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Flat Tired/Transcript

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Transcript

  • [Light snoring is heard. The camera pans from the living room recliner over to a small magenta box on the ground, housing a strange lump covered by a blue sheet. In front of that is a compact TV set, plugged into an offscreen outlet. The lump moves up and down.]
  • Male voice: [offscreen] Garfield? Uh…Garfield?
  • [From under the sheet emerges a pair of bloodshot eyes surrounded by striped orange fur—the aforementioned Garfield]
  • Garfield: Oh, it's the director. What do you want?
  • Director: [sounding impatient] We're waiting for the cartoon to start?
  • Garfield: Good. Let me know how it turns out. [disappears back under the blanket]
  • Director: Garfield?!
  • Garfield: [flies out of bed with a start, directly up and out of frame] Yikes!
  • [the blanket floats back down into Garfield's bed]
  • Director: Camera three, pan over and find him.
  • Garfield: I'm up here! [the camera pans up to reveal the cat hanging by the chandelier by one hind paw] Well, now we know where Nermal learned that trick.
  • Director: [sardonically] Sorry to disturb you, but we need to get this cartoon going!
  • Garfield: First of all, I'm too tired. Whoa! [loses his grip on the chandelier and crashes back into bed upside-down] Secondly, I am injured!
  • Director: Garfield, if you're not willing to perform, we'll just have to find someone else for this cartoon.
  • Garfield: Knock yourself out.
  • [The cat yawns, stretches, and curls up into a ball to go back to sleep.]
  • Director: [giving up] All right, fine. Have it your way. We'll get someone else. Now, who can we get?
  • [A dog pops into frame. It's Odie.]
  • Odie: Ahem?
  • Director: We'll need someone who can act.
  • [Odie grins and rushes off. When he returns, he is dressed in Shakespearean garb and carrying a skull, performing the famous soliloquy from Hamlet.]
  • Odie: [in Odie-ese] To be, or not to be, or not to be?
  • Director: And it would be nice if they were musical. [Odie runs off and soft-shoes back into frame in a top hat and tails] And of course, they have to be funny.
  • Odie: [rips off the suit and makes a goofy face at the camera] Blahhh!
  • Director: I know who we can get!
  • Odie: Hahhh!
  • Director: Get me Kermit the Frog on the phone!
  • [As far as Odie knows, his name isn't Kermit. His ears droop and he lowers his head to the ground.]
  • Odie: Neeyaaawwww! [mutters]
  • Director: I'm kidding, Odie. You want the job?
  • Odie: [rejuvenated] Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! [pants]
  • Director: Okay, let's start this one over. Roll tape. Stand by with the title card. [Odie starts running around excitedly] In three, two, one, action!
  • [Fade to black, then to a title card which reads "ODIE (with a paw print in the O) IN 'A WITCH IN TIME'." Below that is an image of Odie riding a broom. The cartoon then starts proper. Odie trots along a park sidewalk humming the "Friends are There" theme song from the show, and ahead of him is an old woman in green with a long nose and a chin to match, carrying a red handbag. A pink change purse with teal flowers falls out of her shirt pocket and onto the sidewalk.]
  • Odie: [stops humming, gasps] Hmm.
  • [He stops in front of the change purse and picks it up in his mouth. He catches up with the woman as she waits at a corner to cross the street and skids to a stop beside her, whining to get her attention. Garfield watches the cartoon on his bedside TV as it is presumably broadcast live.]
  • Garfield: Boy, what an exciting cartoon so far.
  • [He smiles, but then yawns and goes back to sleep, so he was probably being sarcastic. We go back to the cartoon.]
  • Old Woman: Land's sake! I dropped my purse and you brought it back to me, little doggy. [she takes back her purse and pats the beagle on the head. Odie beams with pride] Oh, you're a nice little doggy, you are.
  • Odie: Mm-hmm!
  • Old Woman: Come back to my house with me. I'll reward you with a nice, juicy steak!
  • [back to Garfield]
  • Garfield: It's dangerous to accept invitations from strangers. Someone would have to be pretty stupid to say "yes". [smirks] Odie'll go with her.
  • [back to the cartoon]
  • Old Woman: What do you say?
  • Odie: Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! [pants]
  • [back to Garfield]
  • Garfield: Told ya.
