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Transcript

(The episode opens above Jon’s house. As a sparrow flies overhead and a man passes, Garfield is inside watching TV)

Woman: That’s right, Victoria, (Cut to inside. Garfield is pressing the remote control to change the station, more and more quickly and repeatedly, but it seems to have broken) we were switched at birth from the hospital.

Garfield: O-DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! (He waves his arms frantically. The pup slides up to him, next to the TV)

Odie: Ta-da! (He strikes a pose with his tongue hanging out)

Garfield: Remote control emergency! (He tosses the remote behind him. Odie’s tail stops wagging and he puts his paws on his hips and glances at the TV) Will you please change the channel before I get severe brain rot?

Odie: Pants Hm? (He thinks for a second and then stands in front of the TV) Pants (He turns the wrong knob)

Garfield: No, that’s the VOLUME, Odie! (The puppy looks behind him at his fat feline friend)

Odie: (quietly) Huh?

Garfield: (with his paws on his hips) Did you forget everything I taught you? It’s the button (He points) on your LEFT!

Odie: Right! (Now remembering, Odie switches the channel)

Garfield: Oh, (He facepalms) first the soap opera, now a talk show.

Odie: Pants (He wags his tail and goes to switch the station again, but Garfield stops him before he can)

Garfield: No wait, (He points) that’s Sir Leo! (Sir Leo’s Agent is dressed in extravagant clothes, as if she just got out of a dressing room in Hollywood)

Sir Leo’s Agent: (continuing) …under a great deal of stress lately. Ever since he broke up with Paw Li, the paparazzi have been harassing him. (The Flabby Tabby and big-hearted beagle watch with wide eyes)

Talk Show Host: Paw Li is the Siamese supermodel turned actress…

Garfield: Sigh…

Odie: Moan…

Talk Show Host: (continuing) who co-stars alongside Sir Leo in his latest movie, Cat on a Hot Bin Lid. (Odie looks at Garfield, who leans back in his chair) The movie has gotten rave reviews, (Cut back to the agent and the Talk Show Host) but it hasn’t done so well in the box office.

Sir Leo’s Agent: (while shaking her head) No, and that’s been a huge disappointment to Sir Leo. (She puts her hands together palm to palm) He hoped his celebrity status would bring this arthouse film (Odie watches with wide eyes. Garfield glares) the success of his previous blockbuster. (Odie puts his paws on his head, seemingly done with this station)

Garfield: Scoff! (Odie looks at him) Some people have REAL problems! My remote control doesn’t work, and am I complaining? No. Turn it off, will ya, Odie? (The pup obeys, probably more than happy to cease this program)

Odie: Bark! (He hears the screeching of tires outside) Huh? (Jon and Liz emerge from the car. Garfield and Odie look out the window and watch. Jon wears a trench coat and hat and Liz has a dress, high heels, and a wrap covering her head. Both of them wear sunglasses, and Liz carries something covered in a white sheet. They are both acting very secretively, as when they hear a car pass, they duck behind a fence. The pets look at each other) Whine (Jon enters first, and Liz speed walks after him. She shuts the door with her back)

Jon and Liz: Relieved sigh! (The pets walk up)

Jon: I don’t think anybody saw us.

Garfield: No one except the entire neighborhood. (He points) You look like you just robbed a bank.

(In the living room, the mysterious covered object is on the couch. Odie stands on the arm of the couch and rests his front paws on the object. Jon looks out the window, Liz is seated in one of the chairs, and Garfield stands next to the couch)

Odie: Pants

Garfield: What are you hiding (He points at the covered object. Jon turns around) under there? Plutonium? An alien specimen? (He waves his paws ferociously. The box rattles) It’s moving!

Odie: Pants

Garfield: (leaping onto the couch) Uh, Jon, please tell me that’s a (He points) live lobster in there. (A British-accented voice can be heard from inside the box)

Sir Leo: Hello? I’m beginning to feel a little crowded, I mind.

Garfield: (tapping his chin) An ARTICULATE live lobster? (He lifts the sheet to reveal another cat that looks exactly like him. This cat blinks, but Garfield is not amused) You cloned me! I have a copyright on that, you know.

