[Episode starts off with Garfield walking down the street, carrying an empty tray. He walks into a pet store and begins grabbing stuff]
Garfield: Ooh. [Grabs a goldfish bowl] I think I'll have one of these. [Grabs a couple cans of cat food] Two of these. [Grabs a birdcage] Ooh, you wait and grow up. [Puts it back] [Grabs some catnip] Some of this on top, [Grabs another goldfish bowl] two of these, [Grabs some dog treats] three of those, [Grabs some more canned food] four of these, [Grabs some more] uhh, twelve of those.
[Garfield notices a very upset storekeeper. Garfield smiles as he puts everything back. The storekeeper kicks him out, and he lands in a garbage can]
Garfield: Huh. The last time I go into that cafeteria.
[A mouse walks by and notices Garfield]
Floyd: [Gasps] [Kneels down and begs] Oh, please, Mr. Cat, don't eat me, please! Ple-e-ease! I have no nutritional value! I'm very high in cholesterol!
Garfield: I don't eat mice.
Floyd: The surgeon general put a warning on me. Eating me could be hazardous to your health!
Garfield: Eating mice. [Gags] What a disgusting concept.
Floyd: Oh, hi, Garfield.
Garfield: Hello, Floyd, How goes the rat race?
[A bunch of rats run by them]
Floyd: I think Seymour is winning.
[They hear a voice off-screen]
Ralph: Ha! I've gotcha this time, mutt!
[A dogcatcher is seen chasing a large dog across the street. The dog squeezes through a hole in the fence, which the dogcatcher climbs over. The dog runs past Garfield and Floyd]
Garfield: Isn't he a little big to be in the race?
[The dogcatcher catches Garfield, mistaking him for a dog]
Ralph: You're mine now.
Garfield: Ahem. Me cat, you dogcatcher.
[The dogcatcher's boss is suddenly seen]
Mr. Mendelberger: Ralph, put that cat down! [Ralph does so] You are the most incompetent dogcatcher on the whole squad.
Ralph: [Chuckles] But---But Mr. Mendelberger, I--
Mr. Mendelberger: One more mistake and you're fired!
Ralph: [Stutters] Yes, sir. I-uh--- I understand, sir.
[Garfield and Floyd walk off]
Garfield: Let's eat. Do you like lasagna?
[The dog from earlier jumps in front of them]
Dog: [Growls]
Garfield: [Barks]
Dog: Hey, cat, how come you making like a dog?
Garfield: A cat? Where? Huh! You don't think I'm a cat, do ya? Did'ja hear that, Floyd? Funny, huh?
Floyd: Uh, yeah, [Nods quickly] funny, ha! You a cat? Ha ha! H
Garfield: If I were a cat, would I be walking with a mouse? Obviously I'm a Fido felinis.
Dog: A what?
Garfield: A Fido felinis, you know, a dog that looks like a cat. Stupid folks always make that mistake but you're smart enough to know the difference, right?
Dog: Difference? Oh, yeah, right, yeah, sure. He-heh. Sorry for the mix-up, pal. [Chuckles] Yeah, [Smacks Garfield in the back, causing him to fall down] see you 'round. [Chuckles] [Leaves]
Floyd: [Laughs] Pretty clever. Hey, do ya think that trick would work for me when cats start chasin' me?
Garfield: Sure, I'll teach you to meow.
[Scene transitions to Floyd on a trashcan, attempting to meow]
Floyd: Meow.
Garfield: [Meows]
Floyd: [Meows]
Garfield: [Meows]
Floyd: Meow.
Garfield: [Walks up to Floyd] Now pinch your throat. [Stretches his face] Meow.
Floyd: [Attempts to meow]
Garfield: [Pats him] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here, here, here. Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Floyd: What does that sound like?
Garfield: Like a violin going through a trash masher.
Floyd: Oh, I'll never learn how to meow.
