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"Halt! Officer Odie orders you to stop and help!"
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(The episode begins around Jon’s house. Herman Post the mailman peeks around the corner of the fence next to Jon’s house)
Herman Post: Gasp! (He quickly and quietly sneaks up the sidewalk while carrying a large package. He sets it down to ring the doorbell, his hand trembling as he does, when Garfield sends a skateboard through the pet door, causing Herman to step on and slip on it) Whoa!
Garfield: Laughs (Herman flies through the air and lands on the skateboard, which is now rolling up the sidewalk)
Herman Post: YAAAAHHHHH! (He flails his arms and legs as he rolls away)
Garfield: Laughs (He opens the door and looks at the lost letters floating through the air) Gasp! (He grabs an ad for Vito’s out of the air and reads it, his tail wagging) “Don’t miss the new Sunday buffet at Vito’s! (A butterfly floats by) Best pizza in the whole universe.” Oh! Sounds good! (He tosses the brochure on top of the box that Herman left. He then grabs the box and bolts inside) Laughs (He speeds by Odie, who is trotting nonchalantly through the living room)
Odie: Yow! (Garfield’s haste causes the pup to spin in place, dizzying him in the process) Oh… (He shakes his discombobulated head) Huh?
Garfield: Snickers (He stands on the table and looks at his box. The curious canine runs up and stands between the TV and chair)
Odie: What’s in there? (Garfield turns to him, and then back at the box)
Garfield: Must be the new waffle machine I ordered last week on the shopping channel! (He bares one claw and cuts open the tape)
Odie: (now understanding) Ohhhhhh.
Garfield: Yeah, but what the heck? (To his surprise, it is not a waffle maker. He pulls out a weird purple helmet with two green cylindrical lights on it)
Odie: Huh?
Garfield: Where’s my waffle machine?! (He sets the helmet aside and shakes the box out. A blue instruction booklet falls out, which Garfield notices) Doh! Sigh. They must’ve mixed up orders. (He angrily throws the empty box away, which lands with a crash. Odie looks at the helmet and gives it a whiff)
Odie: Sniff! Sniff! Sniff! Sniff! Sniff! Sniff!
Garfield: Now I'm officially miffed! (He grabs the booklet that fell from the box, opens it. and reads it) “Telepathic helmet: world’s first telepathic gadget that allows you to read other people’s minds… (He inhales) batteries included, made in China…” (He closes the book in disgust) Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Bogus! (He crushes the booklet in his paws) Fake! Phony! Unsightly! (He spikes it into the table, and it opens up)
Odie: Whimper (He wags his tail. Garfield gives the instructions a second look)
Garfield: Hey, what the? (He looks at the helmet again, holding his finger to his lips thinking it over) Well, I might as well give it a try. (He puts it on)
Odie: Right! (Garfield grabs the instructions and reads some more)
Garfield: Hm, let’s see. “Flip the power switch to ON, (He switches a knob on the front of the helmet) then find someone and use the green knob to tune in to their most inner thoughts.” (He looks at Odie sinisterly)
Odie: Huh?
Garfield: Laughs (He leans forward attempting to use it on his puppy pal. He holds his paws in front of him, trying to read the beagle’s thoughts) Strains (The machine winds down. It is ineffective on not-so-smart canines) Maybe I need to crank up the volume a bit. (He twists another knob on the side of the helmet and tries again) Strains
Odie: Hmm. Pants (He sets his front paws on the table and licks Garfield’s face) Slurp!
Garfield: Ugh! (He wipes the slobber off of his face) Spit! Knew it! This stuff doesn’t work, (He twists another knob on the other side. The helmet’s green lights turn on) just like the silly “X-ray glasses” (He makes air quotes with his fingers) they sell in comic b… (He is interrupted by Jon, who is bleary-eyed and walking into the kitchen, except he isn’t hearing Jon speak, he’s hearing him think)
Jon: (inwardly) Need…cup…of…coffee…now… (He enters the kitchen. The pets watch, Odie in confusion, and Garfield in amazement)
Odie: Hmm? (His tail continues to wag)
Garfield: Whoa! Who would’ve thought that? (He and Odie look at each other, the puppy dog grinning at his friend) This stupid helmet (He adjusts the machine on his head) actually works!
