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"Halt! Officer Odie orders you to stop and help!"
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(The episode opens with Jon driving up to the city pound at night)
Dog catcher: There he is. Last cage on the left, Mr. Arbuckle.
Jon: Thanks. Before you called, I was starting to get worried.
(The door opens to reveal what looks like Liz's vet office. Garfield can be seen stuck in a cage in the corner while wearing a straitjacket)
Garfield: (while straining in the straitjacket, addresses the audience) Oh, hi. You're probably wondering how I ended up here, aren't ya? I'll tell you the whole story, but do me a favor will ya? Grab the remote and press "rewind" for me. I'm a little tied up right now. (the viewer rewinds, and random scenes quickly flash on screen)
Garfield: Ok! Oh, stop! Right there! (in front of Jon's house) That's about 12 hours ago. It all started this morning at exactly 8:03 AM. (Inside Jon's bedroom, Garfield is sleeping in his bed) I was doing what any sane creature's doing at that hour, when suddenly IT happened.
(Odie can be heard barking loudly. This surprises Garfield and launches him into the air and leaves him hanging on the ceiling with his claws)
Odie: (seeing his friend) Barks and pants
Garfield: (Sigh) I can see this is gonna be one of those days.
Garfield: Sure enough, it was one of those days. (The mailman walks up to the Arbuckle house. Garfield sneaks up behind him, bucket of glue and brush in hand) Just when I was about to glue the mailman to the mailbox...
Odie: (running by) Bark! (he chases the mailman) Bark! Bark! Bark!
Garfield: (surprised) AAAAAAHHHH!!!! (he involuntarily throws the bucket and brush in the air, and both of them land on his head) Oh! Ouch!
Odie: (trotting up to the fat cat) Huh?
Garfield: I knew I had to do something about the mutt, and his constant barking.
(In Jon's office, Garfield starts searching for ways to get Odie to be quiet on the computer)
Garfield: Let's see... dog... barking...stop... (he comes across an advertisement for a new collar)
Salesman: (with a Doberman next to him) Introducing "Bad Doggy"! The talking, state-of-the-art dog collar! The best, humane way to teach your best friend that barking isn't OK!
Doberman: Barks
Collar: (electronic voice) Bad doggy! Bad doggy! No barking allowed!
Doberman: Barks, then whimpers (he stops barking)
Garfield: (now intrigued) Hey!
Salesman: Comes with three different levels of reinforcement training and a lock-in safety mechanism! One size fits all! Void where prohibited! Dog not included! Click here to order with our special super ultra speedy shipping option! (the salesman points to a button that appears on screen)
Garfield: I'm clicking, I'm clicking! (he clicks and grins excitedly) I wonder how fast their special super ultra speedy shipping option is? (as he says this, car tires squeal outside and a box gets thrown through the open window, hitting Garfield in the face and knocking him off the chair.) I wonder what took them so long? (he picks himself up and holds up the cardboard box) This is the answer to the barking problem! (he smiles and waves his tail)
(Downstairs, in the living room...)
Garfield: (putting the collar on Odie) Collar in place, now what do I do next? (he picks up and reads the instructions) Let's see here... "Turn on". (to the audience) That is way too technical for me. (he pushes a green button on Odie's collar) OK, let's see if it works. You may bark when ready, Odie.
Odie: Barks (the collar doesn't react, annoying Garfield)
Garfield: STOP! (Odie obeys) "State-of-the-art dog collar", huh? This thing doesn't even work. (He takes it of the pooch)
Odie: Mutters quietly
Garfield: (picks up and scans the instructions. He then realizes that they are written in a foreign language. He places the booklet in the box and straps the collar to himself) Hmm... let's see what's wrong here... Oh wait! "Press button A to turn on the lock and safety mechanism." (he does so while still wearing it around his neck) Here we go.
Odie: Resumes barking
Collar: Bad doggy! Bad doggy! No barking allowed!
