His ear twitches at he does)
(The scene switches to the hall above the stairs. Garfield, now carrying the accordion above his head, slips a bit as he rounds the corner and bounds down the stairs)
Garfield: I’ll find some place for it where… (He hustles out the door) it’ll NEVER be seen again! (He turns to his left and runs up the street)
(After getting the first aid kit, Jon re enters his bedroom, only to find that both his cat and instrument to have disappeared)
Jon: Where did Garfield go? (Odie peeks into the room) And WHERE’S my accordion?! (The floor is spotless, even clear of the ceiling debris from earlier. Odie puts his nose to the floor) I have to find Garfield and I HAVE to find my accordion! (He leaves. Odie, being the loyal pup that he is, starts smelling the floor for any trace either his friend or the accordion)
Odie: Sniffs (I was wrong about the floor being spotless, because now there are some paint chips from the ceiling on the floor. Odie sniffs around them and nudges them with his nose. Eventually, he follows the scent out the front pet door)
(Elsewhere, Garfield is desperately trying to come up with some way to get rid of the accordion, which he now carries under his right arm)
Garfield: Pants (He points into the air and addresses the viewers) Maybe I can ship it to some foreign country. (He turns to the camera and looks back down at the accordion) Oh no, that’s how wars get started. Pants (The audience gets a front view of the Flabby Tabby as he points into the air again) Hey, I know what I’ll do with it! (He runs into the camera, transitioning into a scene by the lake. Garfield sprints down the dock, holding the instrument in front of him) Farewell forever, accordion! (He punts it into the lake, where it lands and instantly sinks. Satisfied with himself, he turns around, walks back up the pier, and dusts his paws off, smiling triumphantly, before taking a moment to speak to the audience again) My conscience says it’s wrong, but my ears are saying, (He freezes in place for a moment) “Shut up! (He points down) You don’t have to listen to that contraption!” (A voice then calls out to him)
Lifeguard: Hey, cat! (Caught off-guard, Garfield turns around, looking like he just got caught stealing something)
Garfield: Wha-! (At the end of the dock, a lifeguard yells to him)
Lifeguard: Didn’t you read the sign? (He points to a sign at the other end of the dock. Garfield sees it, walks to the other side of it, and starts reading)
Garfield: “Warning! Illegal to dump toxic waste, dangerous chemicals, (He puts a paw to his lips, as if he were thinking) radioactive isotopes, poisonous substances, and especially accordions.” (His voice somewhat trails off when reading that last word. He again gets a look like he just got caught red-handed)
Lifeguard: (offscreen) You wanna make the fish sick?! (Garfield moves his head to get a better look at the lifeguard, and then proceeds to get the accordion literally thrown back in his face, knocking him over. Dejected, the fat cat leaves, dragging the accordion with him)
Garfield: I see your point. (As he drags Jon’s old instrument, the back half stays put for a moment before suddenly recoiling and making notes, causing Garfield to flinch) I’ll find someplace else to get rid of it. (The accordion uncoils and recoils itself another couple of times as Garfield leaves the lake. The feline flinches each time it sounds)
(As Garfield leaves, Odie, being the unintelligent–yet loyal–dog that he is, walks up to the lake, literally passing right by Garfield and the accordion)
Odie: Sniffs (He continues following his powerful nose as he hunts for the accordion. Evidently, neither Garfield nor Odie noticed the other’s presence at that location)
(Later, in the city, Garfield holds the accordion behind his back. His paw is lifted to his lips as he ponders another way to dispose of it. After walking behind…something, he smiles as he thinks he has spotted his solution: a homeless man sitting in a bus stop. He screeches in front of an alley and runs down it)
Garfield: The trick to getting rid of something is making it look like something you want. (He finds a pile of empty boxes. He throws a couple of objects away–one of them being a tambourine–and slams the accordion inside. He wiggles his fingers happily and the tearing of paper can be heard) Oh, look at the lovely, valuable present (He lifts the box to show the viewers, which now is wrapped in navy blue wrapping paper and a white ribbon with a bow) I got! (He zips up to the homeless man, who looks at the seemingly generous cat. Garfield smiles as he hands him the present, wiggles his fingers, and zooms away. The man then looks at it)
(Nearby, Garfield is racing home and once again dusting his paws off, thinking that he finally got rid of that troublesome device)
Garfield: Now to go home and enjoy the sound of no accordion music! (Before he can get too far, however, the homeless man–now irate–grabs him by the neck and picks him up)
Homeless Man: AAAAAHHHHHH! Listen, cat, I'm desperate. (He shakes Garfield, who looks back at him nervously) I haven’t eaten in two weeks, but there are some things (He hands Garfield the accordion back) even I won’t take! (He drops the Tubby Tabby, who lands on his rear. The accordion falls in front of him, continuing to sing its song)
(Meanwhile, Odie is still hot on the trail)
