Astrocat/Transcript

Overview

Transcript

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• Hit the Buzzer, Win a Cookie! Host: And now, it’s time for more of our game show, Hit the Buzzer, Win a Cookie!
• [The screen focuses on a lamp for a few seconds before panning over to Garfield and Odie, who are sitting in the recliner watching TV. Garfield has a bowl of crackers on the armrest and is eating large pawfuls from it.]
• Hit the Buzzer, Win a Cookie! Host: All right, this is Elaine Fransted of East Orange, New Jersey. It’s time to hit the buzzer and win a cookie! On your mark, get set, go! [buzzer noise from TV] You win a cookie!
• [As the game unfolds, Odie’s facial expression is a mixture of quizzicality, yet mild amusement and even fixation. He reaches for the crackers on the other side of Garfield, only for the latter to slap his paw away. Odie briefly looks disappointedly at his friend, before shrugging it off and going back to watching the show. The game continues:]
• Hit the Buzzer, Win a Cookie! Host: [buzzer] You win another cookie! [the studio audience begins to cheer wildly as Elaine hits the buzzer again] You win another cookie!
• Garfield: [to the viewers] And this is on the Educational Channel.
• Odie: [pointing at the screen] Hmmm?
• [The show goes to static for a few seconds before a news reporter appears on the screen. Behind him is a display on which a shuttle’s route from Earth to the Moon has been detailed.]
• Newscaster: We interrupt Hit the Buzzer, Win a Cookie! to bring you coverage of the latest space mission.
• Garfield: Hey, where are your priorities, fella?!
• Newscaster: The astronauts of spacecraft Andromeda 7 are only minutes away from landing on the Moon. Let’s listen in on them.
• [The news camera cuts away to footage of Andromeda 7 entering the Moon’s atmosphere.]
• Buzz #1: We are making our descent, Buzz.
• Buzz #2: Thank you, Buzz. All systems are go. Right, Buzz?
• Buzz #3: Roger, Buzz, and I agree with Buzz over there.
• Garfield: [to fourth wall, thumb-points at screen] There’s some sort of law about astronauts having to be named “Buzz”.
• [Odie smiles at Garfield. Cut back to the reporter, who is now sitting at a desk in a room full of computers as a picture of an American flag with a big star overlayed on it is displayed to his left.]
• Newscaster: Today, these heroes join the ranks of such great space explorers as [photographs of the astronauts are displayed as they are read off] Henry "Buzz" Fenork, Freddy "Buzz" Lunchbox...
• Garfield: See?
• Odie: [becoming confused by all the Buzzes] Huh?
• Newscaster: ...and perhaps the most heroic of them all, Buchanan the Cat!
• [On the screen is a cat in a spacesuit who looks just like Garfield. This confuses Odie further and he looks at Buchanan’s picture in shock.]
• Odie: Huh? [looks at Garfield, then back at screen in disbelief] Er—...huh?!
• Garfield: Didn’t you know? My Great Uncle Buchanan was the first cat in space. [climbs down from chair] It happened back in 1958, back when no man had ventured into outer space. [walks over to a bookshelf and selects a green book marked "PHOTO ALBUM" from it, flipping through the pages until he finds a certain photo] It was a dangerous job, true, but, being my ancestor, I think you can guess the kind of heroic and brave reaction he had.
• [Odie walks over and also looks at the book. Garfield points to a black-and-white picture of Buchanan standing on a table next to some test tubes, captioned “BUCHANAN IN A LAB". The camera pulls in on the photograph, which becomes color and animated as we flash back to the scene in 1958. Almost no sooner than that does Buchanan jump off the table and run away in panic.]
• Buchanan: Help!! Let me outta here!!!
• [The scientist in the room, who has wild white hair, red glasses, and crazed eyes, and is holding a clipboard, points in the direction of the terrified cat.]
• Scientist: After him! Catch that pussycat! [Nice double-entendre.]
• [The scientist's two assistants, the shorter one possessing blond spiky hair and a purple bowtie, and the taller one orange spiky hair and a pink bowtie (both wear identical glasses), give chase. Buchanan skids to a stop before a locked high-security bolted steel door and starts pounding on it.]
