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Transcript

  • (the episode begins inside the living room at Garfield's house; peppy instrumental music is heard; Odie is on top of the table in the living room. Garfield enters with book and pencil in hand and promptly kicks Odie off the table)
  • Garfield: "Kick Odie off the table." Done.
  • (Garfield checks that off).
  • (Next, we see Nermal licking himself as Garfield wraps him in a box with air holes; the box, of course, says, "TO ABU DHABI." Garfield throws it in the mailbox outside.
  • Garfield: "Mail Nermal to Abu Dhabi." Done.
  • (Garfield checks that off.)
  • (Next, we see Jon in his chair reading a newspaper; Garfield goes behind the chair, and claws it, surprising Jon)
  • Garfield: "Sharpen claws on furniture." Finished. Let's see what's next. (reads his list) Ah, "Eat everything in the refrigerator." Haven't done that yet. (Garfield rushes off, but comes back to give a tip) You can get a lot more done in a day if you make out a list in advance.
  • (Garfield rushes off)
  • Jon Arbuckle: What is that cat up to now?
  • (Jon walks to the kitchen)
  • Jon Arbuckle: Garfield!
  • (Jon sees Garfield drinking the last of the milk in the milk carton; and has devoured everything else in the refrigerator)
  • Jon Arbuckle: Garfield, you're eating the dinner that I was cooking for tonight!
  • (Garfield takes out his list and checks it off)
  • Garfield: Done.
  • (Jon has lost his patience and begins to chase Garfield through the house)
  • Jon Arbuckle: Okay, I've had enough of this! You are going to come back here and answer for what you've done!
  • Garfield: That's not on the list.
  • (the scene cuts to outside where a smartly dressed cricket is hopping along the sidewalk.)
  • Ichabod: What a disgusting life, being a cricket. So few chances for advancement. You can work and work and slave, and where does it get you?
  • (Ichabod sees Jon chasing Garfield)
  • Jon Arbuckle: Come back here! Come here! Come on!
  • Ichabod: Hold on. This could be something.
  • (Jon has finally caught Garfield and proceeds to kick him out)
  • Jon Arbuckle: Come here now! Right now! All right, I've had enough of you! I'm going to...
  • Garfield: (interrupting) I know. Let me add it to the list. (writes it down in his book) "Get kicked out of house. Land in heap in geraniums." (to Jon) Proceed.
  • (Jon throws Garfield into the geraniums before Garfield checks it off.)
  • Garfield: Done.
  • Jon Arbuckle: All you ever do is sleep and eat. Don't you have a conscience?
  • (Ichabod looks from behind a can)
  • Ichabod: Conscience! The cat needs a conscience! Here's my chance!
  • (Garfield dusts himself off)
  • Garfield: Jon's arm is getting better. Usually, he gets only me as far as the begonias.
  • (Ichabod appears and hops next to Garfield)
  • Ichabod: Excuse me, cat, but I couldn't help noticing that you are lacking something. You are without a conscience. I happen to be a conscience. My card.
  • (Ichabod takes out a business card and hands it to Garfield)
  • Garfield: (reading) "Ichabod Cricket, Freelance Conscience." Why does this remind me of a story I read once?
  • (Ichabod takes out a book called Pinocchio)
  • Ichabod: Pinocchio, by Carlo Collodi. Open to the bookmark and read.
  • (Garfield does as told and reads the part)
  • Garfield: (reading) "And so, the puppet who wanted to be a boy adopted the cricket as his conscience and..."
  • (Ichabod puts one of his legs on Garfield's mouth)
  • Ichabod: Shhh! Don't read too much. You want to get one of those letters from the lawyers at Disney?
  • (the scene cuts to the kitchen where Odie runs around asking to play with Jon)
  • Odie: (whimpering)
  • Jon Arbuckle: Not now, Odie. I have to recook the meal Garfield ate.
  • (cut back to outside where Garfield and Ichabod seem to have struck a deal)
  • Garfield: Gee, I never had a conscience before. We'll try it for a day.
  • (Garfield and Ichabod shake fingers)
  • Ichabod: Now, just do as I say, and you'll never get into trouble again.
  • (Jon opens the door and puts Odie outside so he can cook)
  • Jon Arbuckle: Garfield, play with Odie and keep him occupied.
  • (Odie runs to Garfield and asks to play with him)
  • Odie: (whimpering)
  • Garfield: No, Odie, I don't wanna play with you. I hate silly doggy games and I...
  • (Ichabod leaps onto Garfield ear)
  • Ichabod: Garfield. This is your conscience speaking. You ought to do it.
  • Garfield: You really think so?
  • Ichabod: Absolutely. Jon will be impressed.
  • Odie: Yeah. Yeah.
  • Garfield: Odie, you wanna play Rocket Launch?
  • Odie: Yeah.
  • (the scene cuts to a seesaw where Odie is in a makeshift rocket, waiting to launch, much to Odie's shock)
  • Odie: (whimpering in fear)
  • Garfield: Don't complain, Odie. You agreed to play Rocket Launch.
  • Ichabod: A-okay. Countdown. Five, four,...
  • (Garfield runs then quickly turns around to jump on the seesaw)
  • Garfield: Three, two, one. Liftoff!
  • (Garfield jumps on the seesaw, launching Odie and the makeshift rocket into the air)
  • Odie: (howling)
  • (cut to the kitchen where Jon has taken a fresh batch of lasagna out of the oven)
  • Jon Arbuckle: I wonder if I left anything out of this lasagna.
