(jazzy instrumental music in the tune of "Three Blind Mice")
Chick: (on mic) Good afternoon. We're coming to you live from beautiful Arbuckle Stadium for today's do-or-die meeting. Hi, everybody. This is Chick Mouse.
Biff: And Biff Rat.
Chick: Bringing you all the play-by-play of today's exciting competition. A record crowd has turned out to see if the combined might of Jon Arbuckle and his team can stop the awesome Garfield Express.
Biff: Arbuckle is briefing his men now, so let's look in the locker room, shall we?
Jon: I'm counting on you all. The last eight times we've tried to go on a picnic, Garfield has eaten everything before we got out of the driveway.
(jazzy instrumental music)
Jon: Men, our goal is to get food into this basket. And remember, the opposition will stop at nothing. Are there any questions?
Garfield: Yeah. We got any mayo?
Chick: Biff, I don't know about you, but my money's on the cat. He's unstoppable.
Biff: Well, that's true, Chick, but he's also lazy. And if I'm not mistaken...
Chick: Excuse me. Here comes the Arbuckle team onto the floor. Arbuckle, Odie, and Nermal. They've all trained for months for this moment, and they're counting very heavily on the home-court advantage.
Chick: The referee has the grapefruit. We're ready now for the start of the game. Here's the toss of the ball. Odie goes for it, but he's out-jumped by Garfield! Garfield tips the ball to Garfield! Pull-down pass to Garfield. He dribbles down the middle. He pulls up a 15-footer, it'll count if it goes...it go-o-o-oes!
Chick: Garfield off to a strong start. And the crowd loves it! Now Arbuckle in to Nermal. Nermal to Odie. Odie back to Nermal. Nermal fakes him out. Charges down the floor for a lay-up. Nermal has it. He bloooows the shot! And Garfield rebounds. Throws a 60-foot pass back to Garfield! He's got it! He's in three-point territory. He puts it up. It's on the way! It's good for three!
Chick: The Arbuckle team is being out-hustled and out-muscled while the Garfield express is firing on all cylinders. Now Nermal in with the seven-layer cake. Nermal off to Odie. Odie dribbling down court. Can someone please clean up that dribble? Odie looking for an opening, stolen by Garfield. Garfield down court. What a play by Garfield! He keeps it. Five seconds on the clock...four...three...two...He swings left, he shoots right, it's a sky-hook, and he makes it! And that ends the first half! Arbuckle leads his team off the floor, and boy, they don't look too happy, do they, Biff?
Biff: They sure don't, Chick. Say, I'm down here now in the stands with Garfield's number-one fan. (to fan) Excuse me, what do you think of the game so far?
Fan: Well, the cat's really good, but we're having a little trouble getting refreshments here in the bleachers.
Biff: Well, why is that?
Garfield: (quickly slurps drink from straw)
Biff: Oh, I see. Well, the cheerleaders are coming out onto the court now, and I think they're...yes!
Cheerleaders: Garfield, Garfield, rah, rah, rah! Garfield, Garfield, lasagna! (cheering)
Biff: Yes, they're leading the crowd in the wave, Chick, so back up to you!
Chick: Thank you very much, Biff. Arbuckle, fans, is laying out strategy for his team in the kitchen.
Jon: Now, Odie, I want you to guard the meatloaf. And, Nermal, if he gets near the pies, it's all over.
Our back's against the wall,
We've got to buckle down,
Gotta get around that cat,
Or he'll eat us out of town,
A winner never quits,
A quitter never wins,
Just when Garfield thinks it's over,
That's when our team begins to:
Fight, fight, fight, pass the turkey,
Don't let him get one bite, pass the ham,
We're chargin', chargin', chargin', pass the bread and pass the margarine,
We'll bring that flabby tabby to his knees,
Sling the soybeans, pass the pasta, pitch the peas!
Come on and:
Fight, fight, fight, fling the fritters, woo-hoo!
Don't let him get one bite, flip the chips,
We're pressin', pressin', pressin'
Toss the salad and the dressin'
We'll knock that tubby tabby to his knees,
Hurl the hot dogs, jam the jerky, chuck the cheese!
Chick: Arbuckle knows that if his squad has any chance of saving this lunch, they have to work on defense. They...wait here they come, ready for the second half. Nermal looking for an open man. He passes off to Odie. And Garfield steals the ball! Garfield goes on a fast break down court. Odie in hot pursuit! Odie dribbling again. Garfield fakes left. And he faked Odie right into the popcorn machine!
Chick: Let's see that one again on instant replay. Garfield just exploded, he fakes left, and watch. Odie didn't have a chance. This is Odie's first start in the major leagues, and with all that popcorn, well, it looks like he could use a little bit more seasoning. Arbuckle looks upset. There's time for one more play, and his men haven't scored yet. Odie has the ham. He's dribbling down court. Now he's dribbling up court. Now he's just standing there dribbling. Somebody get a mop, please. A no-look pass to Nermal. Nermal back to Odie. Odie to Nermal. Where's Garfield?
Garfield: Uh-oh, I'm in.
Chick: Nermal makes a fast break for the basket. He does a 360-turn underneath. He lays it up! It's tipped by Nermal! It's kept alive once, twice....The rebound to Garfield! Garfield charging down the court. Odie guarding Garfield closely. They're really playing catch-up.
Garfield: Ketchup on ham? (blows raspberry) Yeck!
Chick: I said, "catch-up." Garfield passes to Garfield. Nermal to guard. The shot it up! The ham is up! The ham rockets down court all the way!
Jon: Get it!
Chick: Garfield, Odie, and Nermal, all moving back to try to get it! And it's Garfield under it! Six seconds left on the clock! Five, four, three...The shot is up! It rims the basket! It's in....no, it isn't....yes, it is....no...it's in! It's a score and that's the ol' ball game! It's over! Oh, a magnificent performance, both on offense and defense by Garfield. Truly remarkable. This place is bedlam, but we're gonna see if we can get a few words with the champ. (to Garfield) Garfield, congratulations on a great game. You devoured an entire picnic. You've got to be proud.
Garfield: I am, Chick. Real proud. And I'd also like to say this is probably the dumbest episode we've done all season.
Odie: (barking angrily) (snarls)
Garfield: What do you mean I cheated? You're just a sore loser.
Odie: (angrier barking)
Chick: Guys, guys, relax.
Garfield: How about a rematch on Thanksgiving? You bring the turkey. (yells in pain as Odie steps on his tail)
Chick: Tune in next week for the 100-yard pizza delivery dash. Good night, everybody.
Odie: (angry barking continues)
Garfield: What do you mean I fouled you with a meatloaf?