Odie: (ceases barking) Whimpers
Garfield: It works! Oh great, oh great, oh great! Now let me remove this, and... (He struggles to remove the collar) Come on! Oh boy! (He is eventually unsuccessful in getting it off.) There's gotta be some info in the instruction manual about how to remove that thing. (He picks up the instructions and examines them again) Nothing! You gotta be kidding me! (He tries again to pull it off, once more to no avail)
Odie: Barks some more
Collar: Bad doggy! Bad doggy! No barking allowed!
Odie: Aww... whimpers
Garfield: Ah, not to worry. Jon will find a way to remove it when he comes home in... (he reads the alarm clock on the mantle. 8:31 AM. He gasps) six hours!
(In the front yard, Garfield dozes in his Neapolitan-colored lawn chair)
Garfield: I thought I'd just sleep until Jon got home. I was wrong.
(On the other side on the back yard fence, Hector the Chihuahua and a female Chihuahua play with a ball together, barking happily)
Collar: Bad doggy! Bad doggy! Bad doggy! (Garfield tosses and turns in his chair) Didn't you hear me?! No barking allowed! (he jumps up and flips over. The chair lands on him, covering him almost entirely except for his hands and feet)
Garfield: Alright, I gotta get this collar off me! I need tools! (He finger-walks away)
(In the garage, Garfield tries using a pair of pliers to rip the collar off his neck. As with his earlier tries, this also fails)
Collar: Congratulations, you have successfully activated level 2 of the reinforcement training software.
Garfield: Level 2?! (he runs back in the house, where he literally runs into Odie in the kitchen. In the living room, he rereads the instructions)
Garfield: (reading) Level 2... additional apparatus discourages the dog from barking. (stops reading) "Additional apparatus"?! What could that be?
Odie Bark! Grr, bark!
Collar: Bad doggy! Bad doggy! (the collar extends two water pistols from retractable arms and points them at its wearer, Garfield) And don't say you didn't ask for this! (Odie flinches, unable to look, as his friend gets drenched. The soaking eventually stops, leaving the flabby tabby covered in water.)
Odie: Bark! Bark! (Garfield quickly covers Odie's mouth)
Garfield: Who knows what this thing will do next?! I have to make sure that this collar doesn't hear any more dog barking!
Odie: Mm-hmm
(In the back yard, Garfield has Odie, Hector, and three other dogs bound and gagged)
Garfield: Hey, don't worry. (he walks back inside) It's just until Jon gets this collar off me. (he jumps on his chair) I'm gonna watch some TV and wait for Jon. (He turns on the TV to a woman belly dancing) I don't need to watch this. (he changes channels to a sci-fi station) I don't need to watch this.
Workout trainer on TV: All right, it's time to exercise!
Garfield: I NEVER need to watch this.
Announcer: I'm coming to you from Northwestern Park, the scene of today's statewide dog show.
Garfield: AAAHHH! NO! Take it off! Take it off! (he presses the button on the remote quite rapidly) Oh, what a time for the batteries on the remote control to wear out! (to the audience) I may actually have to get out of my chair and go to the TV itself!
Announcer: And congratulations go out to Cayenne from Lindahurst, New Jersey. The judges awarded her top honors. Any comments, Cayenne? (Garfield is now terrified)
Cayenne: Barks an acceptance speech
Garfield: AAAAAAHHH! Cayenne!
Collar: Bad doggy! Bad doggy! How many times do I have to tell you? (it pulls out two pillows from its retractable arms, and begins to smack Garfield with them) No barking allowed! Do you hear me? No barking allowed!
Garfield: I have to get out of here!
(Garfield runs outside, only to meet Odie and the other dogs, unbound and ungagged)
Odie and the dogs: Growl angrily
Garfield: (to the audience) You know, I never did learn how to tie good knots.
