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"Halt! Officer Odie orders you to stop and help!"
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(The episode begins with a police escort in the middle of the city. A few cars and motorcycles escort the mayor through town, going so fast that several bystanders spin in place and fall over. They eventually reach their destination)
Mayor Grafton: (pointing) There it is, up ahead. Pull over. (They quickly come to a stop in front of Vito’s Pizzeria. The mayor gets out, and as he does, the anchorwoman and a small news crew walk up to him) Thanks, I was almost late for my lunch.
Anchorwoman: Mayor Grafton, I have a few questions for you. Is it true that you have stolen MILLIONS from the city?
Mayor Grafton: Yeah, well, I was never a good man… (He leaves, but Anchorwoman wants the scoop. Like any news reporter, she speaks into the microphone and then holds it out toward the mayor to get the answers)
Anchorwoman: And that you sold city hall to a foreign country?
Mayor Grafton: Eh, well actually it was more like a rental.
Anchorwoman: AND that you take bribes, you cheat, you lie every chance you get?
Mayor Grafton: Well, if you’re gonna quibble (He rolls his eyes) over every little thing…
Anchorwoman: Well can you name one decent, helpful thing you have done as mayor?
Mayor Grafton: Chuckle There are so many it’s hard to pick just one. (He holds up one finger and then retreats inside the pizzeria)
(In Vito’s alley, the chef is loading up a wagon with pizzas for Garfield. Odie is hitches to the wagon ready to pull it along)
Vito: Here you go, my little pussygato, a dozen pizzas, (Garfield grins) none with the anchovies.
Garfield: Ah, perfect! (He gives Vito a thumbs-up) Alright, Odie,
Odie: Pants
Garfield: (continuing) mush! Or mozzarella or something. (He gestures vaguely with his thumb)
Odie: Right! (He pulls the wagon with all his might. Despite it not budging for a moment, it soon starts effortlessly rolling. Garfield grabs the stack as it goes and waves good-bye as he and the pup head home with the bounty)
Garfield: We’ll be back later for dinner!
Vito: Chuckles Oh yes!
Garfield: Hoo! I may need to rent a truck.
Odie: Mutters
Garfield: What do you mean you can’t (He hops onto the pizza boxes and sits down) pull a truck? (He rocks his feet up and down)
(Back at Vito’s, the chef strolls inside)
Vito: Oh, how I love being so nice to a cute little pussygato. (He sees the mayor across the room, next to a table that where Mr. and Mrs. Wilson–Liz’s parents–are seated) Hey, Mayor Grafton, (He waves) Your Honor, you should pass a law (He points at Grafton) against people not being nice to kitty cats! (He raises his finger)
Mayor Grafton: Huh? Oh yes, (He nods) yes, yes, yes. (He smiles and returns to meet the press. He is quickly surrounded by a camera, microphone, and sound capturer thing) That’s my new law! A law against, uh, (He says it with Vito’s Italian flare) people not being nice (He raises his finger) to pussycats. Chuckles
Anchorwoman: Kitty cats? Oh Mayor, you’re wonderful! (She leaps on him and kisses him on the cheek) Kiss! (The police officers around him applaud)
Mayor Grafton: (under his breath) There could even be some money (He lifts his finger up) in this. Chuckle
(Some time later, at the Arbuckle house…)
Jon: Here’s your sandwich, Garfield. (Inside, Jon is standing in the doorway connecting the kitchen and the living room) Remember our deal: (He goes to serve Garfield the sandwich on the plate) I make you sandwiches, YOU take the trash out. (The Flabby Tabby is on his chair watching some TV and wiggling his toes when Jon sets the plate down on the arm of the chair)
Garfield: Heh. (He wiggles his toes again) Ah! (He takes the top piece of bread off and examines its contents. He does not like what he sees) Eugh! Another mystery sandwich (He puts the bread slice back on) by Arbuckle, (He raises his finger) the only man in the world who puts mayonnaise on salad dressing. (He then hears a commotion on the TV and he begins watching with wide eyes. Jon does as well. Garfield’s toes wiggle again and Mayor Grafton prepares to give a speech on the steps of City Hall in front of a live audience)
Mayor Grafton: Chuckle I call all you reporters here today to announce a new law I've signed.
