The following is a list of memorable quotes from Garfield.
- "Big fat hairy deal."
- "Nice touch."
- "I hate Mondays."
- "Who ever [phrase] should be dragged out into the street and shot."
- "We're bachelors, baby."
- "Feed me."
- "Eat your heart out, [person]."
- "I'm not overweight. I'm undertall."
- "I'm not known for my compassion."
- "I love lasagna."
- "Diet is 'die' but with a t."
- "Christmas: It's not the giving. It's not the getting. It's the loving."
- "It's not that I dislike you, I just don't like you near me."
- "Show me a good mouser and I'll show you a cat with bad breath."
- "Yeah Brick, don't hurt them!"
- "I've got to do something."
- "Trust me, you don't want to know."
- "Momma? Umm... I don't know, Penelope..."
- "Be still my beating heart."
- "Actually, he's the cuddly, silent type."
- "When I want in, I want in now!"
- "I hate birthdays."
- "Love me, feed me, never leave me."
- ”Good morning? GOOD MORNING?! Jon, it’s Monday! Monday is the armpit of the week! It‘s like a black hole in the calendar that just sucks all the joy out of your entire being!”
- ’’You didn’t see that, okay?’’
- ”I know where you live!”
- ”WELL THANKS FOR NOTHING!”
- ”Hello, little hot dogs… wow…”
- ”Try turkey.”
- “I don’t do perky.”
- ”Oh yeah, that’s beautiful…”
- ”Whup! Um… did you hear something?”
- ”He‘s sorry, sorry, sorry…”
- “Would you pass the ketchup?”
- "This show is K-rated. No adults unless accompanied by a kid."
- ”Hey, what do you know? I guess every cloud DOES have a silver lining.”
- ”Hey Heathcliff, eat your heart out!”
- “That is one of the most beautiful sights that I’ve ever seen!”
- ”The Real World! That’s the change I need!”
- "You folks have this confused. I’M real, and YOU’RE animated.”
- ”SEE YOU IN THE FUNNY PAPERS, ODIE!”
- "Hi, there. I'm Garfield. I'm a cat, and this is my cartoonist, Jon.