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"Halt! Officer Odie orders you to stop and help!"
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- Well, boys,
We're almost there.
Wasn't it nice of cactus jake
To invite us out to his ranch?
- Fillet of lizard almandine?
Buzzard au vin? Baby carrots
With charbroiled rattlesnake.
- The old west has
A strange beauty all its own.
Don't you agree, boys?
[ Barks ]
- Only a fool could see beauty
In the culinary wasteland.
- Here we are,
Cactus jake's ranch.
[ Cough ]
- What does he raise here,
Dirt?
- Arfgunckle.
It's good to see you, jonny boy.
And you brought your little
Friends with you too.
[ Odie barking ]
Annie, the missus,
She's putting the finishing
Touches on the genuine delicious
Western bandwich b*lls.
Come on out back
Whilst I tend to the barbecuing.
[ Gulp ]
- Barbecuing, western talk,
Indicates strong possibility of
Good but extremely messy food.
- Where's the barbecue?
- This here's it.
Supper's been buried
Under hot coals all day.
- Garfield, quit thinking
About food.
- Quit thinking about food?
Why don't you ask me
To quit breathing?
- You know,
I had a cat like that once.
- Brace yourself, folks.
Sounds like a flashback to me.
- Tell us about it.
- In fact, it was cause of him
That I married annie.
It was 1945 and
Like most of the cowboys my age,
I was looking to make a life
For myself.
- Look, it's miss annie!
- Ah!
- See you later, boys.
- Ah!
- She was the prettiest girl
I'd ever laid eyes on,
But I figured I had no chance.
Why, I was barely
Making a living rounding up
Wild steers to sell in town.
How could I ask a gal like annie
To take up with me?
One night as I was about
To eat supper, it was a cat
And the little fellow looked
Like he hadn't had a meal
In quite a while.
- Food. I'm desperate.
I'll eat anything.
- A can of beans was all I had,
So I gave it to him.
- What? No fettuccini alfredo?
No ham with honey glaze?
[ Snoring ]
- Ha! Okay, red,
Don't be jealous
'Cause I showed him
A little bit of kindness.
I'd give you my bunk
If you didn't sleep standing up.
[ Snorts ]
After that night,
The furry critter
Sort of adopted me.
$10 A head. Gosh.
But, red, he was my horse.
He didn't take too kindly
To that cat.
I'll go to the barbershop first.
- Now on display,
The brand-new invention,
Television.
It'll never catch on.
- Hey, cowboy!
You're gonna pay me for this!
- I suppose I am.
I didn't realize
You was so hungry.
- You'll learn.
- It'll sure feel good
To get rid of this sagebrush
On my face.
- Is this your cat?
- Yes.
- Light snack.
- Don't forget my tip.
- I guess I won't be
Getting that shave for a while.
We might as well git.
- Have doggie bags
Been invented yet?
- Ah, that cat had practically
Eaten me into the poorhouse.
But that wasn't the worst of it.
Miss annie and the boys
Had seen the whole thing.
[ Laughter ]
- Look what that cat
Done to jake!
- Ain't that a beautiful sight?
- Made a fool out of him
For sure.
[ Laughter ]
- Hey!
- You know what I'd do
If I had a cat like this? I'd...
- Put my cat down and move on!
- Oh, ho ho.
Asking for trouble, huh?
- We'll show him!
- Okay, if that's
The way you want it.
- Let's teach him a lesson.
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Those guys deserve
A lowdown on this showdown.
- Quick! Swing up behind me
So you'll be safe!
After what that cat did to you,
You were still ready
To take on that bunch
Of lily-livered cowards
To protect him.
You're some guy, jake.
- Aw, miss annie, i...
[ Horse galloping ]
Not long after that,
Annie and I got hitched.
- Red, old boy,
I guess it's time for me
To disappear into the sunset.
[ Laugh ]
Where's my script
For this episode?
Excuse me.
Whose idea was it to give
The horse the last laugh?
You're fired. You know that?
- What a great story!
I bet you really miss that cat.
- Aw, sometimes I do.
- Get this low-life,
Snake-eyed, belly-crawling-off,
Scroungy coyote
Out of my kitchen!
- And then there are times
When I feel if I ever get
My hands on him again, I'll...
- And you. You're a low-down,
Good for nothing polecat face,
Rotten, riverbottom mud-sucker!
- Hey, if you ask me,
He was better off
With the horse.