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"We've been working for months on this skyscraper!"
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(The episode opens with a staticy screen. An eerie narrator… narrates)
Narrator: Do not attempt to adjust the picture. (The static disappears. A floating toaster oven in space turns on its side and opens) You are about to enter another dimension. (Hypnotic swirls and clocks are inside the oven, along with an eye that blinks) A dimension of sight and sound (The eye turns into a plate of lasagna) and lasagna. A dimension known as (The lasagna splats into the viewer’s camera) the Garfield zone. (When the lasagna goo gets wiped off, Garfield in centerstage in space. He observes his surroundings)
Garfield: Gasp! Doh! (He addresses the viewers) Uh-oh, (He raises his finger) this looks like it's gonna be one of those real weird episodes. (He shrugs)
(The story begins with a typical day above Jon’s house. A duck flies above, and Garfield is slightly visible in the front window. As the camera zoom in, he is more defined)
Narrator: This unremarkable house in this unremarkable neighborhood belongs to Jon Arbuckle, who is, oddly enough, unremarkable. (A baby bluebird flies overhead) And the somewhat overweight creature is Jon Arbuckle’s cat, Garfield, about to wreak havoc and terror.
Garfield: (to the viewers) Translation: (He holds his finger up) I’m waiting for the mailman! (He gets a sinister look, and his teeth become triangular, which only happens when he’s doing something devious) Laugh (He hears the mail truck and disappears from the window. Herman Post, the mailman, parks in front of Jon’s house and cautiously tiptoes up the sidewalk. Garfield slinks around, hiding behind the fence, and then inside the trash can. He sneaks away as Mr. Post puts Jon’s mail into the box)
Herman Post: Hey! (He cowers, expecting something bad to happen, but nothing does… yet) Sigh. Whew! (He heads back to his van, looking confident that he survived his house of horrors without an incident, when he hears drilling coming from the truck) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Garfield had loosened the nuts and bolts from his tires and three of them were rolling down the street. To top it off, the cat is under the hood throwing various engine parts out of it)
Garfield: You should check your oil more often. (He holds an oil measuring stick in his paw and points at it) You’re down a quart. (Herman zips up to his truck)
Herman Post: I quit! I’m going home! (He pounds his van. Garfield casually walks around it holding a lunchbox and eating a sandwich)
Garfield: Mm. Ah, then you won’t be needing this lunch (He glances at it) you packed, right? (He takes a bite of the sandwich) Mmmm! (To the viewers) Liverwurst!
Herman Post: Whoa! (He passes out)
(Early the next morning, before the sun is even up…)
Narrator: The next morning, fate comes early. (Someone rings the Arbuckle’s doorbell. In the bedroom, Jon and Garfield are sleeping in their respective beds)
Garfield: Arbuckle! Door! (He gestures vaguely with his thumb, refusing to get out of bed. Jon sits up as the ringing continues. He soon gets downstairs and answers the door)
Professor Bonkers: Jon Arbuckle, (Professor Bonkers stands with the Post Office Manager) I am Professor Bonkers, (He raises his finger) head of scientific-type research at postal headquarters. (He points at Jon) You and your cat are to come with us.
Jon: What if we don’t want to? (The answer: carry them out of their house. The Post Office Manager, being a rather large and strong man, carries Jon, while Bonkers handles a sleeping Garfield in his bed with ease) Huh? Huh?!
(Later that morning, in the post office, the four of them are in a dark room)
Professor Bonkers: We brought you here (He points at the floor. Jon taps his cheek) to correct a situation that is intolerable and in need of correction! (He glares at the Tubby Tabby) We cannot have citizens’ PETS (Garfield flinches) terrorizing mailmen!
Garfield: Oh, that. (He catches a whiff of something) Sniff, sniff, sniff! Hey, (He wiggles his fingers) I smell something edible. (He spies a plate of six tacos closeby)
Professor Bonkers: Mr. Arbuckle, you have been selected (Garfield starts picking off the tacos one by one from different angles: the floor, the side, and the other side) to participate in an experiment that will revolutionize mail delivery as we know it! (Garfield eats one of the prized tacos and rubs his tummy, satisfied) Here is the mail that was to be delivered to you this morning. I am going to demolecularize it.