Odie: Mutters Pants
Garfield: Oh, I should've known better than to use Odie to set the volume. (He leaps off the table onto the floor) That dog is totally brainless. (He walks into the kitchen, where Jon is pulling out a plate of lasagna from the oven. He turns around and sees the cat standing in the doorway)
Jon: Gasp! Hiya! (He talks unnaturally, like he’s trying and failing to hide something) Here’s your favorite freshly baked morning lasagna! Nervous chuckle Uh…uh… (Garfield, who is glaring menacingly at his owner, uses his mind-reading helmet on Jon. He steps forward and leans in, putting a paw on the helmet to hear better. He hears Jon think…) I hope he won’t notice I cooked him some… (The train of thought ends with Garfield interrupting)
Garfield: Frozen lasagna?! Huh? (He sees the empty lasagna box on top of the trash can. He steps over and grabs it, as it was not hidden in the slightest) Did you really think (He spikes the box back into the can) you could get away with this? Puh-leaze! (He storms toward Jon, who is holding his hands up in self-defense)
Jon: Uh, I can explain! The grocer was out of cheese! (Garfield fires up his helmet again, and he hears Jon think…) That cat is way too smart! Lucky he doesn’t know about the carrot cake (Garfield scowls at him) I hid behind the milk carton (Hearing this, the fat cat runs to the fridge) in the…
Garfield: (angrily) Meow! (He opens it and knocks the milk carton down to the floor, revealing the aforementioned cake) Grunt!
Jon: Grunt! Gasp! (He bends down in amazement. Garfield tosses the cake into his mouth)
Garfield: Chewing noises (After polishing that off, he walks over to Jon and sticks the cake plate into his mouth)
Jon: Grunt! (Evidently Garfield didn’t care if it was boxed lasagna, as he took it out of Jon’s mitted hand and ate it anyway)
Garfield: Chewing noises Mm. (He leaves. Jon stands frozen in place, blinking twice)
(Out in the big city, Garfield decides to use his new power. A car passes by on the street as he comes to a crosswalk. There, he spots a grandmother and her grandson. The boy struggles to free himself from the grandmother’s grip. Seeing the opportunity, Garfield smiles and activates the device)
Boy: (thinking) Stop treating me like a baby! I can cross the street by myself! I’m five years old! (The grandmother pulls him along)
Garfield: Laughs (He spots two runners, a muscular man and woman, passing each other on the sidewalk. Garfield turns on the helmet and listens in to their thoughts)
Woman: He never looks at me.
Man: I’m…SO…in love with her.
Garfield: Laughs (The helmet turns on by itself, revealing the thoughts of someone he knows quite well)
Nermal: I’m the cutest cat in the whole wide world! (Garfield glances around him with narrow eyes. He slowly turns around and further down the sidewalk is Nermal) Scats (The kitten walks toward Garfield, the former holding a triple scoop of each of the Neapolitan flavors of ice cream: chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry)
Garfield: I know that thought from anywhere. (As Nermal looks longingly at his frozen dessert, Garfield stands in his way and greets him) Hi, Nermal!
Nermal: Gasp! (He stops in his tracks)
Garfield: That ice cream sure looks yummy. Do you mind if I have a tiny lick? (He makes the OK symbol with his fingers and momentarily sticks his tongue out)
Nermal: Actually I would! (He holds the cone away from Garfield and strokes his fur) I’ve been selected as one of the finalists for the Cutest Cat Pageant, and I don't wanna catch anyone’s germs (He wiggles his fingers) before the final judging. Especially yours! (He points at Garfield, who turns both knobs on the sides of his helmet and reads Nermal’s mind. The helmet shakes, but nothing else happens) If Garfield doesn’t notice I’m wearing eyeliner, (Garfield smiles and glances at the camera for a second) maybe the judges won’t know, either! (After hearing this, Garfield schemes)
Garfield: Hey Nermal, (He puts his hands on his hips in a cocky fashion) those contests usually have a rule against makeup. It would be a real shame if the judges find out you were wearing eyeliner?
