Dessert in the Desert/Transcript

Overview

Transcript

Gallery

• [Fade in on a shot of a quiet, empty desert road, on which a small red car can be seen driving past on. The camera cuts to a closer view of the car, revealing it is being driven by none other than Jon Arbuckle, with his pets sitting in the back.]
• Jon: It's about ten more miles to Cactus Jake's dude ranch, guys. Why, you must be really suffering with all that fur, Garfield.
• [In the back seat, Garfield and Odie are comfortably buckled in, enjoying the ride. Garfield is holding a blue snow cone.]
• Garfield: I'm fine as long as my supply of snow cones holds up.
• [Odie starts panting excitedly at the mention of snow cones.]
• Garfield: Hey, Odie, want a lick? [holds his snow cone in front of Odie's face]
• Odie: Yeah! Yeah!
• [Garfield leans over and literally gives Odie a lick]
• Odie: Yeeeeuuuck!!! [disgustedly starts trying to wipe the saliva off the right side of his face]
• Garfield: [smiles to the fourth wall] You have no idea how long I've waited to do that to him.
• [They keep driving.]
• Jon Well, I hope you have enough snow cones for ten more miles, becau[POOOW!!]
• [At that moment, one of the tires blows, the jolt from which causing Garfield's seatbelt to undo itself.]
• Garfield: [standing up and grabbing his chest dramatically, pretending he has been shot] Uck! They got me, Odie! Tell Ma I loved her, and bury me not on the lone prairie.
• [He lies down in the back seat, coughs, and then goes quiet. Odie looks at Garfield in bewilderment the whole time. Jon pulls over on the side of the road.]
• Jon: Garfield, it's just a flat tire!
• Garfield: Boy, you're no fun.
• Jon: [gets out of the car and walks around to the trunk] I hope the spare tire has air in it. Wha...?
• [Opening the trunk, Jon, expecting to find a spare tire, is instead greeted by several boxes' worth of snow cones in assorted flavors.]
• Jon: [unamused] Garfield? [Garfield walks up to Jon with yet another snow cone] You took the spare tire out to make more room for snow cones? Is that it?!
• Garfield: [apathetic to Jon's current vehicular dilemma] Hey, pal, necessities of life.
• Jon: Do you realize what a mistake this is?! [balls fists in rage]
• Garfield: You're right. I should've brought less lemon and more grape!
• Jon: [giving up on scolding his cat] I'm going to walk to that gas station we passed a few miles back. I'll be back as soon as possible. Try and stay out of the sun.
• [Garfield silently watches his owner trudge off in the opposite direction.]
• Garfield: Well, I'd better save my snow cones for later. [he walks back to the car, only to come running back a few seconds later] It's later! [grabs another snow cone]
• [Fade to Jon walking along the road, already hunched over and worn out.]
• Jon: [panting] It's farther than I thought. [wipes the sweat from his forehead and sees a tiny wooden shack in the distance, with two gas pumps out front and a sign on the roof proclaiming, "SELF-SERVICE GAS"] Phew... I made it!
• [The guy at the window is propped up in a chair with his nose in a magazine. Signs above and below the window read "OIL, WATER" and "PAY CASHIER BEFORE PUMPING", respectively. Jon finally makes it up to the window, completely out of breath.]
• Jon: Excuse me—?!
• Seymour: [barely looking up from his magazine, speaking in monotone] Welcome to Seymour's Self-Serve Service Station. You can pump your own gas, check your own oil, and wash your own windshield.
• Jon: [desperately] I have a flat tire!
• Seymour: You can also fix your own flat tire; we don't do that, too.
• Jon: B-b-b-but... b-but my-my cat, my dog—they're out there in the desert, all alone!
• [The camera pans down from the hot sun to Jon's car. The trunk is still open, but it's empty, and cardboard boxes and snow cone cups have been littered about all over the side of the road. Inside the car, Odie whimpers and pants, the heat starting to take its toll on him.]
• Garfield: You know, Odie, in the desert, your eyes can play tricks on ya. You can see things that aren't there.
• Odie: Oh?
• Garfield: Yep—they're called "mirages". Mirages are fantasies in the desert.
• [But Odie has already gotten bored of listening to Garfield's lecture, and instead decides to look out the car window at the nice desert scenery. Suddenly, an in-ground swimming pool appears, complete with a diving board and some picnic tables, much to Odie's delight. Garfield soon becomes interested in Odie's excitement, and tries to look out the window with him.]
• Garfield: What do you see out there, boy? [Odie suddenly leaps out the window, his back legs knocking Garfield down as he does so] Odie? Odie, you cashew-brained canine!
• [Odie doesn't hear him; he's already running as fast as he can towards the pool.]
• Odie: Bark! Arf! Arf! Barf! Bark! Arf! Arf!
• [Garfield jumps out of the car window, flailing his arms around.]
• Garfield: Odie, it's a mirage! There's nothing out there but desert, and more desert, and more...