Crowd: Overlapping chatter (Live at city hall…)
Mayor Grafton: Laughs It’s a law that requires people to be extra nice to kitty cats. (The crowd has a handful of familiar faces, including the Anchorman, Anchorwoman, Ultra Powerful Guy–in plain clothes–and Jim Davis himself)
Crowd: Kitty cats? Awwwwwww! (Returning to the Arbuckle house…)
Mayor Grafton: Anyone who isn’t nice (Garfield wiggles his toes and takes a bite out of his sandwich) to a cat will get a ticket and have to pay a fine. (This gets Jon’s attention, and he is a bit shocked by it, but Garfield doesn’t mind it)
Garfield: Ooh! Chewing noises I like this law. (He wiggles his toes again. Returning to City Hall…)
Mayor Grafton: Yes. and to collect these fines, I've called upon the city’s (Professor Bonkers walks up the stairs toward the podium) official mad scientist, Professor Bonkers. (He steps to the side, allowing the professor to speak)
Professor Bonkers: Yes. (He sets his hand on the podium) I have developed a new invention to handle the giving out of tickets: (He presses a button on a blue remote control. A robot rolls up on the side of them) the bionic ticket dispenser. (The robot has treads for wheels, a cube-shaped body, long arms, and a flashing siren light where the head should be. On its body is a paper dispenser for printing tickets and the whole machine is a shade of blue) They are robots programmed to detect when people are not nice to cats. (An army of the robots rolls out of City Hall) They will identify such people, (He raises his finger) and fine them accordingly. (Mayor Grafton shoves him out of the way and slams his hand onto the podium)
Mayor Grafton: I’ll make ‘em full. I mean, uh, the city (He raises his finger) will collect fines from law breakers, (The crowd says nothing, but instead blinks) and best of all, everyone will be nice to kitty cats.
Crowd: Kitty cats? Awwwwww! (This speech results in much applause from the crowd. Back at the house, Jon is not impressed)
Jon: That’s nice, Garfield, but you STILL have to take the trash out. (The Tubby Tabby hands Jon his empty plate)
Garfield: (looking at the viewers) I don’t do that kind of work any more. (He hops off the chair and walks outside through the front door. Jon doesn’t take this kindly and shouts at him from the porch)
Jon: Garfield! (He points at the ground) You come right back here and take the trash out or else! Scowl! (One of the robots rolls up to him, siren blaring and light flashing)
Robot: (raising its finger) Ordering cat to do manual labor: $25 fine. (It prints out a ticket and hands it to Jon. Serves him right for telling a cat to do chores. He takes the ticket and the robot leaves, though he is not happy about it)
Jon: GAR-FIEEEEELD!! (He scowls at the viewers)
(Just down the street, Garfield spots a menu for Chinese food in a neighbor’s trash cat. He takes it and examines it)
Garfield: Sigh. (He sees a jogger on the other side of the street heading in his direction) Oh! (He turns to the viewers) This is gonna be GREAT! (He winks and bolts across the street)
Jogger: Humming (The jogger is stopped by Garfield, who is lying on the sidewalk in front of him, raising his paw for help and trembling weakly. He still has the Chinese menu next to him)
Garfield: Whine! I’m hungry! Grunt! Very hungry!
Jon: Gee, cat, are ya hungry?
Garfield: Oh moan! Agony! My whole life is flashing before me, and it’s a rerun from last season. Bye bye! (He “dies” on the ground, dropping his paw and hanging his tongue out of his mouth) Moan…
Jogger: Oh you poor animal. (He puts his hands together as if praying) I’m going to get you something to eat! (He rubs his chin, thinking) Maybe some dry cat food or (He raises his finger) canned artificial meat. (The fat cat is quick to interject, offering the fitness freak the menu)
Garfield: How about some pork-fried dumplings and maybe some, uh, beef chop-suey? (The jogger takes the menu)
Jogger: Chinese food? (Garfield raises his paw again, trembling) Nothing on Earth could make me buy you Chinese food! (Right at that moment, a robot rolls up behind the man. The cat grins, his plan working perfectly)
Robot: Refusing to feed starving cat: $50 fine. (It hands the man the ticket, and he takes it) I will be back in 10 minutes. (The robot leaves)
Garfield: Laughs (He grins at the audience and raises his eyebrows twice. He then plays his “malnourished kitten” card) Moan… (The jogger rements and calls a Chinese restaurant on his cell phone)
Jogger: Hello? Pagoda palace? I’d like to have an order delivered. (Garfield climbs onto the man’s shoulder)
Garfield: Crispy noodles. (He points at the menu) I want crispy noodles!