Nermal: Gasp! H-how did you know about the eyeliner? (He grabs under his eye) I didn’t tell anyone! (With Nermal caught off-guard, Garfield smacks the bottom of his cone, causing the trio of flavors to fly into Garfield’s mouth. He quickly swallows them and races away, leaving the kitten holding the cone) Moan…
(Later, Garfield hums to himself as he walks down the street)
Garfield: Scats (His helmet catches the thoughts of a voice he doesn’t recognize. He stops in his tracks and the helmet shakes) Huh?
Green Alien: I really doubt we’ll find him on Earth. (Garfield looks around for the source of these thoughts. He sees a bit further up the street is a green alien disguised as an elderly woman, complete with a walking stick, wig, and outfit) This planet is way too primitive. We must report to emperor Kaal’zone at once! (Garfield hides behind the base of a light pole and listens in) Meet me in the alley, and make sure no one follows you! (The alien telepathically communicates with another alien across the street. This one is blue and dressed like an elderly man, with a walking stick, mustache, and outfit that vaguely resembles what Popeye the sailor man wears)
Blue Alien: Affirmative. (The transmission fades and he leaves for their rendezvous. Garfield is instantly suspicious of the two)
Garfield: Hmm… I have no idea what they’re up to, (He points at them) but I’d better keep an eye on ‘em.
(Soon after, Garfield tracks the aliens to the alley they previously discussed as their meeting point)
Garfield: Pants (He hides behind a building on one side of the alley, and slips in, sneaking on the tips of his toes. He hides behind some boxes and leaps for closer cover behind a dumpster) Grunt! Ooh! (He pulls himself up on the dumpster and begins spying with a trash can lid on his head. He sees the Blue Alien roll his sleeve and press a button on his wrist device) Wha-? (The aliens reveal themselves as aliens. Garfield covers his mouth in shock. Their wrist devices create an image of their leader, Emperor Kaal’zone, in front of them. Garfield turns around, taking the lid off his head, and addresses the audience) Holy manicotti! They’re aliens posing as humans!
Emperor Kaal’zone: This had better be good. (His subjects bow before him) I was only halfway through the Sandy Comets.
Green Alien: Our lifelong quest across the galaxies hasn’t been in vain, my master.
Blue Alien: (while pointing at Kaal’zone) We have found it on a small planet they call Earth. Vito’s restaurant, (He pulls out a brochure to show his leader) best pizza in the whole universe!
Emperor Kaal’zone: Go now (He waves his arm in front of him) and investigate further, and if indeed this pizza is the best in the universe, we shall invade Earth (He clenches his fist) and force Earthlings to cook zillions of pizzas for our own planet! (The aliens bow low before their leader)
Green Alien: Yes, Your Bicephalous Highness! (Behind them, Garfield cautiously shuffles out from behind the dumpster)
Garfield: Wow! The fate of our planet, and our pizza is on my shoulders! (He tiptoes out of the alley) I better go warn Vito! Who knows, (He turns to the audience) maybe I can get a free lunch out of it. (He dashes away)
(Garfield is able to beat the aliens to Vito’s and runs up the street)
Garfield: Grunt! Pants (Vito opens the door to put a new sign up, and to have the fat cat clang into it, knocking him backwards and onto his rear, dazing him)
Vito: Where do you think you are going, Garfield?
Garfield: Pant (He leaps up onto his feet) Vito! Pants You have to let me in! Some nasty aliens are on their way, (He points vaguely into the distance) and they’re after your pizza!
Vito: What’s the matter? (Garfield steps back in surprise) You cannot read the new sign on the door? (He gestures to the new sign–which is not on the door–that he just set up. Garfield runs over and reads it)
Garfield: Gasp. OK, “All you can eat for $6.99. (He steps closer) Does not apply to orange cats whose names begin with G.” (He glares at Vito, setting his hands on his hips angrily) Hardy-har-har. Very funny.
Vito: And now, if you excuse me, I gotta some customers. (He turns and the disguised aliens are before him) Good evening! (He bows) Please, come in! (He gestures inside)
Green Alien: Oh, we are looking for the best pizza (He makes the OK sign with his hand while holding it up to his mouth) in the universe.
