[The episode begins at Jon Arbuckle's house as the camera zooms in]
Jon: [Off-screen] Let's see, uh, add one cup of whipped cream... [Scene shows him reading a cookbook] I'm all outta whipped cream, so I'll add mayonnaise. [Puts some in the bowl] It's the same color.
[Scene cuts to Odie tosses a bone in the air, as Garfield enters frame]
Garfield: [To the viewer] Odie's playing in front of the recliner. Watch this. [He jumps onto the recliner, causing the lower seat to go up and kick Odie across the room] I hate to brag, but it took a brilliant mind to figure that gag out.
[Odie is on the floor dizzy. He gets up and dusts himself off, then angrily walks up to Garfield. He kicks the recliner back into place, launching Garfield across the room. He laughs silently as Jon comes in with a bowl of brown sludge]
Jon: Garfield, come and get it. [Places bowl down; Garfield lands in it, causing the sludge to get on him. He picks Garfield up] Take your time.
[Garfield eats the sludge, clearly disgusted by it]
Jon: It's peanut butter and fish-head stew with pickles on the side and optional chocolate sauce.
Garfield: Thank goodness. I thought for a minute there it might be food. [Jon sets him down as Odie starts licking him] Not now. Odie, no! Not now! [Ties up Odie's tongue in a knot] I warned ya.
Jon: [Picks Garfield up] I had enough of this. You're going to stay outside while I cook.
Garfield: Good. I hate being around acts of cruelty. [Jon drops him outside and walks back in] Okay, Jon. I'll give ya one more chance to apolo-- [The door shuts on him, giving him a flat face]...gize.
[Scene cuts to Garfield walking away, upset]
Garfield: I don't have to put up with this. There're plenty of people who would love to have a cat. Especially one as adorable as me. A trick to this is adopting the patented cute kitty look. [Ruffles his hair to appear more cute.] Pretty disgusting, I know, but it works.
[He flutters his eyelashes as multiple people walk by him, ignoring him]
Garfield: [Reverts back] Don't you people know adorable when ya see it? [Begins walking away]
Girl: Aww, look at that adorable kitty. [Picks Garfield up] Don't-cha have anyone to take care of you, wittle kitty.
Garfield: [Nods no]
Girl: [Starts walking away with Garfield] Well I'm gonna take you home and make you nice and comfy.
Garfield: "Nice and comfy." Hear that, guys? It's about time.
[Odie watches him out the window, whimpering. Scene cuts back to Garfield]
Girl: Does-um, kitty-witty wanna take a nappy-wappy?
Garfield: Kitty-witty is getting sicky-wicky. I'm beginning to think this was a big mistake. What kinda house am I gonna wind up living in?
Girl: There's your new home, kitty. [Points to a mansion, which Garfield is awestruck by] This is just our weekend home. We usually live in a bigger place.
Garfield: Bigger place? Whatzit called? Texas? [He runs inside and straight to the kitchen] Now this is luxury. [Steps on a handle. The fridge opens, which contains a lot of food inside] Wow. A refrigerator with its own zip code. [Sheds a tear] It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life.
Girl: You must be hungry, wittle kitty. [Picks him up] We'll get you some nice, yummy food! [Walks away]
Garfield: Oh, I like the way she thinks.
[Scene transitions to a massive dining room, as we see Garfield at the end of the table, looking through binoculars]
Garfield: No sign of food yet.
Girl: [Off-screen] Here comes dinner!
Garfield: It'll be filet mignon. No, bigger. A whole rib roast. No, bigger still. [The girl sets his meal down] Maybe they'll just barbecue a cow, a herd of cattle. [She opens the lid, revealing greenish-blue slop. Garfield, reasonably, is upset] And what, may I ask, is this?
Girl: This is a special health food for kitties, [Shoves a spoonful in his mouth] marcobiotic soy-by products with wheat germ.