(Later, Garfield is in the city, enjoying that Chinese food he got from the man)
Garfield: Laughs Mmmmm! I should’ve gotten the moo goo gai pan with extra goo! (He spots something in a woman’s hand) Gasp! Doh! (The woman has a double-scoop of ice cream, one scoop magenta and the other, red) Wha? Dessert! (He points at it with his chopsticks and zips after the cone, dropping the Chinese take-out and the chopsticks. He runs up to the woman, who is licking the ice cream)
Woman: Slurp! Slurp!
Garfield: Pants (The woman stops when he hears someone crying) Whines
Woman: Huh? (Behind her is Garfield, who is dressed in a baby outfit: bonnet, diaper, and booties. He points at the cone, and a robot promptly arrives) Wha?
Robot: Taking ice cream from kitten: $50 fine. (It prints another ticket and hands it to her)
Woman: But I didn't! I mean I wouldn't! (The robot sticks it in the woman’s ice cream. Garfield, no longer in baby clothes, zips up to her, his paw extended. She gives him the cone and he takes off with it, only for the robot to come back immediately after) Gasp!
Robot: And I am fining you another $50 for that ugly dress. (It hands her another ticket and rolls away. The woman looks at the viewers, confused)
(Later, Garfield decides to use the new law to his favor as he approaches a restaurant called Albert’s)
Garfield: Ohhhh, (He turns around to address the audience) my favorite all-you-can-eat restaurant! (He races inside. Crashes can be heard from within)
Albert: No, no, no! That cat is not coming in here again! (The owner, Albert, ushers Garfield out of his restaurant) I had to declare bankruptcy the last three times! (He is about to kick Garfield like a football but is stopped by a robot)
Robot: Kicking cat out of (Albert flinches in fear) all-you-can-eat (Garfield grins and makes the peace symbol with his paw) restaurant: $100 fine. (The robot gives Albert the ticket)
Albert: Moan…
(After that, the Flabby Tabby bolts into a movie theater that is showing Muncie Jim on the big screen)
Garfield: Ahem. (He extends his paw, waiting for popcorn from Eddie Gourmand. He denies and shoos him away, but is apprehended by the robots)
People: Overlapping chatter (They quickly offer Garfield their buckets of popcorn)
Garfield: Snickers (He leaves the theater, walking on his twinkle toes, balancing five buckets of popcorn in his paws)
(He then appears behind a couple of police officers, one of whom is about to eat a donut)
Garfield: Ahem. (Surprised, both officers raise their hands)
Police Officer: Ooh! (He drops the donut. Garfield catches it and takes off)
(Soon after, he taunts Doberman)
Doberman: Grrrr! (Garfield makes a childish insulting face at Doberman. The vicious dog leaps, but is snagged by a robot in midair)
Garfield: Laughs (The robot fines Doberman as Garfield walks away)
Doberman: Whimpers (The Tubby Tabby is then caught by Al, only for a robot to fine him. Garfield gives the machine a thumbs-up and Al releases him)
Al: Grunts
(Later on, Garfield is walking up the sidewalk)
Garfield: Ohhh, this is GREAT! Nobody dares not do (He raises his finger) as I wish! (A man almost walks into him. Seeing Garfield, he becomes terrified)
Man: Get away from me, cat! I don’t wanna get a ticket! (He flees. Garfield blinks at the viewers, but then goes to grab a hot dog from a cart)
Garfield: Chuckle (He grins and points his thumb at the cart. He then holds up one finger, asking for a hot dog, when the vendor notices him)
Hot Dog Vendor: AHHH! Stay away from me, cat! (He takes his cart and flees the scene. Garfield is dumbfounded)
Garfield: Oh? (He blinks. Everyone around him screams and scatters from the grinning feline, one of whom climbs a light pole and another drives away on a motorcycle) Gee, (He puts his paw under his chin) everyone’s afraid they’ll get a ticket if they’re around me. (He shrugs) Can’t say I blame ‘em. (He leaves)
(As Garfield returns home, Nermal approaches him on his twinkle toes)
Nermal: Hey Garfield! (He twirls in the air. The fat cat is unpleasantly surprised) Isn’t it cool?