Vito: And you’ve come to the right place! (Garfield cowers behind the sign, trembling in fear) Come this way! (The aliens and Vito head inside. Garfield peers in through a window as Vito serves his new clientele) So, (He sets a menu on the table they are at) what kind of pizza do you like?
Green Alien: Oh, laughs all of them. (He points at the back of the menu)
Vito: Oh, you must be really hungry, no?
Green Alien: Oh, you have NO idea.
Blue Alien: Evil laugh (Vito starts juggling three cans of tomato sauce)
Garfield: Gasp! (He continues observing from the window. Vito shows the aliens a large mixing bowl and a smaller bowl and then juggles them)
Vito: You like?
Blue Alien: (uncertainly) Uh…yes. Nervous laugh (The green alien looks at the menu and sees something)
Green Alien: No, (He waves a gloved hand) everything except this! (He points at something on the menu. His companion nods in agreement)
Vito: Oh, you don't like the anchovy?
Green Alien: These things are highly toxic (The aliens glance at each other) to our kind.
Vito: I make the pizza without anchovies! (Pizza dough randomly falls in front of him as he sprinkles it with salt and pepperoni)
(Garfield, who was still listening from outside, hears this important bit of news)
Garfield: Gasp! (He stands on tiptoe on a crate to see in the window better) They don’t like anchovies? (Vito pulls a pizza out of the oven and serves it. The aliens each grab a slice and quickly devour them)
Aliens: Slurping noises (They are both pleased. Vito goes to make more)
Garfield: (longingly) Ah-haaaa. (His tongue hangs out of his mouth. Vito tosses two more pizzas for the aliens, and they use their tongues to grab and eat them. Garfield continues observing, tapping his toes on the crate as he does)
(Time passes. It is now nighttime and a few people and a car pass by. Garfield is getting tired from standing on a crate all day)
Garfield: Yawn! (Inside, Vito tries to get his guests to leave)
Vito: No, no, and NO! (He waves his arm in front of him, emphasizing the last “No”)
Green Alien: Oh, but we haven’t tried the Hawaiian (The Blue Alien nods) and Vito’s special!
Vito: Look, lady, (He points at the Green Alien) I tell you for the thousandth time, it’s already 20 minutes (He points at his right wrist, even though his watch is on his other wrist) past closing time! You go now! (He puts his hand up)
Blue Alien: This human is annoying me. Can I eat him now? (The other alien calms him down and shakes his head no)
Green Alien: Don’t. His pizza really IS the best in the universe. (He twists his wrist device) Let’s report to Emperor Kaal’zone at once! (He shines a light from his wrist communicator from inside. Outside, a giant spotlight shines on the restaurant and the surrounding ground, Garfield included. By now, he has gotten off the box and is standing next to the restaurant)
Garfield: I hate sci-fi! (The entire restaurant is carried into the air. Garfield clings to a window box for dear life as he joins them for the ride) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (They are taken into an alien head-shaped spaceship. With Vito’s swallowed up, the ship zooms away)
(Vito stands up, a bit dazed, but gathers himself and sees the culprits, now no longer wearing their human disguises)
Vito: Aliens or no, (He points at them) I don't make any more pizza! (He pounds the countertop. At that moment, the door opens. Coming out of a bright white light and into the restaurant is Emperor Kaal’zone himself)
Emperor Kaal’zone: Where…is…my…PIZZA?! (The aliens bow in reverence to their short leader)
Green Alien: Let me handle this, My Bicephalous Highness! (He turns around and informs Vito of their “plans”) Greetings, Earthing. (He bows) The superior and unique taste of your pizza is LEGENDARY across the universe! (He gestures toward his ruler) Emperor Kaal’zone himself (Vito looks at him) has traveled across the whole galaxy just to give it a try.
Vito: Really? (At this moment, Garfield opens the door and slips in, hiding under a table)
Green Alien: If he likes your pizza, he’ll want to export it across the Milky Way. (Garfield grabs the table and carries it with him, sneaking closer to the conversation) We’re talking major interstellar distribution here.
