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Transcript

(the episode begins at the barn where Orson is counting grapes. Booker arrives just as Orson finishes counting)

Orson: 3,412, 3,413, 3,414 grapes.

Booker: All finished with the count, Orse?

Orson: All finished. But Roy was supposed to be here to stand guard. Guard the fruit, Booker, while I go find our missing fruit guardian.

(Orson leaves the barn)

Booker: Okay, Orson. (eats a grape) Mmmmm! Delicious!

(Orson arrives at Roy's coop where signs telling visitors to go away are seen. Orson knocks on the door and Roy comes out holding a sign that says "No Parking.")

Roy: Can't you read the sign? It says, "Do not disturb." That includes you, piggo.

(Roy shuts the door before Orson knocks on it again)

Orson: Roy, open this door! Roy! (gets an idea) Hey. Isn't that leggy supermodel Chicksie Brinkley?

(Roy emerges from the coop with flowers. He's now much more handsome and excited at the name)

Roy: Chicksie Brinkley?! Where is she? What's she wearing and will she marry me?

Orson: Roy, you'd better get on duty. The Big Cock-a-Doodle is visiting this county today.

Roy: Ha! I don't care who's visiting. I'm not...(realizes what Orson just said) Whom did you say is visiting?

Orson: The Big Cock-a-Doodle.

Roy: (exclaims in fright)

(Roy dashes to the barn posthaste. He is now quickly marching around with Booker and Orson watching)

Roy: (rapidly) Hup, two, three, four, hup, two, three, four, hup, two, three, four, hup, two, three, four, hup, two, three, four. I'm guarding the fruit, Orson. Hup, two, three, four.

Orson: Roy.

Booker: Hey, I'll see you guys later.

(Booker leaves before Roy gets down on his knees and pleads to Orson)

Roy: Please don't tell the Big Cock-a-Doodle. Please! Please. Please?

Orson: If even one little grape is missing...

Roy: It won't be. Not a grape. Not a peach pit. Not a watermelon seed. Roy is on guard.

Orson: Do your job and you have nothing to worry about.

(Orson leaves as Wade enters and eats another grape. Roy is sweeping up)

Roy: Oh, worry. Oh, fret.

Wade: (with mouth full) Why so much anxiety, Roy? You remind me of me.

Roy: You're right. I should be calm, collected and...(notices Wade eating something) What are you eating?

Wade: (finishes chewing and swallowing) A grape.

Roy: A GRAPE?! You ate a grape?! (opens up Roy's beak and looks in it to no avail) (voice echoes) COME BAAAAAAACK! (to Wade) Orson says that if even one grape is missing, he's gonna report me to the Big Cock-a-Doodle! (cries) Guard the fruit! I'm gonna find another grape.

(Roy quickly leaves the barn and looks for a grape)

Roy: Grape. Grape. Must find a grape. Grape. Grape. Grape. There's gotta be one grape left on the vines here. (sees none) Nothing. Not one grape left. Hmmm. There's got to be a place where I can get my hands on a grape. (gets an idea) Aha! Of course! I should of thought of this before!

(Roy quickly leaves the farm and arrives at the Super Mart)

Roy: There it is. They'll have a grape! (quickly runs in) I hope there isn't a line waiting to check out. I don't have much time. (sees no line) No one is waiting. This is my lucky day! (sees fresh grapes) Here they are...grapes! (picks up a grape and weighs it on the scale) Zero-point-one ounces. Perfect. I'll replace the grape, and no one will ever (gasps)

(Roy dashes to the checkout lane, but see that now there's a big line of people)

Roy: By the time I get outta here, this thing'll be a raisin.

(back on the farm, Wade is guarding the fruit when Orson arrives)

Orson: How come Roy isn't on guard duty like he's supposed to be?

Wade: (stammering) How come? Well, uh, There's a very good reason, you know. Yeah, and you'd probably want to know what that very good reason is. Well, that is...Where's Roy with that grape?

(back at the Super Mart where Roy is still in line)

Roy: Let's see. Eighty cents a pound. This grape will cost me...(muttering while calculating) Okay, one-half a cent. Oh, I hope they have change for a penny.

(back at the farm with Orson and Wade)

Orson: Wade, are you hiding something?

(car horn honking. Orson and Wade see a long white limousine slowly pulling up)

Orson: Wow! That is one long limousine!

Wade: I wonder if the front seat and the back seat are ever in the same time zone? Whose is it?

(two chicken buglers and the Big Cock-a-Doodle are seen wearing red suits)

Orson: There's only one individual who could have a limo like that...the Big Cock-a-Doodle!

Wade: (trembling) Roy, hurry. Roy.

