(funky jazz music)
(Garfield runs through downtown, over a fence an into an alley)
Garfield: (V.O.) Once upon a time, there was a cat named Garfield. That's me. And I was running from a nasty-looking canine named Rudy.
(Garfield slides down a drainpipe, turns around, and faces Rudy, clenching his fists)
Garfield: (V.O.) That's Rudy. Rudy went to obedience school where he was voted "Most likely to bite someone."
Rudy: Cat, how many times have I warned you about coming around here?
Garfield (counting his fingers) Seventeen.
Rudy: Now, the next time I catch you in my neighborhood, (pokes Garfield in the chest) you know what it's gonna be?
Garfield: Yes. Eighteen.
(Garfield flees the scene)
Rudy: The next time I see you in my neighborhood, cat, you're history!
(Garfield hides in a trash can)
Garfield: (V.O.) Now, Rudy didn't mean "history" like Washington crossing the Delaware or Lincoln inventing the five-dollar bill. He meant history like "the death of Garfield." So I decided, well, maybe I wouldn't go around there anymore.
(Garfield emerges from under the trash can and walks away from the alley)
Garfield: (V.O.) But as I walked home, I paused to wish upon a star. Not that I believe in that stuff, but you know. It's free, and there was no proof it doesn't work. So.... I wished something about teaching that dog a lesson, and then I went home, little realizing that this was...
Female Chorus: (singing) A Garfield Fairy Tale.
(We see Garfield sitting on his chair in his library)
Garfield: Today's story is about me, but it's also about Esmeralda, easily the worst fairy godmother to ever wave a wand. But don't take my word for it. Let's peek in on the National Wish Clearing House. Shall we?
(scene change to National Wish Clearing House)
Mr. Wishnitzsky: Esmeralda, where are you?
(Esmeralda crashes to the ground inside the building next to Mr. Wishnitzsky)
Esmeralda: Fairy godmother Esmeralda at your service, sir.
Mr. Wishnitzsky: Esmeralda, you botched up the Schmidlapp assignment.
Esmeralda: I did not.
Mr. WIshnitzsky: According to this work order, young Joey Schmidlapp wished for a goldfish and a stuffed teddy bear.
Esmeralda: That's what I got him.
Mr. Wishnitzsky: No, you got him a stuffed goldfish and a live teddy bear.
Esmeralda: Well, I was close.
Mr. Wishnitzsky: Esmeralda! I'm demoting you again to wishes from cats and dogs! Here's some wish from a cat named Garfield. If you botch this one up, you're fired!
Esmeralda: (sounding heroic) It will be done! (normal speaking) And now, I will leave by your rear exit.
Mr. WIshnitzsky: We don't have a rear exit!
(Esmeralda crashes through a wall and peeks in again)
Esmeralda: Did you ever wish you had a rear exit?
(Mr. Wishnitzsky hits his face as Esmeralda flies away)
(Esmeralda flies through the night sky to Garfield's house)
Garfield: (V.O.) The fairy godmother, now a fairy cat and dogmother, flew to the house where the handsome cat, that's me, lived to grant my wish.
Esmeralda: (looking through her notes) Oh, I can't find that paper. And I don't remember the cat's name or what he wished for. I'll get fired if I don't grant the wish. But what was it? I know what I'll do: I'll just give everyone who lives here all the wishes they want!
(Esmeralda waves her magic wand as white flashes of light hit the house)
Garfield: (V.O.) And so, we all had all the wishes we could ever wish for. The trouble was, we didn't know about it.
Garfield: (to Odie) Odie, I'm hungry. I wish Jon would hurry up with lunch.
(a flash of light later, and Jon quickly appears, rapidly serving multiple dishes to Garfield and Odie)
Jon: (rapidly) Here's your lunch, guys. I have several kinds of soup for you. And here's some salad. And I made each of you a whole plate of sandwiches. Corned beef on rye, ham on white, roast beef on whole wheat, and tuna fish salad on pumpernickel. And then I have some potato salad, some coleslaw, some hummus, and here's some chocolate cake for dessert. (gasping breathlessly)
Garfield: At last, the service around here is starting to improve.
Odie: (barking happily)
Jon: Supermodel Christie Comely is on another magazine cover. Boy, I wish I could meet her and get a date. (chuckling)
(phone rings and Jon answers it)
Jon: Jon Arbuckle.
Christie Comely: Jon, this is Christie Comely. I want you to meet me tonight and go out on a date.
(Jon's eyes widen with excitement)
Christie Comely: Be at my place at six sharp.
(Jon gasps breathlessly with excitement as he puts a banana on the phone hook)
Jon: I have a date with Christie Comely! How did she....never mind how! I gotta go get ready!
(Jon hurries out of the kitchen)
Garfield: Boy, I wish I had some mustard.
(a container of mustard magically appears)
Garfield: Oh, there's mustard.
