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"Halt! Officer Odie orders you to stop and help!"
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(The episode begins in an old-school Western town. Two men walk into the main street, about to engage in a duel. They stand with their hands at their hips, ready to grab their weapons)
Man 1: Growl
Man 2: Growl (The first one wiggles his itchy trigger fingers. Everyone watches from the saloon)
People: Gasp!
Man 2: Growl! (The other dueler doesn’t react. Man 2 quickly grabs a couple of pies and throws them at his adversary) Grunt!
Man 1: Whimpers (Before he can react, he is drilled by pies, knocking him over) Grunt! (Everyone gathers around the victor, clapping and cheering his success. The winning man tips his hat in victory)
People: Cheers and applause
Man 1: You got me! (He sits up. Garfield suddenly steps into the street, wearing a wide-brimmed cowboy hat, a bandana around his neck, a vest, and boots)
Garfield: Hold it! Stop! (Odie walks up to him, wearing a similar outfit to Garfield–hat, bandana, and vest–except without boots. The pup’s ears poke out through the hat) Cut! Pies? (It is revealed that the whole scene was just that, a scene for a Western movie. Garfield, Odie, and the others are actors in said movie)
Cameraman: Huh?
Garfield: This is a Western movie and they’re throwing pies?! (He is visibly confused. Squeak, the stage manager, interjects)
Squeak: Hey, I'm just the stage manager. The director wanted pies, so we got pies. (He winces, possibly afraid of how Garfield will react to this news)
Garfield: Who’s directing this thing? I demand to speak with him this instant! (He points at the ground. Squeak pulls out a megaphone and shouts through it)
Squeak: Directors, come in to the stage!
Odie: Mutters (He seems just as bewildered and annoyed as his best friend)
Garfield: Who ever heard of a Western with pies? (Nermal walks up) Besides, pies aren’t for throwing!
Nermal: Hey! (He raises his finger. Garfield continues ranting at Odie, paying the kitten next to no mind)
Garfield: Oh hi, Nermal. (He returns to Odie) Pies are for eating!
Nermal: Huh?
Garfield: (continuing) Where is this director?!
Nermal: Oh, I'm your– (He is cut off by Garfield)
Garfield: Here I am making my first Western (Nermal is annoyed at the lack of acknowledgement from Garfield) and they probably got some kid out of film school…
Odie: (irritated) Awwww! (He shakes his head)
Garfield: (continuing) someone who has no experience… (He wags his fingers)
Nermal: Well actually, Garfield, I’m your– (He points at Garfield, but is again interrupted by him)
Garfield: I can’t work like this! Where is that director?!
Nermal: Grrrrr! (He taps his foot impatiently. Squeak walks up to him)
Squeak: We’ve set up the next shot, when you’re ready! (Nermal smiles at him, but the pets are both stunned)
Garfield: (shocked) Ooh!
Nermal: Chuckle (He grins evilly at them, and his teeth glint)
Garfield: (pointing) You? (Nermal nods affirmatively) You’re the director?!
Odie: Oooooh!
Nermal: Guess so. (He grins. Garfield and Odie look at each other)
Odie: Huh?
Garfield: We quit. (He tosses his hat away and walks out, and Odie follows. Nermal’s cockiness suddenly turns to worry. He needs his actors, after all)
Nermal: Oh wait, wait, wait! Don’t you even wanna hear (He chases after them) my fresh new concept for this movie? (He walks with them)
Garfield: Does it involve the star mailing his director to Abu Dhabi?
Nermal: I’ve been thinking, Westerns are kind of old-fashioned…
Garfield: That may be because they take place in the PAST, Nermal. (Odie finds Garfield’s sarcastic response funny)
Odie: Giggles
Nermal: Exactly! (He has stopped, while the cat and dog duo continue) So I've decided to add in things that today’s audiences want, like… zombies. (He turns around and calls for his zombie) Where’s my zombie?
Odie: Huh?!
Garfield: Wha? (Both he and Odie pause, surprised. Squeak makes the announcement over the squealing megaphone)
Squeak: Zombies to the set, please! (The cameraman winces)
Nermal: And ninja warriors! (Garfield and Odie watch from a short distance, surprised) Where are my ninjas? Ninjas please! (The ninjas drop from the sky and begin fighting each other)
Ninjas: Fighting grunts
Nermal: Aren’t they great? You wouldn’t believe how many ninjas I had to audition to find these.