Vito: Of COURSE! You give me 15 minutes, and I'll bake the best pizza (He gives a thumbs-up) in the whole universe! (Kaal’zone and the aliens leave. Garfield reveals himself and jumps onto the counter)
Garfield: Grunt!
Vito: What are you doing here?!
Garfield: Vito, you can’t cook for them! (He points out the door) They want to take over the Earth!
Vito: Why are you trying to wreck Vito’s masterpiece? This is gonna be the best! Think of the free publicity if Emperor Kaal’zone, HE likes my pizza! (He clenches his fists in pride)
Garfield: If only he could understand the aliens like I do. (He looks at his helmet, which gives him an idea) Of course! (He taps the helmet) Why didn’t I think of this earlier? (He takes off the helmet and slams it on Vito’s head)
Vito: Hey, what do you think you are doing?! (With the helmet on, Vito can hear the thought conversation between the aliens outside his window)
Green Alien: Those Earthlings are SOOOOOOOOOOOOO gullible!
Blue Alien: When are we taking over their unsightly planet?
Green Alien: As soon as Emperor Kaal’zone has tasted their pizza.
Vito: Now I see! We gotta do something! (Garfield sets a small bowl of anchovies in front of him)
Garfield: I second that. (He points at the bowl with two fingers)
Vito: Anchovy? Of course. (He wraps his fingers around the bowl) We’re gonna cook them a pizza they’ll never forget!
Garfield: Chuckles (He rubs his paws together)
(What follows is a brief montage of Garfield and Vito making the pizza. Vito tosses it, and Garfield uses his claws to slice toppings. He also stirs the sauce while Vito spreads some on top of the dough. Garfield shreds some cheese, Vito adds the toppings, and Garfield helps himself to a little bite)
Garfield: Laugh (Vito adds olives, Garfield adds a sprinkle of salt, and the two of them layer more toppings until Garfield sets it in the oven) Ah. Laugh (They high five each other)
(It is not long before the aliens return. They stand on either side of the door and bow low as Kaal’zone enters. He takes a seat at one of the tables. Vito zips around the counter and sets the pizza on the table)
Vito: Eccola!
Emperor Kaal’zone: Oooh! Yummy! (Garfield steps out from behind the counter strumming a guitar) Who is this?
Vito: Oh he. He is, uh, he is my helper. (Kaal’zone takes a slice and puts it in his mouth. He instantly gags in disgust because of the anchovies)
Emperor Kaal’zone: Spits and coughs (The aliens behind him start to look nervous) Treason! (The emperor turns around to face his subjects, who cower in fear) You tried to poison your emperor!
Blue Alien: But-but you bicephale highness! Uh, We’ve I… (Kaal’zone doesn’t want to hear it)
Emperor Kaal’zone: I am sending both of you (He points at them) to work in my uranium mines on the dark side of Valdabarum! (The aliens leave. Kaal’zone turns to speak to Vito) I’m canceling the Earth invasion. We’ll come back in a few thousand years (He takes the pizza slice out of his mouth) to see if the Earthlings have improved on their cooking. (He drops the slice on the floor and storms out) This is the worst pizza in the whole universe! (Which is surprising since as far as I know, it didn’t have pineapple. He slams the door behind him, and Vito and Garfield give each other a thumbs-up)
Garfield: Laughs (Vito’s restaurant is returned to its rightful place, and the alien spaceship takes off into the night. The Italian chef and Tubby Tabby watch, but Garfield remembers the sign Vito put out) Oh? (He rips the “No Garfields allowed” sign off and shows it to Vito, tapping his foot impatiently) Heh.
Vito: OK. (Vito takes it and throws it behind him) I guess I owe you that much.
Garfield: Laughs (He runs in, more excited than a kid in a candy store) AH-HA-HA!
(The next morning, Vito is serving Garfield some thank you pizzas. The cat stands on a chair looking ready to pounce. Vito hands him another pizza next to the stack of eight on the table)
Vito: I hope you’re still hungry, cat.
Garfield: Bring it on! (He wiggles his fingers hungrily) Snickers (He turns to the audience, grins, and winks. As he reaches for a slice, the episode ends)
THE END