  • (Odie crashes through the kitchen ceiling and lands in the lasagna, making himself and Jon all messy)
  • Jon Arbuckle: (sarcastic) Oh. Of course. It needed a dog in it. How could I be so foolish?
  • (Odie slurps Jon multiple times)
  • Jon Arbuckle: Garfield!
  • (Garfield cringes at the sound of his name)
  • Ichabod: I think you should put some distance between you and Jon.
  • (Garfield quickly runs from the house)
  • Garfield: I didn't need you for that one.
  • (the scene changes to elsewhere in the neighborhood where Irving Burnside is crossly carrying a sack of groceries home)
  • Irving: Why couldn't she do the marketing? "All you do is sit around the house all day, doing nothing." (drops a big steak but doesn't notice) Yeah, like watching hockey games is easy.
  • (Garfield and Ichabod are in a conversation and pulling up to where Irving dropped his steak)
  • Ichabod: (to Garfield) So, I say to the guy, "I'm not a grasshopper. I hate that. I'm a cricket."
  • Garfield: Hold on. Mr. Burnside dropped something.
  • (Garfield rushes to the steak and is delighted)
  • Garfield: Oh, boy! A ten-pound, all cholesterol, all-fat, tip-top, sirloin steak! Mmmm. I can feel my arteries hardening already.
  • (Garfield starts to walk off when Ichabod stops him)
  • Ichabod: Garfield!
  • Garfield: Oh, no!
  • Ichabod: You don't want to eat that.
  • Garfield: Yes, I do! Honest and truly, with steak sauce on it! I do!
  • Ichabod: It belongs to Mr. Burnside. Your conscience is telling you to return it to him.
  • Garfield: (groans) This conscience stuff has its drawbacks. Okay.
  • (Garfield reluctantly turns around and goes to Mr. Burnside)
  • Irving: Aha! I should have known! You're the one who swiped my ten-pound, all-cholesterol, tip-top sirloin steak!
  • Garfield: No! No, I found it! And I was going to return it and... (to himself) you know, I don't even believe this, and I know I'm telling the truth.
  • (Irving snatches the steak from Garfield)
  • Garfield: Conscience, hold on tight!
  • (Garfield runs from Irving Burnside as fast as he can as he chases him and leaves his sack of groceries behind)
  • Irving: I'll pound you like a cheap steak, cat!
  • Garfield: I wonder if you can trade in a conscience. Maybe get a new set of instincts or something.
  • Ichabod: Just do as I tell you, and everything will be all right!
  • (Garfield comes to an intersection and sees the DON"T WALK sign)
  • Garfield: (reading) "Don't walk." (panicked) But joy-boy is right behind me. I'm gonna cross the street.
  • Ichabod: Stop! The sign says "Don't walk!" Your conscience says you have to wait until it says "Walk!"
  • (Irving closes in on Garfield)
  • Garfield: Come on. Change. Come on, come on. (sweat drops down his face and he covers his eyes)
  • (the sign changes to WALK.
  • Garfield: There. I can walk now.
  • (Irving grabs Garfield and the two get into a dust-filled fight; somehow, Garfield escapes from Irving as a passing lady sees him fighting himself; little does Irving know that Garfield has escaped)
  • Irving: Aha! I got you now, cat! You can't get away! You're trapped! You're... (sees the lady) I have to go grill a steak.
  • (Garfield runs into a dead end in an alley, thinking that Irving Burnside is still right behind him)
  • Garfield: I'm trapped. There's no way out. Ooh, except through this door.
  • (Garfield starts to open the door, but is stopped once again)
  • Ichabod: Halt! The sign says "Do not enter." Your conscience is telling you that it is wrong to disobey a sign like that.
  • Garfield: I've gotten into nothing but trouble listening to you! I'm going in there, whatever it is.
  • (Garfield opens the door and enters; he closes it and discovers it's a dog kennel)
  • Ichabod: Also, your conscience tells you that this is the Elm Street Dog Kennel.
  • (dogs growl and attack Garfield in an unseen fight)
  • Garfield: (exclaiming in fright) No! Oh, no! Down, boys! No! Good dog! No! Help! Help! Never do that to a cat! Ow! Or that! Help!
  • (Garfield and Ichabod run away from the Elm Street Dog Kennel and return to the house)
  • Garfield: (moans wearily)
  • Ichabod: You see? If you'd listened to your conscience. Some of that wouldn't have happened.
  • (Garfield picks up the book "Pinocchio" and tries to find something)
  • Garfield: Let's see. I just remembered something about this book. (finds the page) Ah, here it is. (to Ichabod) Read this.
  • (Ichabod hops onto the book. Garfield puts the book down and leaves Ichabod to read the page)
  • Ichabod: (reading) "And so, Pinocchio looked down at the cricket, and with one deliberate move, the wooden boy crushed the little beast." (stammering) It wasn't like that in the movie!
  • (sees Garfield has a rake)
  • Garfield: No, but that's the way it was in the original book, and here.
  • Ichabod: Garfield! Let's talk about this!
  • (Garfield attacks the cricket with the rake, but misses. Garfield is seen chasing the cricket all over the neighborhood)
  • Ichabod: I'm your conscience, Garfield! And your conscience says the movie had a happier ending! Stop! Listen to me! Don't bash the cricket!
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