(Garfield starts to spread mustard on his slice of bread, but drops it, suddenly starting to realize what's happening)
(scene changes to the bathroom where Jon is singing in the shower)
Jon: (singing) Oh, look away, look away, look away, Dixieland. Oh, I wish I was in Dixieland. Hooray! Hooray!
(Jon is magically transported out of his shower into the middle of the street in Dixieland)
Jon: (singing) In Dixieland, I'll make my stand to live and die in Dixie....
(suddenly realizes people looking at him with hardly any clothes on)
Jon: (singing nervously) Look away. Look away.
Sheriff: Son, you all better have a powerful good explanation for this.
Jon: I don't. I mean, I was home, in my shower. I have a date with Christie Comely.
(the Sheriff and Jon walk away from the crowd)
(Garfield and Odie have just finished eating)
Garfield: Mmm. That was a great lunch. I wish I could eat it all over again.
(the lunch Garfield and Odie just ate magically reappears on the table)
Garfield: Didn't we just eat this lunch?
Garfield: (V.O.) It took a little doing, but I finally figured it out. I tried a test.
Garfield: I wish...for a boxing kangaroo.
(a kangaroo with boxing gloves magically appears, punches Garfield to the floor, and hops away)
Garfield: Boy, my experiment was a success! (to Odie) Odie, we have the power. We can have anything we wish for! Anything!
Garfield: And I know the first thing I want! (V.O.) This is where I was kind of stupid. No, make that extremely stupid. I should have wished for gold and money and an unlimited charge account at Pizza World. But the first thing I thought of was...revenge against that dog.
(Garfield walks out the front door to his house and goes on his mission of revenge)
(Scene changes to Dixieland Police Station)
Officer: All right, son, one more time.
Jon: I'm telling you. I was taking a shower in my home a thousand miles away from here, and suddenly, I was on the street. And...and...oh, just lock me up.
(The officer immediately puts Jon in handcuffs)
Officer: Let's go.
(The officer escorts Jon to his cell)
Jon: (sobbing) I wish I was home in bed.
(Jon is magically transported out of the Dixieland police station where the scene abruptly changes to his house)
Jon: I'm...that is...uh...(screams)
(Jon hides under his blankets as the scene changes to the alley where Garfield is looking for his nemesis)
Garfield: Hey, Rudy? Yoo-hoo!
(Rudy appears and looks mad)
Rudy: You "yoo-hooed?" I warned you what would happen next time I caught--
Garfield: You know, I wish an anvil would fall on you, Rudy.
(a heavy anvil falls on Rudy's head)
(Rudy shakes and gets angrier)
Rudy: Oh, now you're really gonna get it, cat!
Garfield: (insincerely) Aw, I'm sorry. I meant to wish that a half-ton of creamed zucchini would fall on you.
(creamed zucchini falls all over Rudy)
Garfield: (laughs) This is the most fun I've ever had in my life!
(scene changes to National Wish Clearing House)
Esmeralda: I'd better tell Mr. WIshnitzsky that I botched up the cat assignment.
(Esmeralda walks up to Mr. Wishnitsky who's happily watching Garfield and Rudy on a monitor)
Esmeralda: (to Mr. Wishnitsky) Sir, I have to tell you....
Mr. Wishnitzsky: Good job, Esmeralda.
Esmeralda: "Good job?"
Mr. WIshnitzsky: Exactly. The cat wished to teach the dog a lesson, and you arranged for him to do just that. I'm promoting you back to people wishes with a fat raise.
(Esmeralda and Mr. Wishnitsky shake hands)
Esmeralda: Oooh, thank you! (to herself) I did something right! I'm a success! But I have to remember to cancel that spell, giving everybody in the house their wish. (waves her wand) The wish spell is cancelled!
(scene changes back to Garfield and Rudy)
Rudy: Cat, I'm gonna pound you!
Garfield: Oh, yeah? Watch this! I wish a 1963 Studebaker would fall on Rudy.
(Rudy growls and starts to advance)
Garfield: A '61 Edsel?
(Rudy threateningly chomping as he advances on Garfield, who is slowly backing away)
Garfield: Any kind of car? A toy truck? I wish anything would fall on Rudy! I wish something would happen to Rudy! I wish I'd never been born!
(Garfield and Rudy get into a big fight, all the white, both grunting)
(Garfield peeks up over the dust of the fight with his head)
Garfield: I wish I had a first-aid kit!
(Rudy pushes Garfield's head back into the fight as it continues)
Garfield: (V.O.) And so, someone learned a lesson.
(The scene fades to the library where Garfield is still sitting with his right leg in a cast)
Garfield: I'm not entirely sure who learned it or what the lesson was, but, hey, I guess, things turned out okay.
(the boxing kangaroo comes in, punches Garfield and the chair away with a crash, and hops away.)
(Garfield lies on the chair in more pain)
Garfield: This concludes....
Female Chorus: (singing) A Garfield Fairy Tale.
Garfield: (disgusted) Oh, shut up.