  • [In the cartoon, Odie walks off with the kindly old woman. After all, a steak's a steak.]
  • Old Woman: Right this way, little doggy.
  • Garfield: This is about as exciting as watching cheese age. I’m gonna change the channel and see what else is on. [The channel changes to an old western. A cowboy shoots a pistol at nothing in particular and turns backward on his horse to fire at other nothings in particular.] Seen this already. [the channel changes again]
  • Binky the Clown: HEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, KIIIIDS!!!
  • Garfield: I'm not that desperate. [the channel changes a third time to what seems to be a black-and-white musical with two men dancing] Hm, educational program. [channel changes back to the cartoon] Oh, well, might as well watch this and see what happens.
  • [In the cartoon, Odie and the old woman cross a bridge to a wonky indigo two-story house perched on a cliff surrounded by dead trees.]
  • Old Woman: Here we are, doggy, home. Now, you make yourself at home while I change.
  • [She holds the front door open for him as he enters her pillared, vaulted foyer, and then walks away. Odie isn't smiling anymore. Something is wrong. He can tell because of the foreboding background music.]
  • Garfield: She'll probably turn out to be a wicked old witch or somethin'.
  • [The woman has her back to the camera as she changes. She quickly turns around to reveal her new outfit. It's a witch's outfit. She's a witch.]
  • Witch: [cackles evilly] Eeeheheheheheheheheheh!
  • Garfield: Hey, can I call 'em, or what?
  • [Odie backs away, whimpering in terror. The witch follows him, leaning over his body and causing him to contort into a strange shape that resembles a coffee table.]
  • Witch: I hate little doggies! So, I'll turn you into a toad! [Odie's cel jitters] No, worse, a snake! No, even worse! I'll turn you into the most unspeakable, disgusting creature in the world!
  • Garfield: She's gonna turn Odie into a top 40 disc jockey! Oh, well. It's not my cartoon; it's not my problem. [goes back to sleep again; in the cartoon, Odie turns and makes a run for it]
  • Witch: Where are you going, puppy?!
  • Odie: Aroooo!
  • Witch: Don't you know you can't get away from me?!
  • [Odie runs through a doorway, only for the witch to already be in there and chase him back out. He rushes down a hallway, his shadow on the wall looking like that of a giraffe, and turns a corner, finding a knight's suit of armor on a pedestal and a portrait on the wall of some hippie-looking guy. He looks around, but doesn't see the witch. He is about to hide somewhere when the knight grabs him and picks him up.]
  • Odie: Daaawwooo!
  • [The knight opens its helmet with its free hand, revealing it was the witch all along.]
  • Witch: Now, then, what shall I turn you into?
  • [Thinking fast, the dog pulls out a photo of himself.]
  • Odie: Hm?
  • [The witch carries Odie away, the knight's armor gradually sliding off behind her as she goes.]
  • Witch: Hee-hee-hee! That's too easy! I'm going to turn you into a gerbil.
  • Odie: Huh??
  • Witch: It's like a hamster.
  • Odie: Ohh.
  • [She sets him down on a table and waves her magic wand. In a puff of smoke, Odie is instantly transformed into a gerbil—basically still Odie, but smaller and with a different tail and ears. He whines pathetically as the witch lowers a cage over him.]
  • Witch: I know. You're thinking, "What could be worse than being a gerbil?"
  • Gerbil!Odie: Uhmmm…
  • Witch: [placing a baguette on the table] A gerbil sandwich!
  • Gerbil!Odie: Aaah! Noooo! [panics]
  • Garfield: [switching off the TV before we can see Gerbil!Odie's death by mastication] Well, so much for the pup. He probably thought it would be fun to have his own cartoon. [rolls over and tries to go back to sleep]
  • Director: Garfield?
  • Garfield: Go away. I'm not in this episode.
  • Director: Garfield, aren't you going to do anything?
  • Garfield: Yeah. I'm going to do something. [rolls onto his back and snores, then seems to have a second thought] Oh, all right. [gets out of bed and leaves] I'd better get guest star money for this, though.
  • [In the cartoon, Gerbil!Odie watches helplessly from his cage as the witch layers ingredients on the sandwich, preparing the meal that will be his demise.]
  • Witch: Mustard… lettuce… tomato… [places an entire green onion lengthwise on the sandwich] onion…

(TBD)

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