Garfield: Gasp! (He turns around and presses a button on the weird machinery. A beam of light ignites and Jon’s mail vanishes)
Jon: Huh? Hey, my mail! There was a letter (He points to where the mail was) there from my mother!
Garfield: Laughs longingly (He grabs a fourth taco. Bonkers steps to the side and suddenly, a hologram of Herman Post appears in the room, walking toward Jon with his mail) Laugh (Garfield notices the hologram, which causes him to not eat his taco for a moment) Huh?
Herman Post Hologram: Your mail, Mr. Arbuckle. (Garfield slides the taco into his mouth and addresses the viewers)
Garfield: Observe. The proper way for a pet (He holds his finger up) to pester a postman. (Not “The proper pet postman pestering procedure”? Oh well. Garfield gets down on all fours) Meow! Meow, meow! (He bares his claws and leaps at the hologram) Meow! (He glides right through it, surprising him) Wha-? (He looks behind him and then crashes into a pile of boxes) Ooh, that hurt. (He turns around and sits up) Argh! Missed!
Jon: What is that? (He points at the hologram)
Professor Bonkers: From now on, your mail (He points at Jon) will be delivered by a holographic mailman!
Jon: A holographic mailman?
Professor Bonkers: A 3-Dimensional image capable of delivering digitized mail. We had to find a way of protecting our mailmen from creatures such as your cat!
Herman Post Hologram: Chuckle Have a nice day, (He raises his hand to his hat, as if saluting, and leaves) Mr. Arbuckle.
Garfield: I’ve gotta have another run at this! (He leaps at the hologram again) Grunt! (This time, instead of landing in boxes, he lands head first into the machinery) Ouch! Oh this is terrible! What am I gonna do? Gasp! (He holds his finger up) I know what I'll do! I’ll have another taco. (He pops the last taco into his mouth) Chewing noises
Professor Bonkers: Hey!
Garfield: (snarkily) Too late!
Narrator: And so the cat licked the plate clean, (Garfield grabs the plate and licks it clean) but what he didn’t realize was that a tiny drop of taco sauce had dripped off one whisker and fell into the computer master control, (Which is exactly what happens. A drop slips from his mouth, down his tummy, past his ankle, into a small gap in the computer, directly hitting the computer chip, causing it to spark) a drop that would short circuit and reprogram things so the Cyber Mailman would no longer deliver today’s mail. (Garfield sets the plate next to him, satisfied, as everyone watches. The camera cuts to outside) He would begin to deliver TOMORROW’S mail. (The camera pans into the sky. When it pans back down, it’s the next day in Jon’s neighborhood. Several cars drive by, and Herman Post rolls up in his van. Upon seeing Jon’s house, he stops)
Herman Post: Blows raspberry Too bad, cats! Sorry, dogs! You won’t have THIS mailman to kick around anymore, especially this cat! Laughs (He flicks a switch. A satellite projects a beam into Jon’s house)
(Inside, Jon is playing video games on his computer, an FPS where he has to shoot giant chickens on a space station in a Whack-a-Mole type of gameplay. The holographic mailman walks up to him in the game)
Herman Post Hologram: Morning, Mr. Arbuckle.
Jon: Huh? (He is taken aback)
Herman Post Hologram: Your mail. (He hands Jon several letters through the computer screen)
Jon: Oh. Uh, thanks. (He takes the letters)
Herman Post Hologram: Oh, wait, I have your morning newspaper (He hands Jon a newspaper) for ya, too! (Jon takes it)
Jon: Whimper (The hologram pokes his head out from the computer and waves)
Herman Post Hologram: Have a nice day! (He returns inside. The real Herman post brings the satellite back into his van and continues his route. Garfield watches from the window. It’s time for Odie to appear beside Garfield)
Odie: Whimpers (The fat cat looks at the whimpering canine)
Garfield: (pointing outside) He’s out there, Odie, and he’s mocking me! (He clenches his fist angrily. They hear Jon coming down the stairs)
Odie: Huh?