Garfield: (exasperated) Nermal… (He waves his paw dismissively. Nermal’s display seems to be doing little to appease him or Odie)
Nermal: And making a deal. (He raises his finger) Do you know how hard it is to negotiate with ninja warriors? Their agent is a samurai, but they’re worth it. These guys are utterly fearless! (He grins triumphantly, but then, the zombie he called for earlier finally arrives)
Zombie: Moan…
Ninjas: AAAHHHHHHH! (They flee in terror of the zombie)
Nermal: OK, so they’re afraid of zombies, but hey, who isn’t? (Garfield blinks twice) Garfield,
Garfield: Huh?
Nermal: (continuing) if you and Odie will be in my movie, (He gets big eyes, pleading with them) I won’t annoy you for… mm… (He thinks about a good time frame)
Garfield: 12 weeks.
Nermal: Eight weeks, (He holds up a finger) including reruns.
Garfield: Hmm… (He ponders this briefly, but eight weeks without Nermal seems to appease him. He grabs his hat back off of the kitten’s head, knocking him over)
Nermal: Whoa! (Garfield spits in his paw and then extends it to shake) Ah! (The cats shake paws, agreeing to the deal) Giggles Yay! (He gives Garfield a thumbs-up)
Garfield: Well, (He gestures behind him with his thumb) we gotta go get into wardrobe.
Odie: Right! (He strikes a victorious pose, ready to get the show on the road, and he and Garfield leave to get ready for filming. The zombie walks up to Nermal)
Zombie: Excuse me, (He raises his finger) do I have any actual dialogue in this film, or (He scratches his head. Nermal taps his fingers on the ground) do I just go about… (He groans and makes zombie-like sounds) Moan… Like that? (Nermal springs to his feet)
Nermal: Hey, listen, (He wags his finger at the zombie) kid, you don’t like it, the industry’s full of unemployed zombies. (He storms over to his director’s chair) Is my rat with the guitar here, yet? (He is. A rat resembling Packy from Season 2 stands on a barrel and speaks with an Elvis-like voice)
Rat with Guitar: Uh-huh. Tuned up and ready to rock.
(With everything ready, Nermal is back in his director chair to start the first scene. He bellows through the megaphone)
Nermal: OK, people and those of you who aren’t people, let’s take it from the top! (Squeak holds a clapper)
Squeak: Legend of Glitter Gulch, scene one, take one, we have speed and (He claps the clapper) ac-ti-on! (The film begins. The guitar-playing rat that Nermal spoke of earlier narrates the scene from his seat on top of a spineless cactus. A horse-drawn carriage rolls by, and other people and things do their daily tasks. Horses drink water, people walk and trot by on horseback, nothing too exciting… yet)
Rat with Guitar: Get yourself comfy as I tell a story about a city in total despair. (He reappears on a horse trough filled with water) It was a town with a pretty bad sheriff, utterly clueless to crime everywhere. (The sheriff in question is Eddie Gourmand. He sits on his porch overlooking the town. A girl is on the steps finishing an apple. She goes to toss it away, but sheriff Gourmand stops her)
Eddie Gourmand: Hey you! Don’t litter. (A loud crash is heard nearby)
Woman 1: Help! (She runs away from a trio of mustached thieves who are aptly named) The Mustache Mob just robbed the bank! (The sheriff, however, doesn’t bat an eye, even though the mob walks right past him with bags of loot in their hands)
Man 3: Help! The Mustache Mob just robbed the jewelry store! (What does set off alarm bells, however, is a man dropping chewed gum onto the street)
Eddie Gourmand: (wagging his finger) No chewing gum on the street! (He points at the gum)
Man 4: Whimper (He picks the gum up and puts it back in his mouth. He chews it and blows a bubble with it)
Eddie Gourmand: Grrrr! (Another woman cries for help, fleeing from the bandits)
Woman 2: Help! The Mustache Mob just robbed the soft (The three robbers emerge with cones of fro-yo in their hands) frozen yogurt shop!
(Sheriff Gourmand speaks to the people from his porch)
Eddie Gourmand: You have to listen to me! (He pats himself) I’m the sheriff! (He points at his five-pointed-star-shaped sheriff badge, which glints and reads the word, “SHERIFF”) I have a badge and everything! (Nearby, Jon and his pets watch from a distance)
Jon: Boy… if I were the sheriff, I'd stop all this crime and lawlessness.