Garfield: [Swallows it and gags]
Girl: I'm glad you like it, kitty. I'll get you a bigger bowlful. [Walks away]
Garfield: [Rolls down to the floor, then comes from under the table] Real food. I must have real food. [He sneaks into the kitchen and gets a bunch of food] I thought I'd have something light. I don't wanna ruin my appetite for dinner. [He leaves]
Girl: Kitty cat! [A crash is heard off-screen. We then see that the dining room is a mess now, and the girl is holding Garfield in her hands] Now if you'd ate all that, you'd get a tummy ache, [Walks away] and we wouldn't want that, would we? It's time for your nappy, anyway.
[Scene transitions to the bedroom. The girl has Garfield dressed up as a baby, and is tucking him in bed]
Girl: Now we'll tuck you in nice and neat.
Garfield: [To the viewer] Hey, I didn't laugh when your parents dressed you like this. [The girls places him in a baby bed] Well, at least things can't get any worse. [The girl then starts rocking him]
Girl: [Singing off-key] Rock-a-bye kitty, on the treetop. When the wind blows, the cradle will rock. When the valve breaks, the cradle will fall. And down will the kitty, whiskers and all. Rock-a-bye kitty, on the treetop. When the wind blows, the cra--
Garfield: [While she sings] I was wrong, this is worse. [Covers his ears. Then, using his claw, he cuts a hole in the bottom of the bed, which he escapes through. He rushes to the door, then briefly speaks to the audience] An excellent example of cruelty to animals.
[He runs away and is now seen running across the hallway]
Garfield: Anyone who sings like that should be drugged out to the street and shot. Or worse, make them listen to a tape of themselves. [Slides across the stairs] This is kinda fun. It's--[Sees a statue of cupid at the end, with its arrow pointing right at him] Uh-oh. [Uses his claws to stop himself. He manages to stop, just inches from the arrow. He then collapses] I'm safe.
Girl: [Off-screen] Oh, there you are, kitty!
Garfield: I'm not safe.
Girl: [Picks him up] Oh, are you bored? You wanna play.
[Scene cuts to outside]
Girl: Well, I'll let you play with Boopsie.
Garfield: "Boopsie"?
Girl: [Takes him to a doghouse] Boopsie is the cutest puppy in the whole world.
Garfield: A puppy, huh? Oughta be a cinch after Odie. [Knocks on the doghouse] Oh, Boopsie. Come on out. [A large dog pokes through. Garfield freezes for a moment before looking at the viewer] This is a Boopsie? [Boopsie gets closer] Easy. Easy, big fella.
Boopsie: [Growls]
Garfield: [Runs off] Back off! [Boopsie chases after him] Uh!
Girl: Oh, look how nice they play. They're friends already.
[Garfield climbs up a wall as Boopsie grabs his baby outfit]
Garfield: Hey! Get down! Easy!
[Boopsie tears off his outfit, causing Garfield to fall down the other side. Garfield then makes a run for it as the scene cuts to Boopsie eating the cloth]
Girl: That's the eighth kitty cat we lost this week.
Boopsie: [Counts with his fingers]
Girl: [Pats him] Okay, if you say so. Nine. [She and Boopsie walk away]
[Scene transition to Jon and Odie lying in the recliner, both upset]
Jon: [Sighs] Maybe we were a little rough on Garfield.
Odie: [Whimpers as he nods in agreement]
Jon: [Walks to the door] I better tell 'im all is forgiven. [Opens the door and walks outside] Oh, Garfield! Gar--[Garfield lunges at his face]...field. [Grabs him off his face]
Garfield: There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's...
Jon: [Walks back inside] Look who's back, Odie?
Odie: [Barks and licks Garfield's face]
Garfield: No, Odie, don't! [Loosens up] Aaaah, y'know, I kinda missed it.
Jon: [Hands him some pancakes] And to show you how glad we are to have you back, Garfield, I whipped up my mousse-flavored pancakes in tomato and anchovy syrup.
Garfield: [Walks to the closet, and comes back with some suitcases] I think I'll take my chances with Boopsie. [Walks out the door]
[Jon and Odie look at each other in confusion as the screen fades to black, ending the episode]