Garfield: Gasp! (They scamper away, Garfield bringing the chair he was standing on to look out the window with him. Jon reads the paper as he descends)
Jon: Hmm, this is odd. (He puts his hand to his chin, thinking) This newspaper I just got has the winning lottery numbers in it. (He looks up at the ceiling, thinking) But I thought the drawing wasn’t until tonight. (He looks back at the paper) Huh. This is even odder, this isn’t today’s date on the newspaper. It’s TOMORROW’S date! (He points at it and looks at the viewers. He leaves for the living room)
Narrator: That afternoon, he bought a ticket. (He buys a lottery ticket at a stand)
Jon: The numbers in the newspaper were 1, (He counts them on his fingers) 7, 23, 30, 40, 41, bonus number 21.
(Later that night, Jon and the pets wait for the winning numbers to be drawn)
Lottery Announcer: And now it’s time for this week’s winning lottery number. (Jon is sitting in the chair, his ticket in his hands. Odie is panting on his left, and Garfield stands on the right) They are as follows: (Odie scratches himself with his hind leg, as dogs tend to do) 1, 7, 23,
Jon: Whimper
Lottery Announcer: (continuing) 30, 40, and 41.
Jon: Laughs (Garfield and Odie lean over to try to get a peek at the ticket)
Lottery Announcer: (continuing) Bonus number 21. (Jon stands up in celebration)
Jon: Ah! I have all the numbers! I’m rich! (He clicks his heels together) I’m filthy rich! (He jumps around, celebrating)
Garfield: Let's say we join him, Odie. (He points at Jon with his thumb)
Odie: OK! (The three of them leap around the living room)
Jon, Garfield, and Odie: Cheer (Jon grabs the newspaper and kisses it)
Jon: Kiss! Kiss! And I owe it all to somehow getting tomorrow’s newspaper today! (A thought hits him) Gee, I wonder if tomorrow I’ll get the newspaper for the day after.
(The next day, Jon is upstairs on his computer once again)
Narrator: And as it turned out, that’s exactly what happened.
Herman Post Hologram: Here you go, Mr. Arbuckle. (He hands Jon the newspaper, which Jon takes)
Jon: Yes!
Narrator: And so every day, he bought another lottery ticket. (He is back at the stand he bought the first ticket, newspaper in hand)
Jon: 3, 13, 22, 31, 41, 42, bonus number 11.
(That night, he watches the reading of the numbers with Odie, who is lying on his stomach on the floor beside him)
Narrator: And every evening he won.
Lottery Announcer: That would be 3, 13, 22, 31, 41, 42, bonus number 11.
Jon: Yawn! Another million dollars. Maybe I'll take tomorrow off and I WON'T enter the lottery. (He looks at the living room and sees something somewhat surprising) Yelp!
Garfield: Laughs (The Flabby Tabby had been using Jon’s riches to buy every sort of unhealthy food one can imagine, and even some healthy food. The living room is filled with pizzas, ice cream sundaes, sandwiches, steaks, the whole nine yards. As for the cat himself, he is standing on the chair leaning over the table over a plate of cannoli) Oh that’s good! (Vito bursts through the kitchen door and serves up several more pizzas as Garfield pops the cannolis into his mouth. Once he’s done with that, he tosses a slice of pizza into his mouth) Chewing noises Laughs (He grins. Jon and Odie watch with stunned expressions on their faces)
Jon: On second thought, maybe I'd better enter.
Odie: Huh? (He turns to his master)
Jon: (continuing) I may need that money.
Odie: (while nodding) Sputter Yeah!
(Jon now appears on a news show, and is being interviewed by the anchorman)
Narrator: Soon, everyone knew of his incredible luck.
Anchorman: Mr. Arbuckle, you’ve now won the lottery 42 times in a row. How the heck do you do it?
Jon: Oh, I guess I'm just a good guesser.
Anchorman: Well I suppose you’re gonna turn over your fortune to some famous investment expert like Bernie Scambury, who’ll triple your money?
