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"Halt! Officer Odie orders you to stop and help!"
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(A female narrator begins the episode, making it appear to be in the style of a children's story.)
Narrator: This is the story of "The Pie, The Cat, and the Bulldog of Doom".
(We see a housewife setting a pie out on the windowsill.)
Narrator: This is the pie.
(Whip pan to Garfield, standing in the park.)
Narrator: This is the cat.
(Garfield winks at the camera. Whip pan to Crusher - who is known as the "Bulldog of Doom" in this episode - sleeping in front of his doghouse.)
Narrator: And this, for reasons that will become apparent, is the Bulldog of Doom. Especially if you're a cat. One day, Miss Generic Housewife Model baked a pie. The aroma began to make its way to surrounding homes, and there's a curious thing about this neighborhood. No matter which way the wind is blowing, the smell of something freshly cooked will always somehow make its way to the nostrils of this cat.
(Who just so happens to be Garfield. Garfield turns around, and spots Bruno sneaking up on an old man sitting on a bench.)
Garfield: Uh-oh! Bruno's decided to help himself to that elderly gentleman's lunch!
(Bruno successfully steals the man's lunch while he was not looking.)
Garfield: (tuts) Even I wouldn't do something that rotten.
(Garfield gives chase to Bruno, who is laughing triumphantly as he runs along the grass, lunch in paws, but as soon as he stops to take a bite out of the man's sandwich, Garfield catches up to Bruno, and stops him.)
Garfield: Bruno! What are ya doin' eatin' here? Why aren't you over on Crestview Avenue? That's where I'm heading.
Bruno: (scowling) What's over on Crestview Avenue?
Garfield: You don't know? Oh. Nothing. There's nothing going on over there. I-- I'll see you later.
(And just like that, Bruno's patience has worn thin.)
Bruno: (grunts) What's going on over on Crestview Avenue?!
(Scared, Garfield cries out and his claws protract; but he keeps bargaining with Bruno anyways.)
Garfield: Like I said, nothing. No. There's no free all-you-can-eat pancakes festival. (covers his mouth) Ooh!
Bruno: Ooh! Is there a free all-you-can-eat pancakes festival?
Garfield: Who told you?
Bruno: Ah... Why am I bothering with this crummy sandwich when I could be eating all the pancakes I could eat?
(Bruno tosses the lunchbox at Garfield, who cries out in fear as he grabs it; then Bruno tosses the sandwich at Garfield, knocking him to the ground.)
Bruno: Here. You can eat this. (runs off and shouts; echoes) Pancakes, here I come!
Garfield: Bruno's not the brightest character on the series. If there were free pancakes over on Crestview Avenue, do you think I'd be here?
(Cuts back to the old man, who reaches out for his lunch, only to find that his lunch is gone.)
Old Man: Hey. My lunch! Somebody stole my lunch!
(But not to fear. Garfield walks to the old man, and gives him back his lunch.)
Garfield: (laughs)
Old Man: Oh, thank you, kitty cat! You deserve a reward!
(Garfield laughs; he likes the sound of that. But then the aroma of the pie reaches Garfield's nostrils, making him change his mind.)
Old Man: Would you like half a peanut butter and chicken salad sandwich?
Garfield: No.
(Garfield then begins to slowly pursue the pie by floating in the air.)
Narrator: And it was about then that the aroma of freshly-baked pie reached the cat's nostrils.
Garfield: That smell. I know that smell. (sniffs) I know that smell! I love that smell! Pie! Pie! (Garfield soon reaches the town) Oh, wonderful pie! Apple pie, peach pie, cherry pie, boysenberry pie, coconut pie, any berry pie! Pie with ice cream on the top, pie with ice cream on the side...
Narrator: But it didn't really matter what kind of pie it was. (cuts to a flashback at Dr. Whipple's office) Scientific testing has shown that this cat will eat just about anything.
Dr. Whipple: Uh, tuna sandwich on whole wheat bread.
(Dr. Whipple's nurse takes out that very specific sandwich, raises it above Garfield, who immediately opens his mouth before the nurse drops it in; Garfield eats the sandwich.)
Nurse: He eats it.
Dr. Whipple: Shrimp chow mein with crispy noodles.
(The nurse serves Garfield the dish, and he instantly eats all of it, leaving the dish bare.)
Nurse: He eats it.
(A burrito dangles above Garfield; Garfield opens his mouth wide, as if he's begging for the burrito.)
Dr. Whipple (o.s.): Bean burrito with a side of nachos.
(The burrito drops into Garfield's mouth, and he eats it whole.)
Nurse (o.s.): He eats it.
(Cuts to the nurse who then serves Garfield a plate with a single piece of lasagna on it.)
Dr. Whipple (o.s.): Meat lasagna.
(Garfield is heard ravenously eating the lasagna from offscreen, as well as the plate.)
Nurse: He eats it. And the plate it's on.
Dr. Whipple: Two three-minute eggs and home fries.
(Garfield chomps the eggs and fries from offscreen.)
