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"Halt! Officer Odie orders you to stop and help!"
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(Open on the beach, where Liz is vacationing and talking with Jon on the phone)
Liz: So I’ll be back in a few days. Thanks for taking care of Mrs. Ferret for me, Jon.
Jon: (While pulling a meatloaf out of the oven and setting it on the counter to cool) Oh, glad to do it, but thanks for reminding me. I haven’t fed her since this morning.
Liz: Oh, if she has to wait a little while. It isn’t a crisis.
Jon: It is if she starts eating Garfield’s food.
Liz: Oh, right.
(In the living room, Garfield and Odie are watching TV. Garfield is eating cookies when Mrs. Ferret starts running circles up Garfield’s chair)
Mrs. Ferret: Hiya guys! What’s on TV? Ooh, those freshly baked cookies look delicious!
Garfield: Touch one, and the next thing around here that will be freshly baked will be ferret pie.
Jon: (walks into the living room with a bowl of kibble) Here you go, Mrs. Ferret. A nice tasty bowl of ferret kibble. (Mrs. Ferret speeds after him. Jon, a bit panicked, turns back into the kitchen and sets the food bowl on the floor. As she eats, Jon returns to the living room) Oh, Garfield, I just made a meatloaf for you. It’s out in the kitchen.
Garfield: You mean I have to go all the way out there to get it? Sigh (He gets off the chair and walks with Odie to the kitchen) Well I guess I can do with a little exercise.
Odie: Right.
Garfield: Gee, almost sounds like food. (he takes the tray) C’mon Odie! Let’s go enjoy the meatloaf. I’ll eat, you smell.
Odie: Growls slightly
Mrs. Ferret: Meatloaf? I have no idea what that is, but it’s gotta be better than this. (As the cat and dog return to their chair, Mrs. Ferret spins around both of them very rapidly, devouring the meatloaf as she does so)
Garfield: Odie, did you get the license number of that tornado?
Odie: Whimpers
Garfield: (realizing his meatloaf is gone) My meatloaf! Grrrr!
Mrs. Ferret: (Chuckling) This is a lot better than ferret food!
Garfield: (angrily) You ate someone else's food! Who do you think you are, me?
Mrs. Ferret: Oh, we ferrets are so hyperactive, we tear up all the food we can eat, unlike certain cats I could name. (she pokes Garfield’s tummy)
Garfield: I’m not fat! I just have very thick fur.
Mrs. Ferret: I’m never gonna eat ferret food again!
Garfield: I can’t blame her for that. But I can blame her for EATING MY MEATLOAF! (he walks over to the fridge) Fortunately, I always keep leftover chow mein for just such an occasion. See? (he pulls out a tray with a Chinese box for the audience to see. Mrs. Ferret eyes the food, leaps through the air, spins around the tray, and engulfs the food, box and all before Garfield can react) I’m surprised she left the plate! (she takes the plate from Garfield’s hand) Spoken too soon. Okay, I didn’t want to resort to this, but she’s left me no choice!
Odie: Huh? Mutters
Garfield: Odie, Mrs. Ferret has forced me to take drastic action. (he walks to the other side of the kitchen and approaches a button with a picture of pizza next to it.)
Odie: Grunts questioningly
Garfield: You’ve never seen this before? The sign says, “In case of pizza emergency press button”. (he presses the button. After this, a satellite dish opens from on the roof, sends a blue signal to a satellite in space, which is received by another dish similar to Garfield’s but instead is on Vito’s pizzeria.)
Vito: (to a couple of customers) Here we are! Vito’s linguini, for you all! Piping hot and so delicious! (a red light with Garfield’s picture underneath it flashes and a siren goes off) The Garfield alert! I’m a-coming! I’m a-coming! (Vito drives up to Garfield’s house, pizza in hand. Garfield waits outside to meet him) Here you are! Here you are! Here is Vito with your pizza! (He hands it to Garfield, who opens the box)
Garfield: Aww, no pepperoni. (He walks back into the house, with Odie trotting along beside him) Well, in an emergency you have to settle for what you can get. The wrong pizza’s still better than no pizza. (As he says this, Mrs. Ferret comes from out of nowhere and steals the pizza from Garfield’s paw. The fat cat screams, and Mrs. Ferret feasts)
Mrs. Ferret: (after devouring the whole pizza) Delicious. But it would’ve been so much better with pepperoni.