Jon: Garfield, Odie, this is Sir Leo. (He lets Leo out of his cage)

Garfield: Doh! (He and Sir Leo are exact copycats of each other. Odie peers at them from the floor)

Odie: Huh? (Garfield and Sir Leo mimic each other’s actions, just like a living mirror. Odie looks at both of them, and it’s a bit too much for his brain to comprehend) Whimpers (His eyes spin for a moment)

Jon: He’s going to be staying with us for a little while. (The cat celebrity puts a pair of sunglasses on his face) He’s in need of a vacation.

Sir Leo: Chuckles (He points and grins)

Garfield: Sir Leo? Here? Well this isn’t exactly the French Riviera.

Jon: Liz is Sir Leo’s vet. She thought our house would be a quiet place for him to get away from the paparazzi, and recover from his nervous breakdown. (Liz steps over to stroke Leo’s face)

Liz: That’s right. You’ll be safe here.

Garfield: The only danger is being BORED to death.

Odie: Bark! (He walks over to the copycats) Grrrr! Bark! (He gives the Flabby Tabby a friendly lick) Slurp!

Garfield: And Odie’s saliva. (Odie welcomes Sir Leo the same way)

Odie: Slurp! (Jon looks at them)

Garfield: So what’s with the nervous breakdown? I thought you movie stars have it pretty easy.

Sir Leo: Oh, not quite. (Odie walks up to him and sniffs, his tail wagging excitedly) I was thrown into show business when I was just a kitten.

Odie: Pants

Sir Leo: (continuing) I never lived the life of an ordinary cat. (Odie gives him another lick)

Odie: Slurp! (Leo winces as he gets slurped) Pants

Garfield: Well c’mon, then, I’ll show you around, (He holds his finger up) but don’t expect any special celebrity treatment! Hungry?

Sir Leo: Famished! (He rubs his tummy with both paws)

(In the kitchen, Garfield dumps a blue striped bowl of fish sticks into his mouth. Odie watches from the floor next to him)

Garfield: Laughs (Sir Leo taps his finger on the table, not touching the plate of fish sticks in front of him) Burp! (Leo is appalled by the Tubby Tabby’s lack of table manners)

Sir Leo: (holding his finger up) If I may, (He grabs a fish stick and holds it toward Garfield) what exactly ARE these?

Garfield: Uhh, fish sticks? (He swipes the stick from Leo’s paw and pops it into his mouth) Chewing noises

Sir Leo: Hmm, I'm not sure my nutritionist would approve. (Odie walks over to Leo’s right side)

Garfield: Man, movie stars have it rough. (He slides the bowl out of the way) I’ll eat them if you don’t. Laughs (He raises his paw to grab them, but Leo pulls the plate away from him, giving him a paw full of table) Grunt! (Leo sets the plate back on the table and gives the sticks a whiff)

Sir Leo: Sniffs (He grabs one and nervously takes a bite) Mm, hey, not bad. (He makes the OK symbol with his paw when suddenly, he hears something that causes him to freeze)

Paparazzi: (from outside) Sir Leo! (Garfield looks around for the source of the noise) Sir Leo!

Sir Leo: They’re here!

Garfield: Who’s here?

Sir Leo: Them! The fans! The paparazzi! (He grabs his head and shakes it)

(Outside, fans have gathered in the front yard, and even the TV station has caught wind. Two TV vans roll up to get some more sightings of the famous feline)

Paparazzi: Sir Leo! Sir Leo! Sir Leo! (Garfield looks out of the window at the crowd)

Garfield: Whimper (He closes the shades and turns to Leo) Oh, it’s a sea of people out there. (He points outside with his thumb) How did they find you?