Jon: Well mostly, I've been feeding my cat. I haven’t decided what to do. (He pauses) Hey, (He leans forward) what was that name again? Triple my money… hmm…
Narrator: An hour later, Jon Arbuckle was in the office of the famed investment counselor, Bernard Scambury. (The office is dimly lit, with shades of teal on the walls and furniture. The Tubby Tabby and big-hearted beagle sit behind Jon on a sofa, while their owner sits in a chair, with Mr. Scambury seated at his desk in front of Jon)
Jon: Here it is, Mr. Scambury, a certified check for everything I've won. (He hands it to Bernard, who takes it. Scambury resembles Dr. Frankenstein in a horror movie Jon and the pets were watching in a Season 1 episode, From the Oven)
Bernard Scambury: Good, and I'll take care of your money. (He taps his fingers together)
Garfield: Oh, this is a mistake.
Odie: Really?
Garfield: Yeah. I would've used it to buy every Italian restaurant in town. (He gazes off into the distance) Oh, and with the change, I would've picked up a little hot dog cart. (Scambury gets up and steps to the side. Jon also gets up)
Bernard Scambury: Chuckle You won’t regret this, Mr. Arbuckle. I turn millionaires into billionaires, and billionaires into TRILLIONAIRES! (He grabs Jon and shoves him out of the office)
Jon: Great, Bernie. I just KNOW I can trust you. (They shake hands, but Scambury holds on hand behind his back, as if hiding something)
(Jon and the pets leave, but literal storm clouds brew above them. Odie is the first to notice the rolling thunder and dark clouds)
Garfield: Sigh. Looks like rain. (He puts his paw above his eyes to see farther. Odie runs off)
Jon: You think it’s going to rain, Garfield? I can check. (He holds his finger up) I can look at tomorrow’s newspaper and see if it rained today. (Odie runs past them. Jon reaches into his pocket and pulls out the newspaper) Uh-huh. It says today was cloudy, but no precipitation. (He lowers the paper for Garfield to see) See, it says it right here under the photo of Bernie. (The photo raises some red flags) Bernie? (He reads the article about Scambury. On the back of the paper is a photo of Bernard sneaking away with a bag full of cash and Jon looking sad at the loss of millions) “Authorities say investment counselor Bernard Scambury has fled to Brazil with millions of dollars in clients’ money!”
Odie: Huh? (Jon and Garfield race inside. Odie, who overheard, follows) Whimpers (By the time they reach Bernard’s office, the swindler is already gone, nothing left but floating bills in the air)
Garfield: Pants
Jon: Yeeeeeeeeelp! (He grabs his head in a panic) He’s gone!
Garfield: So is your money.
Jon: Whimper
Odie: Bark! (He puts his front paws on the desk. Jon and Garfield look out the window)
Narrator: And now from the window, (A plane flies low over the city) they could almost hear him say… (Bernard leans out the door and waves to them)
Bernard Scambury: When I get to Brazil, I'll send you a postcard, with your (He points at them) money! Cackles (He takes off into the cloudy sky)
(Later, Jon and Garfield sit on a bench. Jon reads the paper and Garfield watches the sky. Odie stands in front of them)
Jon: Moan…
Garfield: Sigh! Looks like Bernie made off with the money.
Jon: Well, it’s not so bad. As long as I’m getting newspapers from the future, I can still win the lottery and make it all back!
Garfield: Ahem. (His eyes narrow and he puts his paws on his hips)
Odie: Mutters
Jon: (with his finger up) You know, I haven’t bought a ticket for tonight’s drawing. (He looks back at the paper) Let’s see what the winning numbers are. Gasp! (The Flabby Tabby steps over and reads over Jon’s shoulder)
Garfield: Hey, read that! (He hops onto the back of the bench and directs Jon’s attention to something)
Jon: What’s so important, Garfield? (The cat points) Hmm, (He reads) “mysterious explosion destroys post office experimental lab.” Hey, that’s the place they took us to!
Garfield: Heh.
Jon: Aw, too bad about that, but…
Garfield: Gasp! (He realizes what that means for Jon and himself)
Jon: Whimpers Yeeeeeeeelp! (He takes off from the bench, Odie and Garfield go with him. The paper flies into the camera, transitioning to Jon driving the pets hurriedly to the post office)
Narrator: Arbuckle and his cat (And Odie) raced for the lab. Their intentions were good, but they hadn’t realized something: you cannot change the future.