Odie: Sniffs (He follows the scent past the bus stop where the man was and continues walking and sniffing the sidewalk)
(Later that night, at a construction site, Garfield slides in front of an opening in the picket fence. He sees a giant hole in front of him. After looking around to make sure the coast is clear, he smiles, seeing the perfect opportunity to be rid of the thing)
Garfield: In you go! (He races to the edge of the hole and tosses the accordion in, his teeth make that vicious triangular shape. He turns to his right, finds a jackhammer, and uses it. He circles the hole, at first holding on for dear life before disappearing from view and then reappearing, wrapping his toes around it, balancing himself. He bounces toward a pile of dirt, which is being kept from falling into the pit by a fence. He rides the jackhammer on the fence, breaking it bit by bit)
(Soon after, Garfield has completely buried his version of a torture device. He angrily stomps on the dirt mound)
Garfield: Now I’ll never see that instrument (He pats it down some more with his foot for good measure) of evil (A nearby ladder falls over) again! (He clasps his paws together and runs off) Evil laugh (As he leaves, and laughs, Odie–who has been following the accordion smell for some time now considering that the sun has set–stumbles upon the construction site Garfield had just left. Just like the lake, neither he nor Garfield realized how close in proximity they were to each other)
Odie: Sniffs (He sniffs closer and closer to the dirt pile covering Jon’s accordion. Realizing that he might’ve found it gives him a bit of frustration) Moan! Sniffs (He smells some more for good measure as this is a daunting duty, even for a dog who’s a diligent digger)
(Back at the house, a few passersby drive/walk past. Garfield is eating some cookies at the table and Jon is pacing nervously, concerned for his missing mutt)
Jon: First my accordion disappears, (Garfield scarfs two cookies) and now Odie hasn’t been around for HOURS! (He turns around to face his cat. At first, Jon looks angry, but he is too worried about Odie to be any other emotion) I wonder what he’s doing, (He puts his hand to his face and wipes it from the top down) where he is.
(What Odie was doing at the time was digging. A lot of digging)
Odie: Mutters (At the bottom of the hole, he successfully finds Jon’s accordion, much to the pup’s bewilderment) Huh?! Howl! (The screen fades to black, even though the episode isn’t quite over yet)
(Later that night, the camera pans down to Jon’s house. Odie had somehow managed to free himself from the bottom of the hole and he is now carrying the accordion in his mouth back home for his master’s enjoyment. As he carries it, the accordion makes its distinct noise. He runs up to the house and runs up to the front door, but the accordion is too wide to fit into the pet door. As a result, he slams face first into the door, the accordion sounds as it also collides with the door. This sound does not go unnoticed, as Garfield–who had been sleeping in his bed on Jon’s dresser–wakes up)
Garfield: No, it couldn’t be. Chuckles It’s just a bad dream, that’s all. (He nods, convincing himself that he’s just hearing things) Yawn! I just gotta get some more sleep. (He dozes off again)
(While standing on the welcome mat, Odie, a little dazed from the collision, shakes his head violently. The accordion, which is stretched out wide in a shape of a U around the pup’s head, sings its song again. This time, Garfield is a lot more scared as his eyes snap open and he starts to get up)
Garfield: That’s it! (Odie jumps. Inside, the frazzled feline has not moved from his bed) That’s the voice of Jon’s accordion! (He turns to his left) I know it anywhere! (He crouches back into his bed) It’s coming for me! It’s saying you tried to do away with me. (He sinks his head under the blanket)
(Outside, Odie, who was having no luck getting through the front door, decides to run around the house to get in via the back, the accordion in his mouth whines as the pup bounds along)
(Inside, the paranoid pussycat sneaks around the corner of the hallway, at the top of the stairs. He shuffles his feet as he approaches the height of the staircase)
Garfield: No, there’s nothing in there. (He winces) It’s just my imagination. (He looks up at the ceiling, and then looks back down the stairs. In the distance, the accordion whines again)
(The scene shifts to the back door. Odie has made some progress getting in, but one end of the accordion is caught outside the pet door. Inside, the persistent pooch struggles to pull the instrument fully inside)
(In the living room, Garfield–who is unable to sleep due to his fear of the accordion’s return, only made worse due to its constant noise–decides to check it out)
Garfield: I’ll see for myself (He stands next to the fireplace, cautiously looking around the corner) and then I'll be able (He zips to the entrance from the living room to the kitchen, standing on his toes with his back to the wall, as if not wanting to be seen) to go back to sleep. (He looks around the corner)
(The camera provides a top-down view of Odie, who has gotten himself on top of the refrigerator, but the accordion is still stuck, and it is being stretched to its limit. Odie tugs at it some more)
(Garfield hides himself around the corner, his teeth chattering as he glances toward the kitchen)
Garfield: It’s coming for me!
