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Transcript

(soft music)

Jon: Really, Liz? A new cat disease? What's it called?

Liz: Well, I just got the report here at the clinic. It's called the Hawaiian Cat Flu.

Jon: Hawaiian Cat Flu? Well, I'm not worried. Garfield never gets sick.

Garfield: (singing luau music) Hawaii.

Liz: (on the phone) Jon, did you hear me? Jon?

(scene changes to animal hospital)

Jon: I'm not sure, but Garfield just might have the Hawaiian Cat Flu.

Liz: One hundred and one degrees.

Jon: A hundred and one? That's a fever!

Liz: No, that's normal for Garfield.

Garfield: That's the temperature of microwave lasagna.

Liz: Just give him the medicine I'll prescribe, and whatever you do, don't mention....(inaudible whispering)

Jon: Don't mention Hawaii?

Garfield: (sings Hawaiian music)

Liz: (whispering) Every time you mention anything Hawaiian, he'll react like that.

Jon: Really?

Garfield: (breathing heavily)

Jon: You mean he's going to start dancing every time I mention Hawaii?

Garfield: (singing luau music)

Liz: Take him home and give him this.

Jon: Either that or plan a luau.

(scene changes back to Garfield's house)

Jon: You have to take it, Garfield. You start dancing every time I mention...that place...or anything from that place.

Garfield: You're being more ridiculous than usual, which is pretty ridiculous.

Jon: Macadamia nuts.

Garfield: (singing Hawaiian music) (breathes heavily)

Jon: Now will you take your medicine? (on the phone) He refuses to take it, Liz. I--

Odie: (barking)

Jon: I'll call you back, Liz.

(shirt ripping)

Jon: Odie, look what you've done! You've ruined my best Hawaiian shirt!

Garfield: (singing Hawaiian music)

Jon: Let's see. One cup of flour, two eggs, one can of pineapple....

Garfield: (singing) luau music)

Jon: (sighs) Poor Garfield. Dancing like that every time someone says, "Honolulu."

(rhythmic Hawaiian music)

Jon: If Garfield doesn't take his medicine....

Silly Animal Stunts Host: On tomorrow night's show, we'll be featuring silly animal stunts. So if your pet does something silly, you could win one thousand dollars.

Jon: A cat that does the hula! That's pretty silly! Isn't it, Odie?

Odie: (barks)

Jon: I'll get Garfield on that show, and then I can just kiss all my financial worries aloha!

(Hawaiian music)

(scene changes to WBOR-TV)

Receptionist: Could we have the next applicant for silly animal stunts?

Man #1: He tap dances to old Wayne Newton records while knitting a sweater.

Receptionist: Oh, not another tap-dancing knitting octopus act.

(jazzy music playing)

Receptionist: All right, next! What does he do?

Polly: (squawks) Polly does impressions. Polly does impressions. (whistles) (squawks) (Bill Cosby voice) Ha-ha! Hey, man. This is really cool. Give me a cracker, man.... (laughs) (sings like Pee-wee Herman) (laughs) Jack Nicholson voice) Let me have a cracker, pal, or I won't be responsible.... (Bob Hope voice) Hey, how about these feathers, huh? Aren't they something? Hey, I want to tell you....(Clint Eastwood voice) Go ahead. Make my cage....(Mr. T voice) I pity the fool! I pity the fool who don't give me a cracker 'cause I need a cracker! (panting in normal voice) Well, what do you think? (whistles)

Receptionist: Needs work. (to Jon who walks up) And what does your cat do?

Jon: Oh, he has a very silly talent. He dances whenever he hears...uh (inaudible whispering)

Receptionist: Oh, that's silly. Oh, that's the silliest one I've heard all day. He's on the show. Be back here tonight.

Garfield: Me? On T.V.? Well, it took them long enough to discover my natural talents.

(scene changes back to Garfield's house)

Jon: (humming) I'm gonna be rich, yes, sir. I'm gonna be rich.

Garfield: Jon thinks he's going to make a fortune. Well, if I'm going to be on T.V., I'd better be in my best health...which means taking this medicine. (takes a spoonful and swallows it) YEEEEEECH!

Jon: Come on, Garfield. They're waiting for us at the studio.

Garfield: My public awaits. I hope I don't have to sign autographs. Mainly 'cause cats can't write.

(scene changes to WBOR-TV)

(dog barking to "Camptown Races")

Garfield: Maybe I should have brought a film clip. I wonder what they expect me to do?

Polly: (squawks) (Garfield voice) I wonder what they expect me to do? (whistles)

(applause)

Silly Animal Stunts Host: Thank you. Wasn't that just silly? Well, our last contestant, I'm told, is one of the silliest acts we've ever had.

Jon: Come on, Garfield. We're on.

Silly Animal Stunts Host: Would you please welcome Mr. Jon Arbuckle, and his cat, Garfield.

Garfield: Next time, I get first billing.

Silly Animal Stunts Host: Well, Mr. Arbuckle, what exactly is it that Garfield does?

Jon: He dances the hula every time someone mentions, "Hawaii."

Garfield: I do not!

Jon: Did you hear me, Garfield? I said, "Hawaii."

(audience laughing)

Jon: No, honest. He dances the hula. He must be nervous. (to Garfield) Hawaii, Garfield! Honolulu! Surfboards! Ukeleles! Don Ho!

(audience laughing)

Garfield: Me? Dance the hula on T.V.? I have my dignity.

Jon: Garfield, please. Hawaii! Maui! Cane sugar! "Book him, Danno!" Pineapples! Volcanoes! (to the audience) He really does! He dances the hula...like this! (sings luau music)

(audience laughing and clapping)

Jon: He did! He danced the hula!

Silly Animal Stunts Host: (laughing) Congratulations! This is the silliest act we've ever had on the show! You win the thousand dollars!

Jon: I do?

(audience cheering and applauding)

Garfield: How do you like that? I get him on the show and he gets the money.

(scene changes back to Garfield's house)

Jon: I guess he's all cured, Liz. Garfield's all over the Hawaiian Cat Flu.

Liz: Great. But you'd better keep him inside. There's another one going around...The Alaskan Cat Flu.

Jon: Alaskan Cat Flu? How will I know if Garfield comes down with that?

(Odie barks as a crack is whipped)

Garfield: Mush, Odie. Mush, you husky. Mush.

Liz: (on the phone) Jon? Are you there? I'll explain about the Alaskan Cat Flu.

Jon: (sighs) Never mind.

(Jon puts phone receiver down)

(episode ends)

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