• [A loud splash is heard, and Garfield watches in disbelief as Odie starts happily backstroking around in the pool.]
• Odie: ♪Laaaaaa-la-laaa-la-laaaa-la...♪
• [Garfield rubs his eyes, but can't unsee the pool, so he just shrugs and goes along with it.]
• Garfield: [running toward the pool on all fours] Hey, sometimes, you don't ask questions.
• [He cannonballs into what turns out to be just a mirage. The pool fades away, and Garfield lands painfully on the hard desert ground. As he tries to knock the dust out of his ears, Odie "swims" by behind him, still deceived by the mirage.]
• Odie: ♪Laaaaaaaa-la-laaaaa-la-laaa—♪ OOF!
• [He snaps out of it as he backstrokes into a rock.]
• Odie: Huh? [gets up, looks disappointed]
• Garfield: [walking up] It was a mirage, Odie; a mirage.
• Odie: [once again, not listening] BAAAAWOOO!!
• [Odie points at something off in the distance and pants ecstatically. Garfield sees it, too— it's a huge amusement park full of carnival tents, ribbons, a carousel, and even a Ferris wheel.]
• Odie: Bark! Arf! Ruff! Barf! Arf! Rarf! [hops off, no longer able to contain his excitement]
• Garfield: Odie, come back! That's another mirage! Odie! Odie!! [starts to chase after him] Odie, you foolish fido! [to fourth wall] Anyone out there want to buy a dog?
• [Odie rushes through the entrance, but Garfield gets tired and stops short of it. A carousel catches his attention, which has white horses with blue manes and pink saddles. Odie is already riding one of the horses, giggling and having the best time of his life. Garfield walks up to it, already looking tired of chasing Odie around. The carousel stops spinning.]
• Garfield: Odie, there is no merry-go-round there...
• Odie: Hunh?
• Garfield: [growing annoyed] No, it's a mirage. No merry-go-round, no horsey.
• Odie: [sadly] Raar barfree?
• Garfield: No horsey.
• Odie: Awwww. [hops off the "horsey", Garfield's stomach fat breaking his fall]
• Garfield: [shoves Odie off him and sits up] Odie, your brains are a mirage. Now let's get walking back to the car; it's that way.
• [He points to his right, but is confused to only find empty desert and a decaying cow skull in that direction.]
• Garfield: [internal gasp, points to his left] Or is it that way?
• [In that direction is just more rocks and cacti. Garfield grits his teeth in horror as he realizes the predicament they are in.]
• Garfield: ...Odie, we’re lost in the desert!!!
• [Odie starts whimpering and looking around in panic. Cut to a green, ten-wheeled tow truck driving down the road. The decal on the driver's door reads "HOMER'S TOW SERVICE". Jon is on the passenger's side, chattering away to the bored, uninterested middle-aged driver.]
• Jon: It's right up ahead. Boy, am I glad you happened along! You're so kiiiind!
• Driver: [rudely ignoring Jon's relief and gratitude and focusing on the road] Gonna cost you plenty...
• Jon: I hope my dog and cat are okay—there it is! [spots his car on the side of the road and points to it] That car there!
• [The driver stops the tow truck next to Jon's abandoned car. Jon jumps out of the truck and eagerly runs up to his car to greet his pets.]
• Jon: Garfield! Odie! I'm back! I found a tow truck and he's... [notices the back seat is empty] Guys? Where'd they go? [looks down and sees a trail of Garfield and Odie prints leading away from the vehicle] They left paw prints in the sand. [runs back to the truck and points them out to the driver] Follow those prints!
• Driver: Gonna cost even more...
• [Jon gets in the truck and they drive off, following the prints. Somewhere else in the desert, Odie and Garfield are wandering around trying to find their way back to the car. Sweat drips from their bodies and Odie is panting harder than ever.]
• Garfield: [flopping on the ground from exhaustion, unable to walk anymore] That's it, Odie. I can't go any farther. This is how it ends, miles from water, miles from civilization, miles from a good Italian restaurant...
• Odie: [suddenly perking up] GASP!!!
• [Odie points to a big, round, colorful building with searchlights and a big vanilla cone with a cherry on top on the roof. Colorful letters on the roof, flanked by red waving flags on each side, spell out the words "ICE CREAM". The sight of this causes Odie to break into a frenzied happy dance.]
• Garfield: [continuing to lie in the sand] I'll never see Jon again... that's sad. Of course, on the other hand... I'll never see Nermal again.
• Odie: [happy dog noises] Nnnnn! Nnnn! Raaaar! Mmmmmmm! Mmmmmnnn!
• Garfield: [finally looks up] It's another mirage. Ignore it.
• [Discontent with Garfield's dismissive attitude, Odie grabs Garfield's arm and tries to drag him to the ice cream parlor with him. Garfield doesn't budge from his spot.]
• Garfield: I know it looks like an ice cream parlor, but it's a mirage. You'll end up with a sand sundae.
• [Odie, refusing to accept the idea that he's seeing another mirage, runs off to the ice cream parlor.]