Garfield: So the town is gripped in a crime spree. (Jon shakes his head, exasperated) Big, fat, hairy deal. (He shakes his head no) Doesn’t bother me. (Suddenly, Vito bursts into the doorway of his pizzeria)
Vito: Help! (He points) The Mustache Mob! They just robbed my pizzeria! (Each member of the mob carries a stack of pizza in their hands. Garfield quickly becomes furious, and raises his trembling fist into the air)
Odie: Huh?
Garfield: Alright, now they’ve gone too far! (He points)
(Shortly after, the guitar-playing rat sits on the rail leading up to the sheriff’s office. Sheriff Gourmand strolls up the stairs into it)
Rat with Guitar: All through the city, the people were angry. Someone, they said, had to capture that mob. (The rat reappears inside as the camera follows Eddie’s path. Inside the office are wanted posters on the walls, a safe in the corner of the room, and a locked jail cell) They told the mayor to get a new lawman. He told the old one to find a new job. (Eddie stands at his desk, looking worried. In front of him is the mayor, Herman Post, and Dr. Whipple. Herman glares at the sheriff, who bursts into tears)
Eddie Gourmand: Cries Oh please, Mr. Mayor, don’t fire me! I love being sheriff! I love wearing my little sheriff… (He drops what is presumably his badge) oof! Oh, please, please, (He stops the waterworks for a moment) get me another chance! (The Mayor points his walking stick at Eddie)
Herman Post: We gave you another chance.
Eddie Gourmand: (crying) Then give me another ANOTHER chance! (He grabs the end of the walking stick) Oh please, please, that’s all I… (Whipple cuts him off)
Dr. Whipple: Do your duty, mayor. The Mustache Mob has now robbed eight banks, three jewelry stores, and that place on the corner that sells soft frozen yogurt. (The mayor points his cane into the floor)
Herman Post: Hm, I don’t believe they’ve robbed any of your (He points the stick at Whipple) businesses yet, Doc Whipple.
Dr. Whipple: They will. Chuckle I’m the richest man in town. It’s just a matter of time. (Behind the scenes, Garfield is enjoying some snacks from the food table, while Odie is on the other side of it. Squeak runs up to the both of them)
Squeak: You guys have an entrance coming up!
Garfield: Mm. (He finishes his food) It’s about time. (He heads for the stage, but returns to grab a box and takes it with him) Grunt!
(Back on the set, Post is breaking the news)
Herman Post: Sorry, Sheriff Gourmand, you’re fired. (Eddie gasps like he had been lacking oxygen for several minutes... or had just been shot)
Eddie Gourmand: Wheeze! Sobs
Dr Whipple: (pointing at the mayor) I’ve got just the man to replace him: a new sheriff and two deputies. (He calls for them) Clyde! (Three men–Clyde, Luke, and Zeke–burst through the door and salute him. The biggest of them falls forward onto the other two. Dr. Whipple scowls at and gestures to them) This is Clyde. he and his men will make fine law enforcers. (The short one shakes Post’s hand)
Herman Post: I’m sure they would, but I've already hired someone else. (He calls for his new hire) Arbuckle!
Dr. Whipple: Whimper (Jon appears in the door)
Jon: Howdy there, Mr. Mayor, sir. (He trips and lands on the pile of men) Oof! (Everyone stares at him) I sure am proud you picked me to be sheriff! I’ll catch them good-for-nothing Mustache Mobsters! (The big guy giggles, and so does his much skinnier companion)
Eddie Gourmand: Weeps (He pounds the desk like a child throwing a temper tantrum)
Jon: (pointing) Let me introduce you to my deputies. (He calls) Oh deputies! (His faithful deputies, Garfield and Odie, appear on either side of him, grinning)
Garfield: Laughs
Odie: Ta da! (The pup waves his paws. Whipple and his three men seem disgusted. Garfield blows on his finger as if cooling off a pistol after shooting it)
Garfield: Howdy, partners. (He puts his finger to his side, as if putting a gun back in its holster. Dr. Whipple is dumbfounded by the mayor’s decision)
Dr. Whipple: You’re appointing a cat and a dog as deputies? You should hire my men here. (He smirks)
Herman Post: Calm down, Doc Whipple. I gave Arbuckle here the job. (He taps his fingers on his cane) If he and his pets don’t catch the Mustache Mob, well, then I'll give your guys a chance.