(Inside the lab, Professor Bonkers is inspecting the machinery. It sparks slightly. Herman Post and the Post Office Manager are with him)
Professor Bonkers: Something is amiss with the central core of the Cyber Mailman digitizer! (He turns around and wags his finger at Herman) There seems to be a short circuit!
Herman Post: How could that have happened?
Professor Bonkers: It is impossible! (He raises his arms, and then points up) Unless of course someone dripped taco sauce inside of it. (He puts a finger to his chin, thinking)
(Elsewhere, Jon is trying to get to the post office, but is stopped by a garbage truck. He honks the horn angrily)
Jon: Scowl! (As more cars stop around them, they have little other choice. Jon unbuckles himself and decides to run the rest of the way, and his pets follow suit)
Odie: Whimpers
Garfield: Pants
Jon: Pants Hurry guys! Hurry! (He points forward)
Garfield: Pants This is the post office! Nobody hurries around here! Pants (They reach the post office and sprint inside. Bonkers, Herman, and the Manager look at the machine)
Herman Post: I smell smoke. Is there any chance of that thing blowing up? (Bonkers turns around)
Professor Bonkers: None whatsoever! (He holds his finger up) I would stake my reputation on it! (The machine starts whistling like a steaming kettle on an open flame, moments from detonation. Just then, Jon and the pets burst in)
Odie: Bark! Bark!
Jon: This lab is about to explode! (The machine shakes violently and starts smoking)
Professor Bonkers: I will not, however, stake my life on it. (He zips away. The pets, Jon, Bonkers, Herman, and finally the Office Manager race out of the door. The manager is a bit too wide to get through the door, but squeezes through it anyway. Everyone races out the front door)
Jon: Whimper AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Garfield: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (A camel and bull exit the building after Garfield, who was one of the last to leave. Finally, Herman Post exits the building)
Herman Post: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (The machine explodes, and black smoke billows from the detonation. Jon, Garfield, Odie, and Bonkers emerge from behind a dumpster and trash can in the Tubby Tabby’s case. Luckily, they are all unharmed)
Professor Bonkers: Well,
Jon: Huh?
Odie: Huh?
Professor Bonkers: (continuing regretfully) there goes the Cyber Mailman project. (Random letters float through the air) It will be YEARS before we can restore it. (He holds his finger up)
Jon: (regretfully) Which means no more future newspaper deliveries to me. (Jon and the pets leave, and Bonkers heads in the opposite direction) Moan…
Garfield: Sigh…
Odie: Quiet whimpers (Herman Post pops out from inside the dumpster)
Herman Post: But that’s not the worst part of it. (One of the letters flies into the camera, transitioning into the next day)
(Herman Post is inside his van outside the Arbuckle home, looking at a letter)
Narrator: No, the worst part of it was that Herman Post, (Herman delivers the mail and scans around him) career letter carrier, had to go back to delivering mail the old-fashioned way. (He leaves, seemingly unscathed, but one of his footsteps makes a squelching sound)
Herman Post: Grunt! (He turns around) Chuckle I did it! I delivered the mail (He starts sinking) without running into that cat! Whoa! (He realizes that he is sinking in quicksand. Garfield walks up to him)
Garfield: That’s what you get for bringing (He holds his finger up) nothing but bills all the time. Chuckle (He leaves. Herman is shocked)
Herman Post: Strain! Whimpers No, no! (He puts his hands to his eyes, as if crying, and the camera slowly pans into the sky)
Narrator: Submitted for your approval, a mailman who thought science could catapult him into the future without cats. He should’ve known there’s no escaping destiny in… The Garfield Zone! (The screen transitions to Garfield in front of a purple background from the beginning of the show)
Garfield: Gasp! Doh! (He addresses the audience and holds his finger up) I TOLD you this was gonna be one of those weird episodes. Snickers (He grins. With the episode coming full circle, it ends here)
THE END