Garfield: Sigh…
Nermal: (continuing) Nobody’s mean to us! I mean, people aren’t usually mean to me because I'm so adorable.
Garfield: (to the viewers) Just what I DON'T need today: Nermal. (He gestures to the self-centered kitten)
Nermal: But they’re probably mean to you, ‘cause you’re not! (He points at Garfield, who growls like a tiger)
Garfield: GRRRRRR!
Nermal: Garfield, no! (He is taken inside by Garfield) Don’t! No, no, not again! (They enter through the pet door, and Garfield returns carrying a box with Nermal in it over his head)
Garfield: Pants (He sets the box on the curb)
Nermal: (inside the box) Let me guess: Abu Dhabi?
Garfield: (pointing up) Correctamundo! And for guessing correctly, you have won (He raises his finger) an all expense paid vacation to… Abu Dhabi! (He raises his paws in celebration. He notices Herman Post’s mail truck approaching. He hops, trying to flag him down) Woo hoo! Whoa! Help! (He appears in the truck, holding the package in his paws)
Herman Post: Whoa!
Garfield: Send this the slowest, bumpiest way you got. (Right at that moment, a robot appears behind him)
Robot: (raising its finger) Mailing kitten to Abu Dhabi: $500 fine. (Garfield takes the ticket and examines it)
Garfield: $500?! (The kitten bursts out of the box, gasping for a fresh breath of oxygen since the box had no air holes in it)
Nermal: Gasp!
Robot: (raising its finger) Make it $600 (He raises its hands to its head in a loving fashion) because he’s so cute!
Nermal: See? Robots know!
Garfield: Hmm… (He hops off the van and runs down the street. Everyone around him, including Mama Meany for some reason, panics and flees) Pants No! Nobody will ever come near me! Not even pizza delivery boys! And I have to be nice to Nermal! (After that escapade in Season 1 with that same title, Garfield doesn't want a repeat of that. Anyway, Webster from Season 2 dives into a trash can) I have to get that law changed.
(Fast forward to the steps of City Hall. A policeman, Myron, stands guard outside)
Garfield: Pants City Hall! (He points at it) This is where the mayor has his office! (He runs up the stairs) Pants Grunts (He is stopped by Myron)
Myron: Sorry, no one allowed inside without a pass. (Garfield then uses the law to his advantage while he still can)
Garfield: (shouting) Help! (Myron winces in fear) Meow! (He points at the guard) He’s being mean to a cat! The security guard is being mean to a cat! Meow!
Myron: Stutters Go on in. (He gestures inside)
Garfield: Thank you. (He salutes Myron and runs inside. A woman resembling Mrs. Schmidlap from Season 2 sees him)
Mrs. Schmidlap: Huh? AHH! (She also runs away, frightened. A man notices him also)
Man 2: Ooh! AH! (He hides behind a column, and another woman escapes as well)
Woman 2: Yelp!
Garfield: Oh! Hoo! (He pauses in the middle of an elegant room. Two sets of stairs lead up to the second floor, a water fountain one might see in an office sits next to one of the flights, and a framed portrait of Grafton in a powdered wig hangs on the wall) Oh my! Oh… (He skips up the stairs) Pants Grunt! Pants
(Inside the mayor’s office, Grafton talks on the phone)
Mayor Grafton: (raising his finger) The best idea I ever had, Sam. (Garfield sneakily skips behind a chair) The robots are collecting a TON, and I wouldn't be surprised if most of it ended up in MY pocket, (Garfield peers over the back of the chair) if you know what I mean.
Garfield: Gasp!
Mayor Grafton: (continuing) I have a whole plan I drew up here (He holds a thick folder in his free hand and reclines in his throne-like chair) about how I'm going to steal it all! Chuckles (The Flabby Tabby suddenly makes his presence known)
Garfield: Hey! (The startled mayor falls backwards in his chair, dropping the folder, which lands in Garfield’s waiting paws)
Mayor Grafton: Oof!
Garfield: I bet people would really like to read this.
Mayor Grafton: Hey, you give me that back! (He clenches his fist) I-I’ll c-call you later, Sam. (Garfield takes off and a chase ensues)
Garfield: Oh! Hoo! Oh! (He runs through the hallway and hops onto the bannister of one of the flights of stairs) Oh!