• Buchanan: Let me out!! I don't want to go to the Moon! [he turns around, sees the men approaching, and resumes pounding] I don't even like going to the laundromat! [the assistants catch up to him, and, each of them holding one of his front paws, carry him back to the table] Please, guys. Would you want to be shot into space in a rocket built by the lowest bidder?
• [He is slammed onto the table; the scientist then walks up, holding a tongue depressor.]
• Scientist: First I will examine the pussycat.
• Buchanan: Why don't you go to the M—ahhhh! [the scientist forces the depressor into his mouth and examines his throat] Ack! [sticks out his tongue, then smiles] Hey, somebody ate the ice cream off that stick.
• [The scientist drags Buchanan off the table and carries him off. Buchanan struggles and kicks in his grip.]
• Scientist: Now we shall test your reaction to the change in gravity.
• [Wipe to another room, where the scientist roughly drops him into a testing rocket and then pushes him down in further before slamming the dome shut.]
• Buchanan: I can't go in this! I don't have an E ticket!
• [He watches as the scientist steps over to a control panel.]
• Scientist: Und now we will test the pussycat under heavy stress.
• [The scientist presses a button, and the rocket, propelled by a robotic arm attached to a central axis, begins to move counterclockwise around the circular room at an ever-increasing speed. The force pins Buchanan to the back of the rocket's interior, and his body begins to stretch and distort.]
• Buchanan: Eh— ahhhrrr... errrrrrrr... aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
• Scientist: [now flanked by his assistants] Und nowww, we put the simulator up to full power!
• [He twists a dial on the panel, which causes the rocket to reach a speed so high it is ripped off the machine's arm. Buchanan can only grit his teeth and cover his eyes as the rocket, no longer following a circular path, plows through the wall of the laboratory and flies down the street, passing rows of shops, including a "Walgreeds" which is for sale. Buchanan struggles to steer the vessel, but pulls too hard and accidentally removes the wheel from the column. He jumps when he sees what is up ahead: a billboard advertising Yuccko Cola ("A Stink of a Drink!"). Fortunately, the rocket zooms through the billboard as if it were a sheet of paper. It then descends onto the road and starts bouncing and skidding along it. As Buchanan passes a billboard marketing the video release of Dan Blech's All Dogs Go to Video, a police officer on a motorcycle emerges from behind it, turns on his siren, and chases after him. Wipe to sometime later; Buchanan has managed to pull over the rocket, and the officer is now writing him up.]
• Policeman: 380 miles per hour in a 35-mile zone. [Buchanan gestures something] Now, don't give me that old "cat in a flight simulator" excuse. I've heard that one eleven times today.
• [Buchanan stares glumly at the fourth wall as he is handed his ticket. As the policeman begins to return to his motorcycle, the scientist's assistants run up, lift the rocket, and start running with it back to the lab.]
• Buchanan: Hey, guys... I suppose I couldn't interest you in going for Chinese food instead?
• [We fade to an establishing shot of a spaceport, where a rocket is stationed on a launch pad and awaiting liftoff.]
• Buch—er, Garfield: Finally came the day when my great-uncle was to be launched to the Moon.
• Scientist: I will go und get our volunteer! [enters a building and lifts Buchanan out of a cardboard box] Time to go to the Moooon, kitty cat!
• Buchanan: [immediately starts thrashing and trying to get away] No! I don't want to go to the Moon! How about Cleveland instead? It's just as weird and it'll save on gas. I don't want to go to the Moon! No!
• [As Buchanan protests, the scientist ignores him and carries him off. The camera wipes to them riding the gantry elevator, then stepping off and crossing the bridge to the rocket.]
• Scientist: Now, now, you will be the first creature to land on the Moon!
• [The scientist carries Buchanan into the rocket capsule, but Buchanan escapes, slides back outside, and slams the door, trapping the scientist inside.]
• Buchanan: No, you will be the first creature to land on the Moon!
• Scientist: [bangs on the door] Help! Let me out! I am a scientist! I do not take risks!
• [Buchanan now leans against the bridge railing, next to a red button labeled "PUSH TO CANCEL COUNTDOWN".]
• Man: Five... four...
• Buchanan: [to fourth wall] Nahhhh, I can't do it.
• Man: ...three... two...