(Odie still hasn’t let go of the accordion. He tugs and yanks, but can’t seem to get it unstuck. It is at this point that Garfield can’t take any more and finally snaps)
Garfield: No! (He runs into the kitchen with his eyes closed) No! I buried you! (He collides with the outstretched instrument) I know I did! (In his panic, he runs harder, pulling the accordion sideways like a slingshot, and just like a slingshot, it launches the frantic feline backwards into the wall with a loud crash, waking up Jon in the process)
Jon: (while sitting up) What was that?
(Downstairs, a frustrated Odie shakes the accordion back and forth like a chew toy. A shot of Garfield reveals he had gotten flung into the ceiling once again, this time landing on his head. His eyes are crossed, his hands and feet twitch, and the ceiling itself looks like it needs repairs. Finally, after a bit of furious shaking, the accordion comes loose and snaps itself in Odie’s face, stunning him and causing him to fall forward off the refrigerator)
(Jon, hearing the commotion, slides into the doorway between the living room and kitchen and flicks the lights on. He looks around a bit, and the first thing he sees is his loyal pup, who is lying on Jon’s accordion as if it was a pillow. His eyes spin, his tongue sticks out of his mouth, his ears cross, and his toes point forward)
Jon: Odie! It’s you!
Odie: (weakly) Ta-daaaaaaaa! (He is exhausted, but he did what he set out to do: bring home the accordion for Jon)
Jon: And my accordion! (He claps his hands together) And… (At that moment, the Flabby Tabby drops from the ceiling next to him) Garfield? (The camera pans down to show Garfield lying in a crumpled heap. His eyes spin)
Garfield: It was the accordion that did this! (His finger and toes wiggle) It attacked me! (He weakly points in the accordion’s general direction)
Odie: Moan…
Jon: C’mon, Garfield. We’d better get you to the vet. (He gestures with his thumb toward the front, but what about Odie? He just got hit in the face with a stretched-out accordion and fell off the fridge)
(The next morning, a car passes Jon’s house. Inside, Squeak tries to comfort Garfield, who is in his bed, which is now in the entryway next to the stairs)
Squeak: Cheer up. I’ve heard the vet said you’re gonna be okay in a couple of weeks. (Garfield talks to his rodent friend, showing his head–minus his face–and paws wrapped in bandages)
Garfield: (mournfully) That’s not why I'm depressed. I’m depressed because Jon got his accordion back! I am soooooo doomed.
Squeak: Relax, Garf. I also heard Jon say that it won’t play any more. Something about it being full of dirt or something! (Funny, because it played fine enough when Odie was tugging at it the night before, but I suppose between him stretching it and Garfield burying it, that depleted its health bar)
Garfield: Really? (Squeak nods) Hoo! Hoo! That’s the best news I've heard! (Jon enters from offscreen)
Jon: Garfield, (Squeak ducks inside Garfield’s bed. The cat looks up at his owner, looking slightly startled) I have to apologize. (Garfield closes his mouth) I was going to entertain you (He bends down on one knee and puts his hand on his cat) with a little accordion solo, but the accordion seems to have breathed its last. (Garfield smiles)
Garfield: (to the audience) I hope so. (He starts rolling his eyes) I gave it a decent burial.
Jon: And when I went shopping for a new one, they were way too expensive!
Garfield: Sigh. I guess I'll just have to do without.
Jon: (Standing upright) But you’re in luck! (He starts walking toward the living room) They were having a sale! (Garfield winces in a panic)
Garfield: No! Oh! (He lifts himself up using his bandages paws) It can’t be! It can’t! (Much to Garfield’s disdain, it is. Jon had bought some bagpipes and now plays some off-key notes in the entryway in front of Garfield. The noise from the pipes shakes the camera. It and Garfield’s cries for help can be heard as the scene changes to above Jon’s house) Make it stop! No! No! I’d rather have the accordion back! Please! Stop! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP! (With that last desperate plea, the episode comes to an end. Not the happiest of endings, but it is kinda funny)
THE END