• Odie: Ruff!
• Garfield: Poor pup... doesn't even realize this is it, the end, [makes throat-slitting motion with finger] finito, that's all, folks. [leaps into the air with shock at the sight of Odie exiting the ice cream parlor sipping a milkshake and holding a quintuple-scoop ice cream cone] Nope. It's a mirage. [Odie takes a few licks from his ice cream cone] I'm not gonna fall for it again. [slowly getting more and more enticed] But it looks so delicious... [grins with desire, then starts jittering, the temptation becoming too much to bear] Mmmmmmmmmmmmm... okay. [to fourth wall] Here comes another mouthful of sand, folks.
• [Garfield dashes off for the ice cream parlor, leaving behind a cartoon streak of dust. He attempts to dive through the entrance... and ends up crashing into the desert sand. The ice cream parlor has vanished.]
• Garfield: Ooh! [gets up] Yep. [sighs] Everything here is a mirage. [he starts morosely wandering around again, head hung] The lakes, the mountains, Jon standing by the tow truck... they even have dumb-looking mirages.
• [The camera pans over to a familiar green tow truck, which Jon is indeed standing next to. It's the tow truck from Homer's Tow Service, and Odie is already sitting cheerfully in the passenger seat. Jon looks very happy to see his cat.]
• Jon: Garfield!
• Garfield: They even have talking mirages... [gasps, then smiles] Jon? [leaps into his owner's arms] Is it really you?
• [Garfield hits Jon in the forehead a couple of times to see if he is real or not, then examines his face. He carefully studies Jon's warm, overjoyed smile, which turns out to be all it takes to convince him that this is indeed Jon.]
• Garfield: It is you! [wraps his body around Jon's face] Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!
• [Jon pulls Garfield off his head. Garfield starts kissing Jon all over, first on his cheek, then on his eyelids, and then starts kissing his chin before Jon stops him.]
• Jon: Garfield, enough! Let's get out of this desert!
• [Wipe to the tow truck driving through the desert, Odie sitting next to the driver and watching the road out the front windshield, and Garfield contentedly leaning against Jon, his arm wrapped snugly around his shoulder. After a while, Garfield sees something out of the corner of his eye and peeks out the window. Off the side of the road are three female cats (one brown, one yellow, and one white wearing blue eyeshadow) dressed in beach lingerie and posing in front of what must be the world's largest lasagna. Garfield sticks his head out the window, his tongue hanging out of his mouth with lust.]
• Garfield: That's the... the second-largest lasagna I've ever seen in my life!
• [Acting on impulse, he jumps out of the moving tow truck. Thankfully, Jon grabs him by the tail and pulls him back in before he hurts himself.]
• Jon: [sternly] No, Garfield. That's just a mirage. [they return to Jon's car and pull over] We're back at the car. Please fix the tire as fast as you can.
• Driver: Gonna cost ya...
• [He steps out of the tow truck. Almost immediately afterwards, Odie and Jon exchange puzzled looks. Wipe to the tow truck driver putting the last screwdriver into his toolbox and closing it. The tire has been repaired. He picks up the toolbox and starts walking back to the truck. Cut to Jon and Odie standing outside the tow truck. Garfield is still inside, watching out the driver's side window.]
• Jon: Looks like we're all set to go!
• [Odie trots off toward the car as Jon lifts Garfield out of the tow truck and starts carrying him to the car. Garfield flails in Jon's grip, struggling to break free and pointing back at the lasagna beach party they passed.]
• Garfield: Let me go. There's lasagna out there, and... women! And LASAGNA!!
• [Odie whines impatiently in the driver's seat as Jon finally makes it back to the car with Garfield.]
• Jon: [placing his cat in the back seat] Garfield, it's a mirage! [returns to the tow truck driver, handing him a stack of cash] Now, here's your money—
• [Suddenly, the tow truck driver disappears into thin air! With no one to hold it, the money succumbs to gravity and floats gently down to the ground. Jon can't believe his eyes.]
• Jon: ...he was a mirage! But... we got here, and the tire's fixed, and—
• [Before Jon can figure out what just happened, the tow truck fades away, too. Unable to process this, Jon's mind snaps in two.]
• Jon: ...Let's not ask questions. Let's just get out of here.
• [Jon calmly steps backwards to his car. Then, the last of his sanity slipping away, he rapidly opens the car door, scrambles into the driver's seat, gets his arm momentarily caught in the shoulder harness, fires up the engine, and hightails it out of there as quickly as possible, the tires kicking up several big clouds of dust. He drives so fast that his mullet is bent back and distorted by the wind.]
• Garfield: [urgently pointing out the window] But the lasagna oasis!
• Jon: [aggravatedly] That was a mirage, Garfield.
• [The car barrels at top speed down the isolated desert highway, shooting right past the world's second-largest lasagna, with the cat girls still hanging out in front of it.]
• White-furred female cat: [lounging in a blue beach chair, talking to the other two cats] Can you believe that?! He didn't want our lasagna!
• [Fade to black.]