• Buchanan: Not even to him.
• Man: ...one.
• [Buchanan pushes the button, sounding a buzzer and stopping the countdown. The scientist breathes a sigh of relief before apparently fainting. We fade back to the rocket's exterior, the camera zooming in on the capsule before cutting to its interior.]
• Scientist: I am sorry, pussycat!
• Buchanan: [upset] Well, you ought to be. [turns around and notices a certain button on the control panel] Hey, what happens when I push this button marked "lunch"?
• [Buchanan, briefly forgetting his troubles, presses the button. An alarm begins to sound and the ship begins to vibrate violently.]
• Man: Twenty... nineteen... eighteen...
• Scientist: [horrified] Pussycat! You have pushed the "launch" button!
• Man: ...fifteen... fourteen...
• Buchanan: "Launch"? Not "lunch"?!
• Man: ...thirteen... twelve...
• Buchanan: I knew I should have learned how to spell!
• [The scientist and Buchanan rush toward the door...]
• Man: ...ten... nine... eight... seven... six... five...
• [The scientist makes it out in time, but as Buchanan starts to run through, the door closes shut. The resulting Buchanan-shaped dent stretches several feet away from the door.]
• Buchanan: [flatly] Oww.
• [The gantry is wheeled away from the rocket...]
• Man: ...four... three... two... one... ignition! [The rocket's jets engage as the spacecraft emits a large ring of smoke. Buchanan nervously looks out the capsule window as the rocket lifts into the air.] We have liftoff!
• Garfield: And so, the rocket took off for the Moon. The scientists attempted to track it, but didn't have much luck.
• [Wipe to the interior of a communications complex. One of the scientist's assistants, the orange-haired one, is waiting near a printer as a transmission is slowly printed out. The head scientist walks over.]
• Scientist: Any communications from the rocket?
• Scientist's assistant: Just this one transmission, sir. [starts to read it]
• Scientist: Is it flight data? Atmospheric conditions? Gravity coordinates?
• Scientist's assistant: [starts as he realizes the transmission's contents] It seems to be an order for a pepperoni pizza.
• [The head scientist also jumps, and the two stare at each other in confusion.]
• Garfield: That was the last anyone ever heard of my Great Uncle Buchanan. [fade back to the present day; Garfield shuts the photo album] But he was the first creature ever in outer space.
• Odie: [smirks, unconvinced] Mm-hmmmmm!
• [Garfield and Odie start walking away from the bookshelf and back to the TV.]
• Garfield: Odie, you do believe my story, don't ya?
• Odie: [shakes his head] Mm-mmm.
• Garfield: Well, it's true! It's—
• Newscaster: [on TV] The Andromeda 7 has landed on the Moon's surface. [Garfield and Odie freeze in their spots] Let's switch to the lunar camera.
• [On the screen, astronauts climb out of Andromeda 7 onto the Moon. The Earth can be seen in the distance.]
• Buzz #1: Watch your step, Buzz.
• Buzz #2: Thank you, Buzz.
• Buzz #3: Buzz, why don't you and Buzz plant the flag over... there?
• Buzz #1: Good idea, Buzz. [They walk to a different spot on the Moon, Buzz #1 (judging by his voice) holding an American flag. Upon arrival, he prepares to plant the flag as the other Buzzes salute.] Buzz, Buzz, and I hereby proclaim... hey!
• [Right in front of them stands none other than Garfield's Great Uncle Buchanan, donning a spacesuit (though without gloves or boots) with a pawprint seal on the front. He places his paws on his hips, and is in front of what at first glance appears to be a misshapen Moon rock.]
• Buchanan: It's about time! Now where's that pizza I ordered?
• [The camera cuts farther away. It turns out that this mound is actually part of an enormous yellow space alien with ten pink eyes on purple stalks. It is much larger than any of the Buzzes, let alone Buchanan.]
• Giant Alien: Guh grubleeblbeu duuuh?
• Buchanan: [turns to the alien] Don't worry; I ordered pepperoni!
• [The other astronauts jump in surprise. Cut back to Jon's living room.]
• Garfield: I told you, Odie, you should never doubt me. [walks away]
• Odie: [to fourth wall, doubtfully] Hmmmmmmm.
• [Fade to black.]