Sir Leo: Sigh. they always do. I guess it’s back to the fast lane for me. (He lowers his shades over his eyes. Garfield has an idea to help)

Garfield: Or maybe not. (He hops down from the box he used to see through the window) I could pretend to be you. (He points) I mean, I'm practically identical, right? (Leo lifts his shades and looks at the Tubby Tabby’s tummy. He gives Garfield a questioning look and puts his paw on his hip. Garfield reads his body language and interjects) OK, OK, so I uh, (He rubs his stomach) I got a head start on the fish sticks… but no one will notice a difference. (He grabs the shades from Leo’s forehead. Sir Leo shares his approval)

Sir Leo: Go get ‘em, tiger! (He points outside with his thumb) I owe you one. (He points at Garfield, who promptly goes outside to meet “his” adoring fans)

Crowd: Cheers (They snap pictures of Garfield, nearly blinding him with camera flashes, but he decides to soak up that attention)

Garfield: Chuckles (He grins and points to the fans, several of whom hold papers out to get his autograph) Wha? (And inkpad is provided for him to imprint the paper, which he does, soon becoming overwhelmed)

Crowd: (chanting) Sir Leo! Sir Leo! Sir Leo! (Inside, Odie runs up to the door)

Odie: Pants (Leo presses his ear to the door, and the pup does the same. Garfield quickly gets crowded by grabbing hands and slips through the pet door back inside. Odie and Leo walk backwards away from him)

Garfield: Pants Why can’t they ever resist the need to… (Before he can finish, a fan grabs him by the leg. He grabs Odie and both pets are yanked outside)

Odie: Bark! (Leo listens to the chanting crowd, who toss Garfield and Odie like beach balls)

Garfield: Whimpers Wha-?

(Inside, Leo pours a snack into his mouth while watching some TV)

TV: Today, celebrity cat Sir Leo (The mention of his name gets the celebrity’s attention. Garfield and Odie are shown on TV) spent an entire day signing autographs (Cut to Odie, who is pushing the Flabby Tabby toward the living room) and posing with fans.

Sir Leo: Hey Garfield, hurry up! We’re on TV!

Garfield: Laughs (He takes off, leaving Odie leaning on nothing)

Odie: Huh? (He falls flat on his stomach. Both pets then join Sir Leo in front of the TV)

TV: Unlike his recent public appearances, Sir Leo was in top form. (He stands with a little girl, and then strikes some more poses for the viewing audience) Our crew got the exclusive footage.

Sir Leo: Brilliant! (Garfield lifts his borrowed shades in disbelief. Odie looks at him, who grins right back. Leo points at his doppelganger) You make a better Sir Leo than I do. (He puts his paw on his belly)

Garfield: So… when do I get to ride in the limo? (He points outside)

Sir Leo: Chuckles (He grins maliciously. Garfield races outside and into the limo, slamming the door behind him. He drives off) Have fun, (Cut to Leo, who is in the window waving the Tubby Tabby good-bye) Garfield. Yawn! I think I'll go to bed. (He disappears from the window)

(Garfield rides through the big city with his agent beside him)

Sir Leo’s Agent: Hmm… when you get home, I’ll have Jean-Louis put you on that papaya diet again. (Garfield’s ear twitches)

Garfield: (pointing up) I don’t think I like Jean-Louis, whoever he is. (His toes slightly wiggle)

Sir Leo’s Agent: Anyway, I hate to make you work during your vacation meal, (She shakes her head) but I COULDN'T pass up a TV commercial!

Garfield: Sounds fun! How much work could, uh, that possibly be?

(Cut to the studio where the cat food commercial shoot is taking place. The clapper guy closes the clapper starting the next take)

Clapper Guy: Scene 3, take 5.

Director: And… ACTION! (An actress in the commercial hands Garfield–who is now standing on all fours, and dressed in a collar, wristbands, and a bow tie–a plate of cat food. Romantic music plays over the commercial)

Actress: Catviar puts the “Cat” in “caviar”

Garfield: Meow!

Director: Cut! (The music stops abruptly) Yes, um, Sir Leo that was good, but let’s try that “Meow” again. (Garfield looks back at the food and the next take begins)

Clapper Guy: Scene 3, take 6. (The clapper closes, and Garfield poses)

Director: And… ACTION!

Garfield: (raising his paw) Meee-ow!

Director: CUT! Good. Uhh, why don’t we try it a little more… suave this time?

Garfield: (exasperatedly) Sigh…

Clapper Guy: Scene 3, take 7.

