This is a page for the transcripts of the Quickies from Garfield and Friends Season 6
Quickies are typically based off of Sunday strips from either the Garfield or U.S. Acres comic strip. Some of them have a fair bit of dialogue, others have one or two lines, and a few have none at all. While some of the dialogue is kept the same, others is added, removed, or altered.
Sand Person[]
(Garfield lies in bed, wide awake)
Garfield: I can’t sleep! (He yawns) I can’t sleep! (He pulls the blanket over his head) I wish I could get to sleep. (Just then, the Sand Person appears in front of him)
Sand Person: Howdy!
Garfield: Gasp! Who are you? (He points at the Sand Person)
Sand Person: I’m the Sand Person. I help folks get to sleep!
Garfield: (smiling) Really?
Sand Person: (nodding) Uh-huh! A few sprinkles of my magic sand and it’s nighty-night time.
Garfield: Great! Lay it on me!
Sand Person: Let’s go, Charley! (He waves his wand and then disappears. A shadow looms over Garfield and he looks up just in time to see a pile of sand get dumped upon him by a construction vehicle. The driver, Charley, backs away)
Garfield: (muffled) Well, it did get dark all of a sudden.
Gravity[]
(A down Garfield walks on the table)
Garfield: I hate Mondays. (He scratches his underarm) Boy do I hate Mondays. I need something to cheer me up. Gasp! (He sees something, or rather someone, standing on the edge of the table. He smiles, because it’s Odie)
Odie: Pants
Garfield: Great! I’ll kick Odie (He swings his foot as if kicking something) off the table! Heh, that’ll cheer me up. (He goes to get a running start. He leaps toward Odie and kicks him off)
Odie: Yowl! (To Garfield’s surprise, Odie starts floating in midair)
Garfield: (shaking his head) Huh, even GRAVITY (He facepalms and walks away) has it in for me today.
Drip[]
(Garfield is sleeping in his bed)
Garfield: Snore! (He hears a dripping noise that wakes him up) Huh? What’s that “drip drip” noise? (He yawns, stretches, gets out of bed and goes to figure it out. His first stop is the kitchen. He climbs the counter and twists the handle) It’s not the sink. (He scratches his chin, thinking. He suddenly realizes) Oh, I know what it is. (Odie had been drooling a puddle and was still dripping into it. Garfield walks up to him and turns the pup’s ear like a faucet handle. The dripping stops) There,
Odie: Pants
Garfield: (continuing) much better. (He leaves)
Quiet Evening 2[]
(Jon takes a seat in his chair with a bowl of popcorn in his hand)
Jon: Sigh! There’s nothing like a quiet evening at home. (He turns on the TV, only to have Garfield steal it from him. The cat changes the channel a few times, tosses the remote away, dumps the popcorn into his mouth, slams the empty bowl on Jon’s head, and for good measure, claws up his pants before leaving. Jon turns to the viewers) Not around here at any rate. Sigh…
Assembly Dinner[]
(Garfield is sleeping in his bed when Jon calls him for dinner)
Jon: Garfield! Here’s your dinner! (Garfield smiles, only to be surprised when Jon throws his bowl, a can of cat food, and a can opener over to him. He looks at them)
Garfield: My dinner! Some assembly required. (He takes the can opener and uses it on the food)
Hairdryer[]
(Jon stares blankly at the viewers when his hair gets blown to his left, and then to the right, resulting in a messy hairdo. It is then blown up, then sideways, then all directions at once, getting his hair even more messy. It is then shown that Garfield and Odie are having a hairdryer fight between them)
Jon: Are you boys quite done yet?
Garfield: Let’s try the hurricane setting! (Odie nods and they crank up their hairdryers, blowing them on Jon and each other as well)
Diable[]
(Jon is sleeping and snoring in bed)
Jon: Snore! (Garfield walks up to him dragging a scary demon mask in his paw) Snore! (Garfield puts on the mask)
Garfield: Excuse me, sir. (He taps Jon’s head to wake him up)
Jon: Yah, whoa, YAAAAAHHH! (He leaps into the air. Garfield spins and lands on his feet. Rubble from the ceiling falls around him, and he looks up at the damage, and then at the viewers. There is a human-shaped hole in the ceiling. Garfield takes the mask off and addresses the viewers)
Garfield: That’s what’s known as “burying the needle on the wake-up meter”. (He grins)
Cereal, Milk, Sugar...[]
(Garfield lies on his back, grinning. Jon walks up to him. He looks at Jon and opens his mouth wide. Jon dumps cereal into his mouth, leaves, and then returns with a carton of milk. He pours it on the cereal, leaves once again, and returns with the sugar bowl)
Jon: Uh, one sugar or two?