Garfield: Why I outta… (before he can do anything, Squeak walks up to him)
Squeak: I know just how you feel, Garf. You know that cheese I had stored up? Well, I don’t have it any more.
Garfield: She got your cheese?
Squeak: She even ate the limburger.
Odie: (gagging) Blech!
Squeak: You need to work on your speed. Beat her at her own game.
Garfield: The mouse is right. She’s fast. If I want to get anything to eat around here, I need to be faster.
Squeak: And I know just the guy who can teach you. Tomorrow morning, at the park, crack of dawn.
Garfield: The crack of dawn?!
(The next morning, Garfield, Odie, and Squeak, all wearing headbands, meet their surprise trainer at the park. Garfield and Odie are also wearing wristbands. The camera is pointed at the sky before panning down to the animals)
Garfield: (Offscreen) I woke up at 6 AM for NERMAL?!?! (Now onscreen) And since when are you a fitness coach?
Nermal: As the four-time winner of the “Healthiest Feline Pageant”, I happen to know a thing or two about keeping in shape! Squeak says you need to be able to outrun someone. Well, do as I tell ya, if you want something bad enough, it’ll happen.
Garfield: I’ve tried that and it doesn’t work. You’re still here. (He points at Nermal)
Nermal: (clears throat) If you ever want to eat again, try this: (Nermal starts touching his toes. Squeak does the same thing nearby.) One, two! One, two! (The screen focuses on Garfield) Touch your toes, Garfield!
Garfield: (Slightly taken aback, he looks down toward his feet) Touch them? Scoff I can’t even see them. (He turns to Odie) Hey Odie! Touch my toes for me. (Garfield points to and wiggles his toes)
(Odie looks down at Garfield’s wiggly toes and then looks back up at him)
Odie: Mutters and nods (He starts touching the Tubby Tabby's toes)
Garfield: (Addressing Odie while the fat cat keeps his toes up) One, two! One, two! One, two! (By this time, Nermal notices Garfield’s shortcut. The former stops his exercise and glares at Garfield, who addresses him) I don’t see why this is supposed to make you healthier. (To Odie) One, two, one, two, one, two…
Nermal: (toward Garfield) Scowls angrily
(Nermal then leads the trio running on the path through the park. While Odie and Squeak manage to keep pace, Garfield lags behind)
Nermal: One, two! One, two! One, two! (They pause in front of a boulder. Garfield catches up with the kitten, pup, and mouse.) See that big boulder over there? I want you to run up there!
Garfield: Give me one good reason why I should.
Nermal: I put three chocolate-flavored energy bars on top of there.
Garfield: (excitedly) Oh, three good reasons!
Nermal: First one who reaches the boulder gets to eat ‘em! On the count of three! (All four of them take up a running formation) One… two… three! (Nermal barely gets halfway there before Mrs. Ferret zooms by) Ahhh! (Nermal spins in midair before crashing on his face) Hey, what just happened?
Garfield: Mrs. Ferret just happened.
Mrs. Ferret: (while polishing off the energy bars) Mmm… Oh, those are even better than pizza!
Nermal: Is that who you’re trying to get faster than?
Garfield: Yep.
Nermal: Whoo! Forget it! It'll never happen! (He leaves)
Garfield: I hate when Nermal's right.
Odie: Oh, aw...
Garfield: OK, time to try something else!
(Back at the house, Garfield sits on a chair and has equipped a pair of roller blades and a helmet. Odie watches as his friend reads the instructions)
Odie: Pants Bark!
Garfield: Let's see... "For better speed, lubricate the wheels of the roller blades before every use. A drop or two will do just fine". (He tosses the instructions, which land on Odie's face)
Odie: Oh!
Garfield: I'm competing with a super-fast ferret here. Better use the whole bottle. (He greases up his wheels with the bottle of lubricant)
Jon: Garfield! Odie! Lunch is ready!