(back at the Super Mart where Roy is still in line)

Roy: Yoo-hoo! How about opening another line, people? Before all the milk these folks are buying reaches its expiration date? Hmmmm? (whines)

(Back at the farm, the two chicken buglers emerge from the front seat and blow their bugles)

Chicken Buglers 1 and 2: Make way for the Big Cock-a-Doodle!

(Booker arrives)

Booker: Hey, what's going on here?

Orson and Wade: Shhhhhh!

(The Big Cock-a-Doodle comes to Orson, Wade, and Booker)

Big Cock-a-Doodle: Where is...(one of the buglers whispers indistinctly in his ear) Roy Rooster?

Wade: (trembling) Hurry, Roy. Hurry.

(Back at the Super Mart, where Roy is sleeping on a customer's cart and STILL waiting in line. He then wakes up)

Roy: (snoring) (wakes up) Huh? Huh? Huh? Oh. Only one person ahead of me. I should be out of here in no time.

(an elderly customer sees the total)

Customer: Eighty-one dollars and seventy-seven cents. Hmmmm. Is it all right if I pay with coins?

Roy: (gasps in shock) Oh, my. (collapses)

(Back at the farm)

Big Cock-a-Doodle: As you know, I represent all roosters. I'm here to check up on Roy.

Orson: (stutters) Uh, Roy. Uh, he was guarding our grape harvest. He must be around here somewhere.

(back at the Super Mart where a customer is still paying and Roy is losing his patience)

Customer: And another nickel makes $2.00. Plus a dime makes $2.10. And another quarter...Oh, wait. No, that is a subway token.

(Roy is steaming mad)

Roy: (exclaims in anger) (train whistle) A SUBWAY TOKEN?!

(back at the farm)

Big Cock-a-Doodle: (to Wade) And do you know anything about the whereabouts of Roy Rooster?

(Orson and Booker runs out of his line of sight)

Wade: Who, me?

Big Cock-a-Doodle: Out with it, duck! Are there any grapes missing?

Wade: Grapes? Missing? (chuckling) Oh, no. Of course not. There are no grapes missing.

Big Cock-a-Doodle: I see. Are there any apples missing?

Wade: No, just that one grape. (stammers)

(The Big Cock-a-Doodle smiles. He has caught Wade's lie)

Wade: No, no grapes. Did I say a grape was missing? Oh, my! Where would I get a silly idear like that?

Big Cock-a-Doodle: I want a recount on your grape harvest. And I want it NOW!

Orson: Now wait just a minute, Mr. Cock-a-Doodle! You can't just barge in...

Big Cock-a-Doodle: (interrupting) I am the Big Cock-a-Doodle. I can do whatever I want! (pokes Orson in the tummy with his cane) Begin the recount at once!

Orson: (stammering) Yes, sir!

Wade: Roy...hurry!

(back at the Super Mart, it's finally Roy's turn, and night has fallen)

Cashier: Next, please.

(Roy hands the cashier the grape to scan)

Roy: Here. Just one grape. No coupons.

Cashier: Paper or plastic?

Roy: ANYTHING!! Just get me outta here!

(Roy hurries away from the Super Mart and back to the farm where Orson is recounting the grape harvest)

Orson: Seven hundred and ten plus 900 in that basket.

Big Cock-a-Doodle: (losing his patience) Where...IS...Roy Rooster?

(Roy arrives)

Roy: Right here, sir! I'm sorry. I thought I heard a weasel by the hen house.

(Roy takes out the grape and gently kicks it into the basket without anyone noticing)

Orson: ...308, 309.

Big Cock-a-Doodle: You were guarding the grape harvest, were you not?

Roy: That I was.

Big Cock-a-Doodle: If even one is missing...

Roy: I am unafraid.

(Orson has finished his recount and comes with notepad in hand)

Orson: Okay, I counted all the grapes again.

Big Cock-a-Doodle: And?

Orson: I'm afraid one is missing.

Roy: One...is missing? (snatches the notepad) But that's not possible! It's not!

Big Cock-a-Doodle: Come along with me, Roy Rooster.

(The Big Cock-a-Doodle snatches Roy by the tail feathers)

Booker: Roy's really in big trouble now!

(Wade holds up a cuckoo clock)

Wade: It's worse than you think. This episode is over!

(the buglers now take their turn taking Roy away)

Booker: Oh, no. Is there anything we can do? See if Garfield will give us two more minutes.

Wade: I am afraid there's only one way we can possibly save Roy.

(Wade pulls down a slide that says "TO BE CONTINUED...")

Booker: (reading) "To be continued..." But when?

Wade: In our next episode, of course.

(episode ends)

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