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Transcript

(lively instrumental music)

(The episode starts at Garfield's house in the morning as Jon opens the door and throws Garfield outside)

Jon: Garfield, if you want blueberry pancakes for breakfast, that is NOT the way to get them!

Garfield: Using your electric blanket for a griddle is energy efficient.

(Jon tosses Garfield to the ground and closes the door, then Garfield dusts himself off)

Garfield: Wait till he finds where I was cooking the sausage. I'll go find myself some breakfast in town while he looks for the hash browns.

(Garfield walks off where the scene changes to a big building in the middle of the city)

(Five well-groomed cats are seen inside)

Bumble: My word, Lamaar. You've done wonders with them.

Lamaar: Yes, I have, haven't I? And listen to this, my duly impressed friend.

(Lamaar takes out his baton to conduct the five cats who meow in harmony)

Cat 1: (singing) Meow.

Cat 2: (singing) Meow.

Cat 3: (singing) Meow.

Cat 4: (singing) Meow.

All 5 Cats: (singing) Meow!

Bumble: But then again, of course, these cats are all of the finest breed.

Lamaar: (laughing) Nonsense, Bumble. It is my skill as a trainer of felines that gets results.

(scene changes to an alley where Garfield is looking for food. Garfield finds a crate, stands on it, and looks in a trash can.)

Garfield: Maybe I'll get lucky and someone's thrown out two eggs over easy with bacon, hash browns, sourdough toast with grape jelly, and a large orange juice. (takes out some breakfast, but isn't pleased with the contents) Aw, shucks. Scrambled.

(Garfield tosses the contents back into the trash can and looks in a dumpster as the camera looks inside the building)

Bumble: You're saying that you could take any mangy alley cat and train him into a cat of fine breeding? Nonsense.

Lamaar: Nonsense, eh? Well, would you care to wager on that? Say $1,000?

Bumble: (chuckles) You have a bet.

(Bumble and Lamaar shake hands)

Bumble: Now, we'll just have to find an alley cat for you to train.

(Crashing is heard outside. Bumble and Lamaar investigate and see Garfield eating some food.)

Garfield: (burps)

Bumble: There's one.

Lamaar: (exclaims disgustedly) Maybe I've made a mistake.

(Lamaar escorts Garfield inside the building)

Garfield: (to Lamaar) Uh, you mentioned something about food?

Lamaar: Your first lesson is in how to eat like a pussycat of fine breeding.

(Garfield sees the dishes and is excited as Lamaar adjusts his tie)

Lamaar: Please, if you will, take your seat at the...table.

(Garfield sits down before Lamaar finishes his sentence. Garfield is holding a knife in one paw and a fork in the other)

Lamaar: We must learn how to use our table utensils properly.

(Lamaar puts the knife and fork down, then he shows Garfield the dishes he has to use)

Lamaar: Now here, we have your appetizer fork, your chilled salad fork, your shrimp fork, your entree fork, your dessert fork, your serving spoon, your runcible spoon, your soup spoon, your dinner spoon, your sherbet spoon, your butter knife, your salad knife, your steak knife, and your pastry knife.

(Garfield isn't interested in the lecture, but is startled by all the silverware. Lamaar motions Jeeves to serve Garfield a dish of soup)

Lamaar: You understand what you're supposed to do?

Garfield: (snaps his fingers) Got it.

(Garfield, without using any utensils, slurps down the soup in one gulp)

Garfield: (gargles) (burps)

Lamaar: (exclaims disgustedly) Oh, dear.

Garfield: Hey, you think it's easy to gargle with matzo balls? Now, where's the main course? (bangs his paws on the table and chants) We want dinner! We want dinner!

(Jeeves comes in and serves roast)

Lamaar: Jeeves is expecting you to help yourself.

Garfield: (sighs with excitement and takes the plate of roast) Don't mind if I do.

(Garfield neatly arranges the roast and devours in in one gulp)

Lamaar: (exclaims in disgust)

Garfield: (burps) What's everyone else gonna eat?

(Garfield picks up a fork and knife as the scene changes to Lamaar's office where he is pacing nervously)

Lamaar: I'm going to lose my bet if I don't do something. And the news will be here any minute to interview me.

(Garfield enters quite satisfied with the food he had)

Garfield: Hey, that was a good breakfast. How soon will lunch be ready?

Lamaar: Oh, well, now that you've eaten, you must wash.

Garfield: (gasps) Wash?!

Lamaar: A cat has natural instincts to wash itself after eating.

Garfield: Okay.

(the scene changes to Garfield singing in the shower "washing.")

[Garfield]

Momma's little kitty cat

Eats a pizza

Every time a pizza goes a-passing by.

Hey, put on the sausage.

Put on the cheese. Hey!