Garfield: Lunch?! (He wiggles his fingers) Let's roll! (He jumps off the chair, only to instantly lose his balance and zoom forward into a corner, where he crashes into something. Whoa! Whoa! (He zips the other direction and crashes into something else) Yipe! (Odie starts covering his eyes with his ears, only peaking out occasionally as Garfield slams into more furniture and objects, screaming and "Whoa"ing all the way. He finally circles the end table and Odie, before tripping over a lamp he knocked over, abruptly stopping his trail of destruction but leaving the cat a bit woozy)
Jon: (Walking in from the kitchen, lasagna in hand) Is everything OK? AAHHH! (He notices the chaos, including a pile of books on the floor, spilled popcorn, several chairs knocked over, and an upset lamp. Odie looks up at Jon, still hiding behind his ears, and the culprit tries to defend himself)
Garfield: I can explain!
Jon: I baked your favorite lasagna, (Mrs. Ferret walks in and gives Garfield a condescending look) but on second thought I think I'll split it between Mrs. Ferret, Odie, and myself.
Garfield: Whimpers No... (Jon, Odie, and Mrs. Ferret return to the kitchen to enjoy lunch. Before she enters, though, Mrs. Ferret wags her finger at Garfield, as if to say "Not today". Garfield, angered by this, points at her) You just wait! (She closes the kitchen door)
(Outside in the backyard, Garfield wears a strap-on jet pack with a helmet and goggles)
Garfield: Behold, Odie! With this jet pack, I'll leave that ferret in the dust!
Odie: (concerned) Gasp! Mutters (He can already tell this is going to go haywire, and the pup covers his eyes again to not see his friend in trouble)
Mrs. Ferret: (running up) Nice outfit. What does it do?
Garfield: (Chuckles) You'll see soon enough.
Jon: Garfield! Odie! Dinner is ready!
(Mrs. Ferret charges into the kitchen in no time flat. Garfield presses a button on the jet pack and it ignites. Odie, still standing in front of him, covers his eyes again. He peeks out, and to his surprise, the jet pack is working as intended. He is happy for Garfield, and the fat cat flies into the kitchen and gives chase to Mrs. Ferret, who tries running off with the pizza. Garfield laughs as he chases her through the kitchen, garage, and the entry hall, where he steals the pizza back. He waves the pizza in front of the shocked ferret and flies into the kitchen)
Garfield: Food! I actually got food! (But, just as Odie suspected, the jet pack starts malfunctioning. It spins the fat cat around the kitchen, slams him into the ceiling, floor, and cabinets, and spins him through the living room and hallway. He screams and panics as the machine takes him away, and Mrs. Ferret had to leap to avoid the flying feline. He is carried upstairs into Jon's office, where the cartoonist is working at his desk) Mayday! Mayday! (Jon notices his cat about to fly into him, and gasps) Houston, we have a problem! (Jon and Garfield scream as the jet pack finally stops and drops Garfield on Jon's lap. Jon scowls, and Garfield laughs nervously before Jon launches him up the chimney via the jet pack. As he flies, he loses grip of the pizza--which he held throughout the flight through the house--and falls on his head next to a nearby pond) Could've been a lot worse. (The pizza he dropped lands in the pond, and the famished feline watches it sink to the bottom) Gasp! Nooooo...
(Later, a depressed Garfield watches some TV. Squeak is on his right and Odie stands next to the chair on the left)
Squeak: (from inside the house) Face it, Garfield, she's just too fast for you.
Garfield: You're right. Oh well, eating was nice while it lasted.
Odie: Ohhh..... mutters sadly
Squeak: Well, at least you'll get skinny, like that gal on TV. (He refers to an advertisement that is showing on the TV at that moment)
Saleswoman: Hi. That's me, back when I was thin and skinny. (She shows a picture of herself then) Everyone made fun of me. Now, thanks to Phil's Fast Fat Formula, I've gained 296 pounds! (The advertisement shows the woman now, and how much she has changed since trying the formula. Garfield is suddenly full of interest in the product) And no one ever makes fun of me!
Male announcer: That's Phil's Fast Fat Formula! (The anti-weight loss program appears on screen, along with the number to call)
Garfield: (Standing up in the chair) That's the answer! (He chuckles evilly and runs out the door) If I can't speed me up, I'll slow her down! (He runs into the store and approaches the cashier)
Cashier: Boy, if I ever had a customer who didn't need this.
