Ask a Dog

Ask a Dog is a recurring joke in the Garfield comic strip. In these strips, Garfield reads a letter sent to "Ask a Dog" and Odie answers it. The joke has been used 39 times in the comic strip as of November 2019, and began in 2010.

This is possibly inspired by a 1978-1983 running gag where Garfield would answer fan mail.

Letters

• "Every time I try to throw a stick away, my dumb dog keeps bringing it back. What's up with that?" Signed, "Clueless in Seattle" (Garfield responds, "Dear Clueless, the first rule of training a dog is that you must be smarter than the dog... and I have some bad news for you...")
• "Is there life on the moon?" (Odie howls and Garfield specifies that he does not want any more questions about the moon)
• "Is it true you became man's best friend by bribing somebody?" Signed, "A cat sitting next to you" (Odie reveals a receipt)
• "My dog will stare at a spot on the wall that he thinks is a bug, but it isn't, for hours. Is he stupid?" Signed, "Just wondering" (Odie stares at a spot on the wall instead of answering)
• "Who wants to go for a walk?" (Odie runs off and Garfield says, "We'll have to get back to you with that answer")
• "Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip!" (Odie has written a letter himself)
• "How come you're so slow?" Signed, "Squirrel in the backyard" (Odie barks angrily at something off-panel)
• Odie starts responding before Garfield can ask the question
• "Who is a good little doggie?! Is it you?! Huh?! Huh?!!" (Odie gets excited and Garfield throws the letter away)
• "Isn't it true that cats are much, much smarter than dogs?" - Signed, "Someone sitting very near you" (Odie angrily looks in the opposite direction as Garfield)
• "Do you think a dog will ever walk on Mars?" (Odie answers, "Yes, but only after they make a really long leash")
• "Why are you guys always smelling stuff?" (Odie sniffs the letter)
• "Grrrrrr!" (Garfield calls this letter "hate mail")
• "Would you PLEASE leave me alone?" - Signed, "Mister Tennis Ball" (Odie walks offscreen)
• "If you chase a car and catch it, what happens then?" (Odie wears a pilot outfit while Garfield tells him "that is highly illegal")
• "If you were on the moon, would you howl at the earth?" (Odie runs off and Garfield says, "And no, you're not going to find out")
• "If you could be an animal, what would you be?" (Garfield tells Odie, "Here's a hint... you already ARE one.")
• "Do dogs really eat homework?" (Odie eats the paper)
• "What can I do to make my dog's breath more pleasant?" ("Buy mint-flavored slippers")
• "I'm angry with my mailman. What should I do?" ("Bite him, but first, make sure that you've had all your shots.")
• "What's with you dogs rooting through the garbage all the time?" (Odie has a banana peel on his head, but denies this accusation)
• "What exactly is a beef by-product?" (Odie doesn't know)
• "How many different kinds of dogs are there?" ("Two. Good dogs and bad dogs.")
• "Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk!" (The letter is written by a goose)
• "Is a dog's bark worse than his bite?" ("Yes, but only if the dog wears dentures.")
• "Who's stronger? Cats or dogs?" (Garfield says, "Dogs, but only if you count their breath.")
• "The pleasure of your company is requested for a dinner party. Can we expect you at six o'clock? Signed, Mr. and Mrs. Frederick J. Flea."
• "When you howl, are you singing?" (Garfield says no)
• "Do you bite?" (Garfield tells Odie that the letter is not from a steak)
• "If you're so smart, how come somebody has to read you the questions?" (Garfield is impressed by the question while Odie is offended)
• "Do you bury bones in your backyard? If so, where exactly?" (Garfield says, "Nice try, Mrs. Feeny's dog!")
• "What qualifies you to guard a house?" (Odie thinks it is his "big muscles")
• "What makes you such an expert?" (Garfield responds to Odie's answer with "There's no such thing as a dog university.")
• "Am I wrong to feed my dog fattening snacks?" ("Yes. Those should go to the cat.")
• "What is your philosophy of life?" ("As you walk along the road of life, remember to stop and sniff everything.")
• "Jingle, jingle, jingle." "Signed, the car keys."
• "What should I feed my dog to make him smarter?" (Garfield says, "Cat food.")
• "What kind of dog are you anyway?" ("A hockey fan.")
• "What beverage goes best with dog food?" ("A cold bottle of sparkling toilet water")
• "How can I get my dog to stop chasing his tail?" ("Tell his tail to stop running")
• "How can I get my dog to stop begging at the table?" ("Eat somewhere besides the table. Dummy.")
• A letter from an actual dog, which Odie confirms.
• "Did you ever eat a bug?" (Odie is eating a bug as Garfield reads the question)
• "How do I know you're really a dog?" (Garfield answers "He can scratch the back of his head with his foot, that's how.")
• "If a squirrel snuck up behind you and said... "Boo!" Would you be scared?" (Odie jumps as Garfield reads the "Boo!")
• "Why are more dogs wearing clothes these days?" (Odie dresses in an outfit, and Garfield answers "No, fashion is not your life.")
• "What's better: a big, thick steak or a juicy cheeseburger?" (Garfield and Odie declare a lunch break and run off)
• "Why has a dog never walked on the moon?" ("No trees.")
• "Do you ever get a song stuck in your head?" (Odie begins singing)
• "I am not a dog, but I enjoy howling at the moon. How do you explain this?" ("You're nuts.")
• "Did you chew up my slippers? Well, did you?" (Garfield answers "That would be a yes.")