Nurse (o.s.): He eats it.
Dr. Whipple: Ah... Chicken fried steak.
(The nurse tosses the chicken fried steak into the air, and it falls into Garfield's mouth.)
Nurse: He eats it.
Narrator: All in all, they tested 7,423 foods that afternoon...
(Even a whole poultry dish.)
Nurse: He eats it.
(Cuts to later, when Jon has entered the room.)
Narrator: And discovered that the only foods that the cat would not eat were...
Dr. Whipple: Anchovies on pizza, most healthy foods, anything that resembles yogurt, Jon's meatloaf, a peanut butter and chicken salad sandwich, (like the one the old man offered Garfield) and raisins!
(Garfield is especially horrified to hear the last food item.)
Garfield: Raisins?! Yuck! You know how they make raisins?! They take gravel and they soak it until it wrinkles.
(It's actually grapes, but raisins are disgusting to Garfield all the same. Jon opens the door and talks to Dr. Whipple as Garfield runs out, laughing.)
Jon: This is useful information, Dr. Whipple. Thanks. We'll be heading home now.
Garfield: Oh, and on the way home, could we stop for hot dogs?
(Cuts back to the present time, where Garfield is still floating after the pie aroma.)
Narrator: And so, the cat followed the wonderful aroma all the way to the house in the next block.
Garfield: Lemon meringue pie, chocolate meringue pie, meringue meringue pie...
(Garfield stops floating, and stands on top of a wooden fence near the house.)
Narrator: It was there that he found the source of the wonderful aroma.
Garfield: Pie...!
(Garfield jumps down off the fence, and runs to the pie, but...)
Narrator: Unfortunately, he saw something else there. It was...
(Garfield stops. Crusher was sleeping right in front of him. Garfield stammers in fear.)
Garfield: The Bulldog of Doom!!! (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!)
Narrator: Yes. Between the cat and the wonderful-smelling pie, there stood but one obstacle: the Bulldog of Doom. The cat looked at the pie. Then he looked at the bulldog. Then he looked at the pie again. Then he looked at the bulldog again. Then the pie, then the bulldog, then the pie, then the bulldog! And finally, he came to the conclusion that any sane pie-loving cat would reach...
Garfield: I'm giving up.
(And so he gives up. Or does he..?)
Garfield: No, I'm not! I can't leave that delicious-smelling, beautiful-looking whatever-kind-of-pie-it-is pie there uneaten like that! I must brave... the Bulldog of Doom!!! (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!)
(So Garfield sneaks on his tiptoes past the sleeping bulldog; but then it sounds like the bulldog is about to wake up, so Garfield runs up to the bulldog, and sings a lullaby to it.)
Garfield: Go to sleep, my baby
My baby
My baby
Go to sleep, my baby
I'm going to eat the pie
(The bulldog snores and snarls in his sleep. Now feeling positive that the bulldog is out cold, Garfield gives a sigh of relief, and goes back to tiptoeing to the pie. But the bulldog wakes up. And he sees Garfield on his way to the pie. Garfield keeps tiptoeing, now getting closer to the pie.)
Garfield: I'm almost to the pie!
(But then Crusher jumps in front of him; the furious dog barks and growls at him. Garfield screams in fear.)
Garfield: I'm almost to my demise!
(Garfield screams again as he tries to make a run for it, but Crusher pounces. Cuts to a wide shot of the neighborhood as the bulldog attacks Garfield, sending him flying up into the air at various points.)
Garfield: No! Stop! I don't want the pie! Nice Bulldog of Doom!
(Garfield howls and hollers in pain as Crusher attacks him some more. When Crusher was done at last, Garfield crawls away from the bulldog, in severe pain. He pants as he gets back up on his feet.)
Garfield: Well, now you know why he's called the Bulldog of Doom. (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!) (he starts walking home) If I know me, I'm gonna go after that pie, and the Bulldog of Doom... (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!) will doom me! How can I stop me?!
Narrator: The cat thought, and thought, and thought, and finally, he had an idea.
Garfield: Hey! In Jon's old magic act, he had a pair of handcuffs!
Narrator: As idea is goin' with, wasn't a very good one, but sometimes, a bad idea is better than no idea at all.
Garfield: Alright now, Odie! Do you understand what am I doing here?
Odie: Uh-huh. Uh-uh.
Garfield: Look, it's very simple. Over on the next block there's a pie, I do not want to go over there and try to get the pie. And do you know why I don't wanna go over there and try and get the pie?
Odie: Uh-uh.
Garfield: Because the pie, is bein' guarded by... the Bulldog of Doom!!! (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!)
(Odie gasps)
Garfield: To prevend me for bein' tempted to go over and get the pie and bein' spanced of my life. I have handcuffed myself to this post here.
Odie: Huh?
Garfield: And here is the only key.
Odie: Uh-huh.
Garfield: Okay, I want you to keep this key for me. Hold on to it, and no matter how much I asked for it. Do not, I repeat, do not give it back to me. Is that clear?