Garfield: Knock off the snide remarks and sell me the stuff!
(Back at home, Jon pulls another lasagna out of the oven. He hums to himself, and the phone rings. He sets the lasagna on the counter to go answer the phone)
Jon: Hello? (With Jon distracted, the pets swoop in and dump two whole boxes of Phil's Fast Fat Formula into the lasagna) No, I don't want to buy a grass hut in the Illusion Islands, thank you. (The pets hop down before Jon notices. Humming, he grabs the food) This should be ready in no time! (He takes it to the table, where his cat and dog--along with Squeak--hide waiting for their prey) Garfield! Odie! Dinner's ready! (He sets the lasagna on the table)
(Mrs. Ferret zips up to the table and begins devouring the food)
Mrs. Ferret: Oh, this is so.... good! (she notices Garfield, Odie, and Squeak standing on the other side of the table) Hi guys! Isn't it too bad there isn't enough for...
Garfield: (interrupting) Oh, there will be. (He has an evil look on his face)
Mrs. Ferret: any of you! (Just then, the formula kicks in. Garfield chuckles as Mrs. Ferret takes on the shape of a bowling pin with arms and legs)
Jon: And when you're done, here are some brownies I made for dessert! (He sets a tray of brownies on the table. Mrs. Ferret tries to reach them, but is unable to)
Garfield: Aw, you're too fat and slow to reach them, Mrs. Ferret. Too bad. (She continues to try to reach for them, but her rotund shape makes it nearly impossible to lean in any direction) I have this one, and this one and this one, and here's one for you, Odie, (who eats it) and one for you, Squeak. (who simple holds the treat. By this time, Mrs. Ferret is exhausted from trying to reach the brownies. Garfield continues to eat them in front of her) And this one, and this one...
(Later that day...)
Liz: (Grunting from inside Jon's house) Thanks for taking care of Mrs. Ferret while I was away, Jon.
Jon: Oh, we're glad to have her over any time.
Liz: But she seems to have put on too many pounds while she was here to fit into the pet transport cage. (Garfield, who was standing next to Jon, laughs at Mrs. Ferret's problem)
(Later, Garfield and Odie are sitting at the table enjoying some lunch. Odie eats some dog food from his pink bowl, and Garfield chows down on lasagna)
Garfield: You know, Odie, leftovers may be my favorite food... (he pauses to eat) in the world.
Odie: Yeah. (he mutters in agreement)
Squeak: (running up to Garfield on the table) Looks like you got rid of Mrs. Ferret for a while. What'cha eatin'?
Garfield: Mmm... leftovers. You may have some if there are any leftover leftovers. (A thought suddenly hits the mouse)
Squeak: Oh, hey, you know that lasagna you put that Fast Fat Formula into?
Garfield: Yes, pre-tell?
Squeak: Well, Mrs. Ferret never finished it, so Jon put it in the container in the refrigerator. (His voice gets higher and higher as he says this, as if he is getting more and more nervous)
Garfield: Oh, that's good. Jon always says... (Just then, his stomach rumbles. Odie barks in concern as Garfield enlarges just like Mrs. Ferret did)
Squeak: Garfield! What are you gonna do?
Garfield: (in a deep voice) This is too fat, even for me! What am I gonna do?
Nermal: (from seemingly out of nowhere) You're gonna exercise, Garfield! And I'm just the personal trainer who can help ya! (he turns around and starts to run off)
Garfield: (in a deep voice) You can help me, Nermal! You can help me do my favorite exercise!
Nermal: (turning to face the fatter cat) Oh, what's that, Garfield?
(Nermel then runs out the front door. Garfield bounces after him like a person on an exercise ball)
Nermal: AAAHH! You leave me alone, Garfield!
Garfield: (in a deep voice) You're gonna be so sorry! (Squeak and Odie appear in the front door)
Squeak: You know, if Garfield chases Nermal every time Nermal annoys him, he's gonna lose that weight in no time!
Odie: Right! Bark! Bark!
Nermal: (now running down the street, with Garfield still following) AH! Stop! Don't sit on me! Help! Help! (Garfield chuckles as he bounces, and the episode comes to an end)
THE END