Dr. Whipple: We can practically guarantee they won’t catch the Mustache Mob. (He glances at his men) Right men?
Whipple’s Men: Laughs Sure!
Herman Post: I’ll show you around, Sheriff Jon. You’re going to need the combination to the safe (He raises his cane, pointing it at Jon) where we keep the files.
(Seemingly defeated, at least for now, Whipple and his men head outside and conduct a conversation on the porch)
Dr. Whipple: We’ve GOT to get that new sheriff fired so that you can replace him (He points at the men with one hand and over his shoulder with the other) and I can get access to that safe! (He shakes his head. The short man, presumably Clyde, speaks up)
Clyde: Why? What’s in it?
Dr. Whipple: I’ll tell you later. Right now, (He raises a clenched fist) I want you to go out (He points at Clyde) and make trouble!
Zeke, Luke, and Clyde: (over each other) Sure thing, doc. Don’t worry, we’re real good at that. (The four of them descend the stairs as Arlene walks toward them. She wears a patchwork headdress and regular dress in unexciting pastel blues and yellows)
(Cut to Nermal on his director’s chair looking over the script)
Nermal: Alright, cue Arlene to enter! (He takes a sip from his mug and, after finishing it, turns it upside-down and sticks it on Squeak’s head)
Squeak: Ow! (He stumbles)
(Arlene enters the sheriff’s office carrying a basket)
Arlene: Hello, Garfield, or should I say, (Odie spins around on his swivel chair and, upon seeing Arlene, pants happily) Deputy Garfield.
Odie: Bark! (Garfield sits with his feet on the desk)
Garfield: Howdy, Miss Arlene. (He raises his hat)
Arlene: I brought you lunch, in fact, I made your favorite thing: food. (The Tubby Tabby zips up to her, causing Odie to spin rapidly in his chair)
Garfield: You’ve always been right nice to me, Miss Arlene. (Odie comes to a stop, his eyes spinning with dizziness)
(Outside, the narrator rat strums his guitar, walking down the street)
Rat with Guitar: Up the hillside, a stampede was startin’ more head of cattle than you’d ever seen. (The Mustache Mob uses cymbals to rile up the cows in the pasture)
Muchache Mob: Whoops (Between their screaming, yee-hawing, and clanging cymbals, a stampede of mooing cows breaks the fence and races toward the village)
Rat with Guitar: (now on the fence) Nothin’ would stop ‘em from reachin’ the village, nothing except for bein’ the law. (He closes his eyes, and the cows charge the town. An unsuspecting elderly man asks a mom and child)
Elderly man: Hey my gringo, what’s going on? What’s that noise? (He hears the cattle, and then sees them round a corner into the main street) Whimper Cattle stampede! (Everyone flees for their lives) Cattle stampede! (The cows run down the street. Whipple watches from his window, smirking)
Dr. Whipple: Snickers (The cows round another corner, only to be stopped by a red light. They stop abruptly and a railroad barrier lowers in front of them to make way for a flock of baaing sheep. The members of Whipple’s posse watch from behind a distant building)
Zeke, Luke, and Clyde: Chuckle evilly (After one last sheep passes the intersection, the barrier rises and the light turns green. The cows resume their stampede, which Garfield, Odie, and Arlene watch from inside the sheriff’s office. Odie has his paws on his mouth, visibly concerned, while the cats gaze at them from the open door)
Odie: Bark! (He hops off the chair) Bark! Bark!
Arlene: Garfield, all the cows are heading for the bank!
Garfield: Either they all have ATM cards, (He taps his chin) or we have a stampede on our hands.
(Outside, in main street, Jon is standing in the cow’s path, attempting to stop them. The man from earlier watches from a porch)
Elderly man: Now, looky here, you’re the sheriff, (He points his cane at him) Sheriff. (Jon sees the cows round the corner and charge toward him) DO something to stop ‘em, why don’t ya?
