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Transcript

(the episode starts in the early morning hours at the farm; the camera pans from the sunrise to Roy's coop where Roy is sleeping; Roy's CD player hits 6:00 a.m., and a CD starts playing)

(The sound of a rooster crowing on Roy's CD player is heard on the loudspeaker all over the farm; Lanolin Lamb is seen waking up)

Lanolin: Morning already?

(Cut to Orson working on the fence as Lanolin grumpily carries a load of laundry)

Orson: (sighs) Morning, Lanolin.

Lanolin: (grumpy) What's so good about it?

Orson: Whoa. Sounds like someone got up on the wrong side of the barn.

Lanolin: It's not fair. I get up and do laundry. You get up and fix the fence to keep the bull penned in. And Roy sleeps till noon!

(quick cut to Roy still fast asleep before going back to Orson and Lanolin running away from the snorting bull)

Orson: You're right. Let's go tell Roy that he has to do his fair share. I'm sure he'll understand.

(scene change to Roy being pulled out of bed by Orson and Lanolin)

Roy: No! Please! Just five more minutes!

Orson: (straining) Get up, Roy!

Lanolin: (straining) And do some work for a change!

(Orson and Lanolin finally get Roy out of bed as he crashes into other things)

Roy: (whining) But I did my morning chore! I woke everyone up at the crack of dawn!

Lanolin: Nah, you mean the timer on your CD player did!

(Orson drags Roy by the legs out of his coop)

Orson: That's right! Every morning it plays that CD of a rooster crowing while you stay in bed! (Orson hands Roy a rake) You're going to rake the leaves.

(Lanolin hands Roy a pair of clippers)

Lanolin: Trim the hedges.

(Orson hands Roy a hand lawn mower)

Orson: Mow the north forty.

(Lanolin hands Roy a bucket)

Lanolin: Milk the cow.

(Orson hands Roy a bucket of red paint and paintbrush)

Orson: Paint the barn.

(Lanolin hands Roy a shovel)

Lanolin: And dig a new well.

(Roy is less than thrilled)

Roy: Oh, is that all?

(Orson begins to hand Roy some tools)

Orson: And then, after breakfast...

Roy: No! No! No! Let me get all this done first!

(Roy runs off with his items as Orson and Lanolin shake hands)

Orson: Mm-hm. That should do it.

(Roy is grumpily seen pulling his lawn mower and carrying his other items)

Roy: Making me do my share of the work. Who do they think they are? If I wanted to work, I'd get a job.

(Roy approaches a smartly dressed rooster in a hat and tie)

Gary: Good morning, sir. You look like a man in need of a kremellahoffen.

Roy: A what?

(The rooster hands Roy his business card)

Gary: Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Gary Krellman. And I'm the owner and merculator of the Famous Double-Talk School.

Roy: I repeat. The what?

Gary: The Famous Double-Talk School. Our handy course can teach anyone to double-talk in only six triffits. With double-talk, you'll be able to answer any question, and no one will be able to disagree with you.

(Roy and Gary pass by a goat trying to read a map; the goat calls to Gary)

Goat: (clears throat) Excuse me. You got any idea how to get to the county fair?

Gary: (to Roy) Allow me to demonstrate. (goes up to the goat and talks to him) Certainly, sir. You just go seven watniks north by northkrelm as you cross Fernman Boulevard. You make a zork and watch for the big neon fooglemyer and you can't miss it.

Goat: Much obliged, sir. (the goat walks off, still confused) "Neon fooglemeyer?"

Gary: (to Roy) See how easy it works?

Roy: I get it. The idea is to say something, but not to say anything!

(Gary takes out a CD as a special offer)

Gary: You bet your fern! And with this special instructional CD, learning to double-talk is easier than falling off a murf. It's guaranteed for seven fermuts or twenty thousand gordniks, whichever comes first.

Roy: Okay.

Gary: And if you're not absolutely favershimmed, just return the program for a full kreeble.

Roy: I'll take it!

(Roy hands Gary the money and Gary hands Roy the CD)

Gary: Fine. Happy korling!

(Gary walks off)

(the scene changes to Roy's coop where Roy inserts his new CD into his CD player)

Roy: (laughing excitedly) This'll be great! (laughs excitedly)

Gary: (on CD) Welcome, and a good murgling to you. This is lesson one of the Famous Double-Talk School. Now the first rule is to relax, take a deep breath, and let it out through your zorp.

(Roy pops back up confused)

Roy: My what?

Gary: (on CD) Then, in a loud, clear stempus, repeat after me. A bird in the krelm is worth two in the yugger.

Roy: "A bird in the krelm is worth two in the yugger."

Gary: (on CD) Two glerms don't make a vark.

Roy: "Two glerms don't make a vark.

Gary: (on CD) A stich in zurp saves fitzel.

(the scene changes from Roy's coop to Orson looking at Roy's unfinished work and is unhappy)

Orson: Look at this! Roy didn't trim the hedges like he was supposed to! The barn hasn't been painted! The new well isn't dug! What...Oh, there he is.

(Orson sees Roy resting in a hammock and singing to himself; Orson approaches Roy and yells at him)

Orson: Roy!