Garfield: (with his mouth full) Decisions, decisions, decisions! Do I have to do EVERYTHING around here? Two! (Jon scoops two spoonfuls of sugar into Garfield’s full mouth and then leaves)
Feet[]
(Garfield stands on the table, looking angry. He looks at and rubs his tummy)
Garfield: Jon’s had me on this diet forever. (His eyes grow wide. He looks down) I hate it. (He shakes his head, surprised) I…hey, (he looks down again) what’s going on? (He stands on tiptoe) What’s…? AAAAHHHHHH! AAAAHHHHHH! (He runs and leaps into Jon’s arms, still looking down anxiously)
Jon: Garfield, what’s wrong?
Garfield: AAAAHHHHH! (He starts kicking his feet) AAAAAAHHHHH!
Jon: (while patting Garfield’s head) Something wrong with your feet?
Garfield: AAH-! (He stops kicking and suddenly calms down) Oh, those are feet? (He smiles and turns to Jon, relieved) Oh, hey, (He looks down and points at his feet) and I’ll bet these wiggly (He wiggles his toes) things on the ends are toes, (He stops wiggling his toes and turns to Jon) right? (Jon just looks exasperated)
Interview[]
(Jon stands at a podium and grabs at his collar, nervous)
Jon: Ahem, I am honored to address this assembly of the United Nations and th-th-the millions of you watching on live television. Uh, my name is Jon Arbuckle and I can’t get a date to save my life. Also I would like to mention that I have forgotten to wear pants. (He steps out from behind the podium, revealing his red boxers with yellow polka dots)
Crowd: Laughs
(The camera switches to Jon in bed. The whole thing was a dream)
Jon: WHOA! (His sudden jolt knocks Garfield off the bed. He grabs his head) Garfield, I just had a terrible nightmare! (His cat appears from behind the bed)
Garfield: (shaking his head) Not the one about (He climbs higher, using Jon’s knee as support) the rubber pizzas, again.
Phone[]
(The phone rings. Garfield answers it first before Jon can)
Garfield: Meow. (He waves his paw in the air) Meow. Meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow. Here, it’s for you. (He hands it to Jon)
Jon: Ahem. Uh…meow? (He shrugs)
Dog Whistle[]
(Garfield walks up to a sleeping dog in a doghouse)
Garfield: Ahem, this is a dog (He pulls out a whistle) and this is a dog whistle. Observe. (He takes a deep breath and blows into it. No noise is heard, but the dog leaps up in surprise and then flops on his stomach) It emits a sound that can be heard only by lower life forms, such as dogs. (He pulls out a trumpet) Now THIS is a dog trumpet…
Stop![]
(Garfield peeks over the edge of the table and leaps onto it. Odie smells and eats his food. Garfield grins evilly and rubs his paws together. He takes a running stance and charges forward, swiping Odie’s food…)
Odie: Huh? (and then Jon’s)
Garfield: You can’t stop what you don’t see! (He is not watching where he is going and slams face first into the wall) This wall for example…
Sneeze[]
(Garfield is seated on the floor)
Garfield: Sniff! Sniff! (He wiggles his nose, about to sneeze. Odie walks up behind him) Sniff sniff! Ah-ah-ah-AH-AH-AH-AH… (He takes a deep breath, but holds his sneeze in. He takes Odie’s nose and switches it with his own)
Odie: CHOO! (He flops onto the floor)
Take a Walk (While Sleeping...)[]
(Garfield lies on his back in bed, sleeping)
Garfield: Snore! (Jon walks up)
Jon: It’s a beautiful day, Garfield! (He picks up his cat and carries him) Let’s go for a walk! (He runs outside, tossing Garfield and catching him) It’s a great day to romp in the yard like this! And for climbing a tree! (He does this and sets a still sleeping Garfield onto a limb) Race ya home! (They go back inside and close the door) How exhilarating! We should do this every day! (He puts Garfield back and takes off. Garfield wakes up)
Garfield: Woo! I just dreamed I was Fay-Wray in the clutches of King Kong!
Two Self[]
(Garfield sleeps in front of a mirror)
Garfield: Snore! (His reflection looks at him) Snore! (He wakes up) Huh? Yawn! (He gets up, scratches his tummy, and looks at himself in the mirror as he walks past. His reflection looks at him, causing Garfield to freeze and glance back at the mirror. He looks at the audience) Ever have a day when you’re not sure which side of the looking glass you’re on? (He leaves)