Garfield: (suavely) Meeeee-ow. (This process repeats itself, skipping over numbers for the sake of time, thank goodness)

Clapper Guy: Scene 3, take 25. (The Flabby Tabby hangs his head)

Garfield: (tired) Meow…

Clapper Guy: Scene 3, take 57. (Garfield now stands aggressively, ready to strike)

Garfield: Grr! Meow!

Clapper Guy: Scene 2, take 74. (Yes, this has gone on for so long the Clapper Guy forgot what scene it was. Garfield has clearly had enough, as he is lying on his stomach looking exhausted)

Director: Well, I guess that’s a wrap. (Garfield and Leo’s Agent hit the streets yet again, attracting more chanting fans outside of Jim’s bookstore)

Sir Leo’s Agent: To the movie theater, James. Step on it! (She waves her hand in a “Shoo shoo” motion) We’re late for the premiere!

Garfield: (pointing at the agent) I’m warning you, there’d better be popcorn!

(They have arrived at the theater, and are surrounded by fans, all chanting “Sir Leo!” like always. The Tubby Tabby takes a moment to soak up some more attention)

Garfield: Chuckles Laughs (He points at the crowd and they all enter the theater)

Woman in the Movie: It’s the deverminator! (Garfield pops some popcorn into his mouth and wiggles his toes)

Deverminator: Hasta la vista, vermin!

(By the time Garfield returns home, it is daybreak, of the ensuing day. A rooster crows as the tired tabby walks up the sidewalk and through his pet door)

Garfield: Sigh… (His eyes are red and bleary from the lack of sleep. He trudges upstairs, onto his dresser, and slumps into his bed, next to where the real Sir Leo is sleeping. However, before he can catch any Z’s, he hears a familiar sound outside the house)

Crowd: (chanting) Sir Leo! Sir Leo! (The fat cat opens his tired eyes. Just like yesterday, a crowd has gathered in the front yard. Garfield finally realizes the benefits of solitude and covers the sides of his head)

Garfield: NO! It’s not me you want! It’s him! (He gestures to Leo, who is still sleeping on a dark yellow cushion beside him) Leo, wake up! (He taps Leo’s side and waves his paw at him. Leo opens his eyes and turns to Garfield, who puts the shades back on Leo’s forehead. The celebrity’s smile immediately fades and he glares) Your fans! (He points outside) They’re outside! They want you! (Leo gets up and glares at Garfield)

Sir Leo: No, (He takes the sunglasses off…) they want YOU! (and sticks them back on Garfield’s forehead, who looks at them and takes them back off)

Garfield: Oh no no no no no no no. Here, (He sticks them back on Leo’s head) I'm not cut out for this celebrity stuff! I want MY life back!

Sir Leo: Hey, who wanted to ride in the limo? Who said celebrities (He gets sarcasm and mockery in his voice) had it easy? (He shakes his head back and forth mockingly) The fans, the paparazzi, (He takes off the glasses) they’re YOUR problems now.

Garfield: Alright, then, they’re gonna get a taste of the REAL me! Or him, (He gestures to Leo) or me, or, oh you know what I mean.

(He exits the house, and receives more applause from the masses)

Crowd: Cheers and applause (At first, Garfield–with a mug of coffee in hand, does nothing. He then sets his coffee down and sticks his tongue out at everyone) Gasp! (He points at everyone…) Gasp! (and gives them all a thumbs-down. Boos rain down from the crowd, but a little girl still wants an autograph) Sir Leo! (Garfield is all too happy to oblige. He puts one finger on an inkpad and draws a terrible drawing of the girl) Sir Leo! Sir Leo!

Garfield: Laughs (He makes the peace sign with his other paw as the girl takes the paper back)

Little Girl: Cries

(Garfield’s next tactic is to hit a tied and gagged Odie with a cream pie. The pup is on a trash can prepared to get a face full of cream. Garfield’s aim is spot-on and Odie’s face is coated with cream)

Odie: Yowl!

Crowd: Poor dog! Overlapping chatter

(Unfortunately for him, Garfield’s attempts to become unpopular have had the opposite effect, as he is still on TV, even after creaming Odie in the face)

Sir Leo: Laughs Brilliant! Priceless! We’re on every channel!