(Lamaar comes into the bathroom, hears Garfield singing, and opens the shower door)

Garfield: (screams)

Lamaar: Whoops! (quickly closes the shower door) Oh, my dear. (stutters) I'm sorry. I didn't know you were in there. I didn't....(grumbles in frustration)

(the scene changes back to Lamaar's office where he carries a dripping Garfield)

Lamaar: I see I shall have to teach you how a cat washes itself. (drops Garfield to the ground) You use your tongue, silly, and you lick yourself. Like this.

(Lamaar licks himself to demonstrate to Garfield)

Garfield: Isn't that kind of, like, unsanitary? I'm gonna see if there's any more of that roast left.

(Garfield walks off, leaving Lamaar alone to lick himself while the scene changes to the outside where a TV camera crew are reporting their story and walk inside)

Reporter: Here at the Lamaar School for Cats, Professor Lamaar is busily training felines of high breeding. Professor Lamaar is a man of great dignity and refined manners and...(gasps)

(sees Lamaar still licking himself)

Lamar: You lick yourself (licks) like this and...(sees the TV crew and laughs sheepishly) Hi.

(the cameraman tries to get his focus, but Lamaar pushes the crew out)

Reporter: Yeah, b-b-but...we had an appointment for today.

Lamaar: Well, come back later, I'll be ready for you in an hour. (quickly slams the door) If they see that cat I'm training, I'm ruined! I shall have to try drastic measures.

(the scene changes to Lamaar carrying Garfield to his office)

Lamaar: I shall have you associate with others of fine breeding. (shows Garfield his five best cats) These are my five prized pupils. Surely, some of their fine manners will rub off on you. (drops Garfield to the floor) And now, I must greet the press.

(Lamaar leaves the room and closes the door)

Garfield: Hi, guys. You like living here?

Cat 1: (yawning) It's so boring.

Cat 2: (taking out a menu) Yeah, eating all those tasteless fancy cat foods all day.

Cat 1: (brushing himself) Being pampered and kept clean.

Cat 2: We get punished if we even slightly soil the litter box.

Garfield: Boy, that is strict. When was the last time you guys had a good, greasy lasagna?

All 5 Cats: Lasagna?

Cat 1: We've heard about it.

Cat 2: But we've never tasted lasagna.

Garfield: Never tasted lasagna? We have to do something about this.

(Garfield leaves the cats and writes a message on a piece of paper, which he turns into a paper airplane)

Garfield: Luckily, we're only six blocks from Luigi's Lasagna Home Delivery.

(Garfield tests the wind)

Garfield: The wind is north-northeast. Perfecto.

(Garfield tosses the paper airplane into the air and it lands in a pot at Luigi's Lasagna Home Delivery where two chefs are standing by.)

Chef 1: Hey, Mario! Fire up all the ovens and make as much as you can.

Chef 2: Another order from the Arbuckle place?

Chef 1: No. They want it delivered to a cat school near here.

(the scene changes back to the Lamaar School)

Reporter: So, you made this bet with him, Mr. Bumble?

Bumble: Indeed. However, I would not be surprised if Lamaar here has trained that alley cat to behave.

Lamaar: Indeed. And if you will bring your camera this way, I will show you the results of my tutoring. (opens the door) Observe.

(motions the camera crew and Bumble to follow him into the next room where the five prized cats are messily eating lasagna and burping. Lamaar is totally unaware of what's happening)

Lamaar: Notice the grace, the fine breeding shown in their manners and their...whoa! (sees his five cats eating lasagna) Let me show you how refined they are! Listen, as they meow in perfect harmony. And-a-one, and-a-two, and-a...

All 5 cats: (burping in unison)

Lamaar: (groans in embarrassment)

(Garfield is just outside the office door)

Garfield: Come on, guys. There's a bad horror movie on TV.

(the five cats rush out of the room followed by Garfield)

Bumble: Well, it would appear you lost our little bet, Lamaar.

(Bumble leaves the room)

Reporter: (laughs) Wait till I put this on TV. The viewers are gonna laugh themselves sick.

(the reporter and cameraman walk out, too)

Lamaar: I'm ruined! I'm out of business!

(he tosses the baton to the ground and sees a pan with a little lasagna left in it.)

Lamaar: (sighs) Well, I might as well get rid of this stupid girdle and have something to eat.

(Lamaar takes off his suit, unties his bow tie, and takes off his girdle, and it is revealed that he's fat. He then starts to eat the lasagna.)

Lamaar: Mmmm. Hey, this stuff is...(burps) ...good.

(Lamaar happily continues to eat the lasagna as Garfield gets ready to leave)

Garfield: See you later. Try not to eat the tin plate, too. (Walks outside and leaves for home.) Nice guy. But he could use a few lessons in manners.

(episode ends)

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