Roy: (exclaiming)

(Roy's hammock spins around and around, causing him to hit the ground)

Roy: Hey, what's the big idea interrupting my rest period?

Orson: What's the idea not doing any of your chores?

Roy: Oh, them. Didn't you hear, Orse? I had a bad freebling. I had to go to the wukleman and have my creel oblicated.

Orson: (confused) Oh. I'm sorry, Roy. I didn't know.

Roy: I could do my chores, but I might fane my glerman.

Orson: Oh, well, we don't want that to happen. Now, you just rest there, and I'll get Wade to do your chores.

(Orson walks away)

Roy: That's very glibe of you, Orson.

Orson: Poor Roy. It must hurt to...(confused) ...whatever it was.

Roy: (laughing hysterically) What a great skill!

(Lanolin appears out of nowhere)

Lanolin: ROY!!

Roy: (exclaiming)

(Lanolin's shouting causes Roy to fall out of the hammock)

Lanolin: Why hasn't the cow been milked?!

Roy: Cow? Oh, I was going to, but she developed a bad zimfing on the flan.

Lanolin: Oh. We'd better have the vet take a look at her.

(Lanolin walks off)

Roy: And have him check her glinduks! Both of them! (laughs hysterically) This is great!

(the scene changes to the next morning at Roy's coop where Roy is snoring away; the clock on Roy's CD player hits 6:00 a.m. and plays the CD, but this time, it's Gary's CD that's playing over the loudspeaker)

Gary: (on CD) And now, here's lesson two of the Famous Double-Talk School. Repeat after me. Don't count your kreebles before they're flant.

(Orson is half asleep and half awake in his waller.)

Orson: "Don't count your kreebles before they're flant.

(Lanolin is half asleep and half awake in her bed)

Gary: (on CD) Honesty is the best rybofrossback.

Lanolin: "Honesty is the best rybofrossback."

(Gary's CD continues to be heard all over the farm)

Gary: (on CD) A felman saved is a felman earned.

(the scene changes to later in the morning where Roy is getting out his coop and stretching)

Roy: Ah! Oh, what a beautiful day. Wonder if Orson and Lanolin are going to try and get me to do any work today. (giggles)

(Roy goes behind the chicken coop, but is startled to see Orson and Lanolin engage in a strange conversation)

Lanolin: What do you mean it's my zelman to zig? You're supposed to klabersnif at all the gleebular drimms on this prag!

Orson: Don't you kamallahicker to me, freenblatt! I'm the hosfier kablink around here, and don't you fenork it!

Roy: How did they learn to double-talk? And so thoroughly? (Roy comes out of his hiding place and comes to Orson and Lanolin) What's up, guys?

Lanolin: Because of Orson here, the quibbly borggit.

Orson: Excuse me, but I most krebulantly did streen!

Roy: Wait a minute! I need my double-talk dictionary!

(Roy dashes off to his coop and grabs it)

Roy: Quibbly borggit...Quibbly borggit. Aha! Here it is. Ah! Here it is! Quibbly borggit means "The bull is loose."

(Roy sees the bull has wandered out of the pen)

Roy: Hm. How do you like that? The bull is loose. You know, if I didn't have this book, the way they're talking, I never would have known that the...(Roy shakes in fear after what he just said) QUIBBLY BORGGIT!

(Roy is seen running away from the bull as it chases him)

Roy: Help! Help! The bull is loose!

(Lanolin is seen climbing to the top of the chicken coop)

Lanolin: I can tell you what to do, Roy!

Roy: Please, do! Tell me, quick!

Lanolin: Simple! You fokash his wugwump, and clide the entire kleem until he gazorks!

Roy: Hmph! Well, you're a lot of help.

(Roy sees the bull rapidly approaching him with a bell alarm sound effect)

Roy: AAAAAAH!

(But the ram rams into Roy, sending him flying)

Roy: YEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

(Roy crashes into the ground)

Orson: Toro! Toro! Toro!

(Orson is seen holding a red cloth, making the bull angry)

Orson: Toro! Toro! Olé!

(the bull runs into the pen, flying through the red cloth and missing Orson; Orson closes the pen and locks it)

Orson: That ought to hold him.

(Orson and Lanolin rush to Roy)

Lanolin: Roy! Are you okay?

Roy: I think I broke my schmidlap.

Orson: Now, Roy, about your chores...

(Roy quickly gets up)

Roy: I'll do them! I'll do all my chores! I'll get up early and do all of them and never double-talk my way out of them again.

(Roy races off)

Lanolin: Well, looks like Roy's learned his fazzblatt.

Orson: Well, you know what they say:

Orson and Lanolin: Krelm a freem, bork a freem!

Orson and Lanolin laugh and shake hands, just before the screen irises to black; just then, Gary arrives to talk to the viewers)

Gary: (to the viewing audience) By the way, kids, if you want your very own double-talk lessons, just send ten gibbles and a stamped, self-addressed gleebner to Famous Double-Talk School. P.O. Box Two-One Zorf Spee, Seven Brabner, Forffington, Karpelvenia. And don't forget to include your winkzugg. Thank you. That was blutner!

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