Garfield: (angrily) Oooh! (He storms up to Leo, who is in the chair watching TV grinning)

Sir Leo: Thank you, my friend, you’ve just brought me a lot of free publicity!

Garfield: (shocked) Gasp!

Sir Leo: (continuing) Woo hoo! (The Tubby Tabby, however, refuses to quit)

Garfield: Yeah, we’ll see who gets the last laugh. (He points at Leo) Meow!

(He goes back outside to meet his fans, but this time with a better plan)

Crowd: Cheers

Garfield: Laughs (At first, he seems to like the crowd, bowing, pointing and smiling at them, but then Squeak runs up between Garfield’s legs and stands in front of the people)

Crowd: Gross! Gasp! (The crowd is shocked to see their favorite celebrity cat likes mice. Garfield then pulls out a remote. Two mice push speakers on either side of him and two more emerge from the pet door. He presses a button on the remote and the six of them, Garfield and the five mice, begin dancing on the porch: moonwalking, shaking their hips, all in perfect sync)

Garfield: Laughs (Many more mice join Squeak and the others. Squeak then gives them the signal)

Squeak: ATTAAAAAAAAAACK! (They charge at the crowd, who flees in terror. Even the TV network’s vans drive away)

Crowd: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! (Garfield watches them run)

Garfield: Humans, (Squeak runs up to him) so predictable. Here’s your paycheck, Squeak. (He gestures toward the garage. Squeak turns and sees a pile of cheese for him and his buddies. Odie adds another large block for good measure)

Odie: Strains Grunt! (Naturally, the mice are thrilled)

Mice: Cheer

(Back inside, Sir Leo watches the news channel. Garfield’s stunt has become the hottest topic)

Anchorman: Today, Sir Leo fans (The camera slowly zooms out) discovered a different side of their favorite celebrity. Unlike his popular “Deverminator” character, it turns out the star (Cut to Leo) is a rodent enthusiast!

Sir Leo: Gasp! (He leans forward, horrified. The TV then shows the mice attacking the fans and media)

Anchorman: The autograph session ended abruptly when a swarm of mice attacked fans and reporters forcing them to flee. (Garfield walks up to Leo) Could this be the end of Sir Leo’s career?

Sir Leo: Gasp! Me? A rodent lover? (He grabs his head. Garfield leans against the chair) I could never show my face in Hollywood again!

Garfield: You mean MY face. You stole my life, (He points his thumb at himself) remember? (Sir Leo grabs the sunglasses from Garfield’s forehead and puts them on)

Sir Leo: Well you can have it back! (Garfield smiles) Anything! Just help me (He points at the TV) get out of this mess! (The Flabby Tabby’s smile fades, seemingly sorry for Sir Leo)

(The TV then shows the Talk Show Host interviewing Sir Leo and his agent)

Talk Show Host: So you’re telling us that wasn’t the REAL Sir Leo? The whole thing was a hoax? A publicity stunt? (Leo sits with his agent)

Sir Leo’s Agent: Yes. That's right. Sir Leo DESPERATELY needed a vacation so we hired a look-alike to impersonate him for a few days.

Talk Show Host: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Sir Leo’s belching, pie-throwing look-alike! (Leo hops off the chair)

Sir Leo: Snickers (He points. Garfield, who is wearing identical shades to Sir Leo’s, joins him on screen. The two of them fist bump and wave at the audience, Leo’s reputation is saved. The whole time, Garfield was on the chair watching it, glad to have his quiet life back. He wiggles his toes and kisses the remote)

Garfield: Kiss! Kiss! Who needs fame when you can be the star of your own house? (He changes the channel and finds the cat food commercial he starred in)

Actress: Because every cat deserves luxury. Catviar puts the “Cat” in “caviar”. (The TV camera focuses on Garfield)

Garfield: (on TV) Meowwww.

Garfield: (watching from his chair) Wha? (His toes wiggle again) I do all the work and he gets all the glory! And a paycheck. (He points up) Life is so unfair. (He then hears Jon calling for him)

Jon: Garfield! Dinner!

Garfield: But I'm not complaining! (He grins) Snickers (With everything back to normal, the curtain drops on this episode here)


THE END