Garfield: Sure you will. Hey, I learned how to bark. [Barks]
[On the sidewalk, Ralph hears Garfield's barking and mistakes him for a dog, again]
Ralph: A dog! [Runs off]
Garfield: [Growls and barks]
[Ralph finds Garfield]
Ralph: I was right. That was a dog. [Garfield runs off] You're not fooling me this time, dog.
[Ralph begins chasing Garfield. Garfield stops in his tracks and motions Ralph to stop too. He watches the rat race from earlier run past him again]
Garfield: Okay, continue.
[Chase continues. Garfield hides inside a garbage can as Ralph runs up to him. Ralph attempts to open the lids as Garfield switches between the cans. Garfield then opens a door through one of them]
Garfield: I think we all know how this joke works by now.
[Ralph throws off all the lids and two of the three trashcans]
Ralph: [Laughs] [Looks inside can] You're trapped now, dog. [Laughs]
[Garfield gets out a stick and whacks the can like a gong. Ralph gets his head out, feeling very dizzy]
Ralph: Operator, operator, I seem to have a bad connection.
[Ralph sees Garfield, who runs off]
Ralph: Come back here, dog! Come back here! [Chases him once more]
Garfield: [To audience] He's yelling like he actually expects me to do it.
[Scene transitions back to Floyd, who has been practicing his meowing skills]
Floyd: [Meows]
[The dog from earlier hears Floyd's meows. He runs up and catches him, thinking he's actually a cat]
Dog: [Realizes] Hey, you ain't a cat.
Floyd: I'm workin' on an impression. Cut me some slack, pal.
Dog: Oh, [Giggles] that was good. I do a pretty mean mouse myself. Listen. [Squeaks]
Floyd: Mmmm, It's a little overstated. Act like you got somethin' stuck in your teeth.
Dog: Huh? Like this? [Squeaks]
Floyd: Yeah, well, it's--Work on it and bring it back.
[Garfield runs past them, with Ralph following]
Ralph: [Laughs] There's the dog I was chasing there earlier. [Laughs as he catches the dog] I got 'im.
Dog: [Squeaks]
Ralph: Wait a minute. Dogs don't squeak. Mice squeak like that one there. [Points to Floyd]
Floyd: [Meows]
[Ralph hears barking as Garfield walks back]
Ralph: There's the dog. [Laughs as he grabs Garfield] I caught the dog! At last, I caught a dog! [Laughs manically]
Mr. Mendelberger: That's not a dog! That's a cat! [Walks up to him] I warned you, one more mistake!
Ralph: No, this is a dog. It barks, you'll see. It's a dog. [Chuckles] Bark for the nice man, Fido.
Garfield: [Clears throat] Meow.
Mr. Mendelberger: Okay, that's it! You're history!
Ralph: [Laughs manically] It's a dog! [Laughs more]
Mr. Mendelberger: Ralph, that is a cat. [Points to the actual dog] This is a dog!
Ralph: Oh, no. That's a mouse. It goes squeak. [To dog] Squeak for the man, mousey.
Dog: [Shrugs]
Ralph: [Referring to Floyd] This is a cat. It went "meow". I heard it. See? Mouse goes "meow," the doggy goes "squeak," cat goes "arf" but...Ha! That's not a cat. [Laughs] It's a dog but it only looks like a cat. It sounds like a mouse but the mouse is a cat,
[Two other dogcatchers take him away]
Ralph: He looks like a dog but they don't go "bow-wow" except that the dog eats cheese. [Laughs] And the cat-- the cat went "squeak"! Or was that the dog?!
[He laughs manically as he gets sent away]
Floyd: Poor guy.
Dog: So whadda we do now?
Garfield: Whadda we do? I think we got a great act. [Barks]
Dog: [Squeaks]
Floyd: [Meows]
[They walk across the sidewalk as they continue making their respective sounds. A bird watches them from a utility pole, scratching his head in confusion]
Bird: [Moos] [Flies off]
[End of episode]