Jon: Whimpers (Herman Post drops his cane in terror)
Herman Post: YAAAAAHHHHHHH! (He flees)
Jon: Stop them? But how do I-? (He slides into the center of the street) Uhh… stop? (He raises his arms, attempting to get the cows to stop, but this is ineffective. His knees are knocking as the two cats and dog known as Garfield, Arlene and Odie run out and see him) Whimpers
Odie: Bark! (He points at Jon. Both cats are scared for him, and Arlene grabs Garfield’s paw, desperately)
Arlene: Sheriff Jon’s about to get trampled! (The Flabby Tabby, however, refuses to let that happen. He clenches his fist determinedly)
Garfield: Not if I… (He suddenly forgets what he was supposed to say. He winces as he asks for assistance) uh, line? (Squeak holds the script in front of the cat, who scans it quickly)
Squeak: “Not if his faithful deputy is around.” (Garfield smiles, back on track)
Garfield: Not if his faithful (Odie is looking fearful, with his paws raised to his mouth in worry) deputy is around! (He smiles. Off-set, Nermal is watching, excitedly)
Nermal: Giggles (He wiggles his toes with anticipation) This is so awesome!
(Meanwhile, Jon is paralyzed with fear as it appears that he is about to become a pancake)
Jon: Whimpers (He closes his eyes, bracing for the worst, when Garfield races out in front of him and blows on a whistle. He holds his arms out)
Garfield: This is a left turn only lane! (Amazingly, the cows turn left, sparing both Jon and Garfield)
Jon: Moan… (He faints)
(With the cows redirected, Garfield rides his faithful steed Odie, who is also looking determined, on a parallel street)
Odie: Bark! Bark! Bark! (The cows head toward a house, but instead of running it over, they run single-file through the front door and out the back, catching a couple who are eating dinner by surprise and knocking a few things over, like dishes and silverware)
Edgar’s Wife: Edgar, remember when I decided we should go vegan?
Edgar: Yeah, I remember. (His wife wags her full plate at him)
Edgar’s Wife: Well I've decided to forget (She throws the plate away, and it smashes on the ground) about that. From now on, (She points at him) there will be meat in this house! (Edgar stands up, smiling. Outside, Odie and Garfield lead the cows on a U-Turn back to where they belong)
Odie: Bark, bark, bark, bark! Bark, bark, bark, bark! (Odie manages to run in front of the herd) Grr! (Garfield pulls out a whistle and blows it. Odie makes a sharp right turn, and the cows follow. Garfield blows a couple more times and the herd follows them back into the fenced-off hillside, where they belong)
(With the chaos calmed, Garfield stands on the fence and watches the cows return, grinning wide. Odie is next to him, exhausted from the run, and letting his tongue hang as he tries to catch his breath. The narrating rat strums his guitar on a fencepost)
Garfield: Laughs
Rat with Guitar: Soon all the cattle had gone to the hillside, (Garfield looks at Odie, who glances back at him. The cat laughs again and pumps his fist in the air in celebration) making wide turns at all hamburger stands.
(Shortly after, Garfield rides back into town triumphantly on Odie’s back, leading a flock of sheep. Everyone celebrates from their porches)
Arlene: Hooray for the new sheriff!
People: Cheer (Jon gives his deputies a thumbs-up)
(The rat reappears on a barrel, outside of a house containing Dr. Whipple and the Mustache Mob)
Rat with Guitar: All the folks in the city were grateful, all but Doc Whipple, who scolded his hands. (Each member of the mob looks guilty, nervously awaiting Whipple’s wrath. Whipple himself glares at them and taps his foot impatiently)
Dr. Whipple: (pointing) You incompetence! (He clenches his fist) You’ve got to get that sheriff and deputy FIRED! (He says this last word so powerfully it rips off the mob’s mustaches, showing that they are nothing more than disguises. Each member hides themselves with their hats) Gah… (He facepalms)
(Nearby, Nermal gives his cameraman a simple order)
Nermal: All right, get a good close-up of Whipple (He points at the Doctor) when he delivers his next line! (The cameraman nods. The largest of the mob members speaks up)
Mega mob member: Just so you can get into some safe in the sheriff’s office? (The skinniest is next)
Measly mob member: What’s in there that’s so all-fired important, Doc? (The camera slowly zooms in on Whipple, just like Nermal desired)
Dr. Whipple: (smirking) A map, a map to a canyon where everything is gold! (He waves his arm vaguely) That map (He clenches his fist greedily) must be mine! That canyon must be mine! (He grins evilly)
Nermal: Perfect! (His tail wags behind him) All right, (He shouts through his megaphone) we’re on break! Everybody take five! (A bell rings, and everyone takes a momentary break, and so does the viewer, as Part 1 has reached its end)
TO BE CONTINUED…