Dogs: Barking simultaneously (They chase Garfield down the street)
Collar: You're a very bad doggy! Very bad doggy! (It resumes hitting Garfield with pillows. He eventually hides in a bush next to someone's house. The dogs run by, and when he realizes the coast is clear, Garfield comes out of the bush, winded. A little girl, who lives in the house, approaches the exhausted feline with a wagon full of toys)
Little Girl: Hello, Mr. Kitty Cat! You were running to get away from those mean old dogs, weren't you?
Garfield: (nods breathlessly)
Little Girl: Oh, you don't have to worry. We don't have any dogs here. My mother doesn't allow it on account that she's allergic to dogs.
Garfield: (sighs in relief) I'm safe.
Little Girl: That's why I only have toy dogs. (She pulls out a wind-up toy) See how cute they bark? (She winds up the toy, and it proceeds to bark)
Garfield: Ohhh, AAAAAHH! No! No! NOOOO!
Collar: Congratulations, you have successfully activated level 3 of the reinforcement training software.
Garfield: Level 3?! Oh, no! What's gonna happen to me on level 3?!
Collar: You're a bad, bad. BAD DOGGY! (a propeller pops out from the collar and flies the poor cat all over town, between buildings and structures, even spinning him around multiple times) BAAAD DOGGY! (Garfield screaming all the way) BAAAD DOGGY! BAAAD DOGGY!
Garfield: The collar flew me all over town, and then dropped me right over Northwestern Park, where fortunately there was a pond. (the collar drops him inside of a fountain in the park)
Garfield: Well at least I'm safe here. They don't allow dogs at Northwestern Park, except the one day a year they HAVE THE DOG SHOW HERE!!!
Dog Show Contestants: Bark repeatedly
Garfield: (Screams and runs away)
Collar: Terrible dog! No more barking! (it pops up its propeller again and whisks Garfield away on another joyride, the frazzled feline screaming all the way)
(Transition back into the present, where Garfield is sitting on the vets table, Jon and the Dog Catcher on either side of him)
Garfield: Is it any wonder I wound up in here?
Jon: Ok, so now let's get that collar off you.
Garfield: YES! PLEASE! PLEASE! (he grabs the collar of Jon's shirt and begins shaking him rapidly) Get this collar off me before another dog barks! Get it off me, and I'll do anything you ask! I'll hold my daily lasagna consumption down to below 10!
Jon: (a bit dazed from the violent shaking) Now let's see how this comes off... (he checks out the collar)
Garfield: (panicked) It's gonna take blowtorches, and chainsaws, and drill presses, and all kinds of tools and things and...
Jon: Oh, it just pops open when you touch this button. (he points to a red button on the collar)
Garfield: That's it? That's all it takes?
Jon: I don't know why you had any trouble with it, Garfield. It just pops on like this... (he puts it on himself)
Garfield: I don't care how it works! I'm getting outta here! (he runs out the door, the Dog Catcher pursues)
Jon: And them it comes off with a touch of a button like this... (he tries to get it off, with no luck)
(Garfield runs down the hall, and enters a door with a sign saying "No Cats Allowed")
Dog Catcher: Not that door, cat! That's the dog pound in there!
(Garfield runs into several angry dogs, all growling at him. The Dog Catcher runs in, Jon right behind, still wearing the collar)
Jon: (struggling with the collar) You just push this button... you push this button...
Dog pound dogs: Bark repeatedly (The collar hears this and is set off once again)
Collar: I told you for the LAST TIME! NO BARKING! NO BARKING! YOU BAD DOGGY!! NO BARKING!!! (it pulls out two pillows and whacks Jon in the face with them) BAD DOGGY! NO BARKING! BAD DOG! NO BARKING!
(Garfield runs out of the kennel, chased by angry dogs)
Garfield: STOP, DOGS! LEAVE ME ALONE! HELP! (Screams)
(As for Jon, the collar pops its propeller and whips him around like it did to Garfield. The episode ends with Jon about to run into the viewers' camera)
THE END