(Odie yips and he's gone)
Garfield: Wait a minute, it's a pie! I'm Garfield. I have to be able to figured out the way to get my paws in that pie. ODIE! Bring me the key.
(Odie appears)
Odie: Ta-da! Here you go.
Garfield: Odie! I told you not to give it to me no matter what I said.
Odie: Huh?
Garfield: Do you want to me doomed by the Bulldog of Doom? (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!)
Odie: Uh, uh-uh.
Garfield: Then don't give me the key.
(Odie mutters and he's gone)
(Garfield sighs)
Garfield: I wonder what kind of pie it is. Maybe rhubarb pie, or pecan pie, or pumpkin pie! (gasps) What if it's pumpkin pie? (gasps again) Oh, I bet it's pumpkin pie. Warm, creamy, delicious pumpkin pie. I don't care if there's a Bulldog of Doom guarding it! ODIE! BRING ME THE KEY! HURRY!
(Odie appears)
Odie: Ta-da!
Garfield: Aren't you hearing a word of what I've said?! No matter what I say, no matter how I beg you or ordered you. Do not...
(Odie gasps)
Garfield: I repeat, do not give me back the key! Do you understand, Odie?
Odie: Uh-huh.
(Odie's gone)
Garfield: Now, temptation won't make me go after that pie and get doomed by the Bulldog of Doom. (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!) (sighs) I'm safe!
Bruno: There he is!
(Garfield gasps)
(Bruno snarls)
Garfield: I'm not safe!
Bruno: Free all you can eat pancakes festval, huh?
Garfield: It's the Bruno of Doom! I'd better go hide in another country! (grunts and gasps) The handcuffs!
(Garfield grunts)
(Bruno snarls)
Garfield: Odie! Odie! I need the key to these handcuffs!
Odie: Uh-uh-uh.
Garfield: No? Uh, I know I said not to give them to me but... (pants) Give them to me!
Odie: Uh-uh-uh.
Garfield: Odie, if you don't give me that key, Bruno's gonna flat me like (grunts) free all you can eat pancakes!
(Odie laughs and mutters)
Garfield: What do you mean you're too smart to fall for that? He's here, Odie!
Odie: Uh-uh-uh.
(Odie yips and he's gone)
Bruno: Free all you can eat pancakes on Crestview Avenue, huh?
Garfield: Did I say Crestview Avenue? I meant uh... uh, Viewcrest Avenue, they have pancakes there and syrup, and all of kinds of...
Bruno: (Grunts)
Garfield: Ohh-hoo!
Bruno: Take this!
Garfield: (grunts)
Bruno: And on this!
Garfield: Oof! Hey, would you believe free waffles?
Bruno: (grunts)
Garfield: Ow!
Bruno: (grunts)
Garfield: Help! ODIIIIIIE!
Odie: (Odie appears) Ta-da! (groans)
Garfield: Now you give me the key...
Odie: Uh-huh. (he gave the key to Garfield)
Garfield: Great. Now I'll probably be tempted to go after that pie, and then the Bulldog of Doom (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!) will do the same thing to me...
(Garfield gasps)
Narrator: It was at that moment that the cat had was seem what like a pretty good idea... It was that great kind of idea to can solve two problems at the same time. In this case, the two problems were the big cat bully and the severe lack of pie...
Bruno: Pie? Oh no, I'm not fallin' for another one of your tricks, Garfield.
Garfield: No, really. It's pie. Can't you smell it?
(Bruno sniffs)
Bruno: Now that you mentioned it...
Garfield: I'm still not sure what kind of pie it is. Might be coconut cream, might be cinnamon pear, might be a chicken pot pie?
Bruno: Hey! It is pie!
Garfield: If I know anything, I know when there's a pie. So, I was thinking we could split it and...
Bruno: We ain't splittin' nothing. I'm taking the whole thing for myself.
Garfield: Oh, okay, If you say so, Bruno. Oh, Bruno!
(Bruno snarls)
Garfield: Uh, did I remember to warn you about the Bulldog of Doom? (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!)
Bruno: Bulldog of Doom? Uh, no, you didn't say anything about any Bulldog of Doom.
(The Bulldog of Doom snarls)
(Bruno gasps)
Garfield: Oh, sorry. I forgot to mention there's a Bulldog of Doom. (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!)
Bruno: Bulldog of Doom?! (screams and runs) Help! Help! Bulldog of Doom! (screams)
Narrator: The cat was very proud of his cleverness as he made his way to the now-unguarded pie. But he had another surprise...
Miss Generic Housewife Model: Oh, did you smell the pie I baked, little cat?
Garfield: Hhm.
Miss Generic Housewife Model: Would you like some of it? Well, here. You'll take the whole thing, I'll bake another. It's the only kind of pie I know how to make, raisin pie.
(Garfield gasps and runs away and screams)
(the Old Man gasps)
Garfield: So, uh, by any chance, is that half a peanut butter and chicken salad sandwich still available? (Garfield look the audience) Hey, a cat's gotta eat.
THE END