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[Garfield] I'm late.
I have to get to the TV studio.
I have to get to the TV studio.
I have to be anywhere else.
I have to be anywhere else.
- [Dog] I want you to know,
that I hate cats with big mouths.
- [Garfield] You do?
- [Dog] I do.
And every time you do one of those TV shows,
you say bad things about dogs.
- [Garfield] Me say bad things about dogs?
Whew no that's my evil twin doing that.
We've got to stop him-- - [Dog] Listen cat,
read my lips.
- [Garfield] I can't.
They're like mine they don't move.
- [Dog] One unkind comment about dogs
and you'll be in that book of world records
under pain.
- [Garfield] Yes sir.
Thank you man's best friend.
Not one bad word about dogs.
Not even a bad syllable.
- [Dog] And cat...
[yelling] I'll be watching!
- [Announcer] And now here's the host
of Annoying Things, Garfield Cat!
And now here's the host of Annoying Things,
Garfield Cat!
Where's that stupid cat?
[applause] [crashing]
- [Garfield] Annoying thing number one,
slippery stage floors.
Welcome to Annoying Things.
The show that shows you every thing that annoys you.
A little later we'll be doing that by showing
you ninety-nine solid minutes of commercials.
[laugher] But before we get to that,
let's look at some other things that annoy us all.
For instance, annoying thing number two is...
Annoying thing number two is people on TV
who forget their script, 'scuse me.
Let's see what we have today.
Poodles, Cocker Spaniels, Doberman Pinchers,
Mutts, Boxer dogs, Pit Bulls, Dachshunds...
Ah this could be a very dangerous show.
[clears troat] Here are some annoying things
that have nothing to do with dogs.
[clears troat] Annoying thing number three,
anchovies on pizza.
Putting anchovies on pizza is either
a felony or it should be.
Annoying thing number four.
Door to door alligator salesmen.
We have quite all the alligators we need thank you.
Annoying thing number five.
People who make you watch home movies of their goldfish.
This must come to a screeching halt.
Annoying thing number six.
[circus music] Nermal, need I say more?
Annoying thing number seven.
That kid who reminds the teacher
that she forgot to assign homework.
[loud clatter] [punching]
Annoying thing number eight is those little
cards that fall out of magazines.
I really hate those little cards
that fall out of magazines.
[playful music] Your magazine comes
in the mail, you open it and out falls those little cards.
And most of em' comes in your subscription
copy asking you to subscribe.
Annoying things number nine through twelve
are things that people say that they shouldn't.
Annoying thing number nine.
- So what's your sign?
- [Garfield] Annoying thing number ten.
- Mind if I share an experience with you?
- [Garfield] Annoying thing number eleven.
- I really need to know where my head is at.
- [Garfield] Try looking above your shoulders
on that little neck-like thing.
Annoying thing number twelve.
- Let's savor the moment. [splatter]
[gong chimes]
- [Garfield] Annoying thing number thirteen.
People who carry around pictures of their power tools.
Annoying thing number fourteen.
People who leave their Christmas
decorations up until July.
Annoying thing number fifteen.
People who put them up in August.
Annoying thing number sixteen.
Nermal again.
Annoying thing number seventeen.
Doggie tongue. Very dangerous. [slurping]
Annoying thing number eighteen.
The instruction man-- [knocking]
Excuse me, we'll make number eighteen
being interrupted in the middle of your show.
[cautious music]
You pounded?
[dramatic music] - [Dog] Yeah I pounded.
And that door ain't all I'm gonna pound
if you make any more cracks about dogs!
- [Garfield] Right. [whimsical music]
I am very sorry I promise you it will not happen again.
[haunting music]
That dog is going to make kitty litter out of me.
I gotta make sure I don't mention dogs again.
Okay cats back what number was I up to?
- [Audience] Nineteen!
- [Garfield] Right.
Annoying thing number nineteen is those instruction
manuals that come with things that have to be assembled.
[playful music] - Okay, locate main housing A
and insert sub assembly B.
Now holding flange unit C parallel
a fix with locking parts B, E, and F.
Then invert assembly and slide rolling
cleats G and H and tighten with crescent wrench.
Remove outer support structure seven,
and dis guard while tightening locking wheel. Ah.
- [Garfield] Six hours later.
- Sand unit with fine grain sand paper,
then gently tap sub structural wing 9-K
with a borrowed ball-peen hammer
and your assembly is complete. [sighs]
Great. Let's see what it looks like Garfield.
Garfield! I'm impressed!
That is an incredible life sized replica of Elvis Presley.
- [Garfield] Yeah but it was supposed to be a skateboard.
Annoying thing number twenty is the most annoying of all.
It's dogs.
Dogs stink, they're stupid, they're useless,
they're...they're...Hey!
Who put that on my cue card?
- [Nerman] Nerman.
- [Garfield] I didn't mean it.
I didn't mean what I said about dogs.
Dogs are nice, dogs are noble, dogs are good.
Dogs are here.
Dogs are here, and I am leaving.
- [Dog] Cat you're history.
- [Garfield] You don't want to do anything
to me in front of millions of people?
- [Dog] I--millions of people?
- [Garfield] We're on TV now rover.
Haven't you ever been on TV before?
- [Dog] TV? Why no.
- [Garfield] Really?
A talented guy like you?
- [Dog] Awe, I'm not talented.
- [Garfield] You're being modest.
I'll bet you're quite the little dancer.
[dog chuckles] - [Dog] Well I--
I do know a few steps. [circus music]
- [Garfield] Isn't that great folks?
- [Dog] My momma always thought
I should be on the stage.
- [Garfield] You should, but not my stage now.
If you just-- - [Dog] Hey watch this one!
[feet pattering] [faint clapping]
- [Garfield] Wonderful.
Now we have to get on with the show.
- [Dog] Hey cat I'm not letting
you get in the way of my big break here.
- [Garfield] Hey don't--stop!
Don't do that. Help!
Look out! [crashing]
- [Dog] Forgive the intrusion ladies and gentleman.
Could I have my hat and cane?
[circus music] [feet pattering]
[cheers and applause]
- [Garfield] Annoying thing number twenty-one.
Guys who don't know when to get off camera.
Goodnight.