Mayor Grafton: How dare you steal my plan about stealing! (He swipes at Garfield, but the cat eludes him by sliding down the bannister. He glances back at the mayor and then hops off)
Garfield: Oh! (He sees the water dispenser. Grafton also slides down the bannister)
Mayor Grafton: Whoa! (When he reaches the bottom, he steps on the water fountain–planted by Garfield–and starts rolling)
Garfield: Laughs (He grins and waves good-bye. Grafton rolls out of the building)
Mayor Grafton: Whoa!
Garfield: Laughs
Mayor Grafton: Whoa! (He bumps down the stairs, with Garfield watching from the top, and eventually crashes against a light pole) Whoa! Oh my! (The cat covers his eyes for a moment. Instead of seeing stars, the corrupt mayor sees Garfields skipping around his head. The real Garfield starts to read some of Grafton’s papers, but then the mayor recovers and charges at him)
Garfield: Just as you’re trying to read, someone’s always interrupting. (He returns into the building into the hallway leading to Grafton’s office. There, they do the classic cartoon chase trope where the chasee, Garfield, runs into a door and then reappears out of a different door, confusing the chaser, Mayor Grafton. They do this a handful of times, chasing each other, getting roared at by a dragon, and Garfield appears twice at one point, as well as some penguins) Chuckles Laughs (Eventually, Garfield breaks the loop by stopping and sitting on a bench, reading the documents) Boy he’s very, very crooked. (Grafton runs up to him)
Mayor Grafton: You’ve caused too much trouble for me, cat! I’m gonna (He swipes the paper from the pussycat’s paw) take care of you! (Before he can, a robot interferes. More would come soon after)
Robots: Mistreating overweight cat: $100 fine. (It hands Grafton the ticket. Another robot rolls up, ticket in hand, and so would two more) Grabbing portly pussycat: $200 fine. Chasing pussycat: $300 fine. Yelling at feline: $500 fine. (The robots start to corner him)
Mayor Grafton: (wagging his finger) I’m not paying any of these stupid fines! Besides, (He raises his finger) I’m stealing all the money anyway! (Garfield notices something. He stands up and taps Grafton on the arm) This was all my scheme
Garfield: Ahem…
Mayor Grafton: (continuing) to swindle people and uh… (Garfield gestures with his thumb. The mayor turns and sees the news crew in the doorway, shocked and appalled) stutters Chuckles Make-up, please. (The Tubby Tabby hops off the bench)
Garfield: I’m thinking this would NOT be (He raises his finger and walks around the mayor) a good time to plan your re-election campaign.
(Later that evening, Harry strums a sad song on a guitar while sitting on the chimney of the house across from Jon’s. Inside, Jon is serving Garfield–who is watching the news on TV with Odie seated on the floor beside him–another sandwich. The cat holds the remote between his feet)
Anchorwoman: And thanks to a financial plan found in his possession, Mayor Grafton (Cut to the TV, where the anchorwoman has her eyes narrowed) has been arrested and charged with being very, very crooked.
Garfield: Told ya he was.
Jon: Nice work, Garfield. (Odie stands up and puts his paws on the arm of the chair)
Odie: Bark! (Garfield swipes the sandwich off the plate and takes a bite)
Garfield: Scoff. Chewing noises
Jon: I wonder what’s going to happen to those robots (He holds a finger to his chin) that give out tickets.
Odie: Moan… (His tail wags behind him)
Garfield: I’ve arranged to have them reprogrammed to do something about your sandwiches. (He holds up the sandwich in his paw)
Odie: Huh? (A robot rolls into the living room from the hallway, startling Jon and causing Odie to retreat into the corner)
Robots: Too much mustard on sandwich: (It hands Jon a ticket) $50 fine. (Another robot rolls up to Jon, and another joins it, all prepared to fine Jon) Corned beef sliced too thin: $100 fine. (They overlap their speech as they hand Jon the tickets)
Jon: Whimpers
Garfield: Cheating the city out of millions… mm, (He holds up his finger) that’s wrong. (He raises his paw to his mouth, as if telling the viewers a secret) But making bad sandwiches, that’s REALLY a crime! (He gives a final wink and the episode comes to an end)
THE END